What would you do?

LegacyUser

Hi guys
letting off some steam here, not a big prob like some people have lately but some advice would be appreciated.

I've been travelling to college and in November me and some college people said we'd look somewhere to live in the new year until the summer holidays. I was on for this because i know them and it beat living with strangers and it would be good craic and a bit of independence etc.
Just before this my sister and I had been to look at a few places because she was moving and thought it would be a good idea for us to live together. I was reluctant about this because much as i love her and she is good crack she is also very domineering and it's hard to keep her in good humour. She had a bad run of living in places and didn't get on with a lot of people in the past. Anyway she got somewhere to live but it's far away from my uni.
I'm in bits today because my sis and one of the college people have asked me about moving. i've just been crying over not knowing what to do. I'm sorry if i sound like i'm overreacting but i feel so guilty like i'm letting people down. my sis is on to my mother about it and i feel like i'm the bad guy who won't help her out.
anyone got any helpful opinions or what would you do in this situation??

Xterminator

Well personally i would drop out, and see my sister in person, eg not a phone call etc, and explain that the situation has changed, or youve changed your mind, etc etc.

Basically you are letting her down, because you allowed her to think it was going to happen, & she went to the effort of finding a place, so now you owe her an explanation and an apology.

You are entitled to change your mind, you should have let her know you were getting cold feet, if possible before she spend time and effort finding a place.

Peggypeg

I would talk to them. Don't say "you're domineering, you don't get on with people," etc. Although these are EXCELLENT reasons not to live with someone. If I were you I would talk to all involved and just say, you want to be near school, you want to live with the other people, that you love her very very very much but you want to try living with friends for a while. If I were you I'd be ready to run coz it doesn't sound like your sister will take it very well. To be honest I don't think you'll get out unscathed (don't know if I spelled that right), just suck it up and get it over with. Oh and apologise profusely, even though all you really did was change your mind.

MissFlitworth

I'd tell my sister I'd changed your mind and I'm really sorry but I'm going to live with friends from college. No 'I think I'd prefer to' or 'If you don't mind's because if she's a domineering person she'll pounce on that to get you living with her. It will suck telling her and she probably will be a bit angry and hurt (and deservedly so) but it will suck way way more living far away from college and your friends and with someone you really don't want to live with. It'll be like moving in with your Mammy, part II

LegacyUser

Xterminator wrote: »

Well personally i would drop out, and see my sister in person, eg not a phone call etc, and explain that the situation has changed, or youve changed your mind, etc etc.

Basically you are letting her down, because you allowed her to think it was going to happen, & she went to the effort of finding a place, so now you owe her an explanation and an apology.

You are entitled to change your mind, you should have let her know you were getting cold feet, if possible before she spend time and effort finding a place.

sorry, OP here, i didn't explain this right. my sister looked for somewhere for herself to live after I had told her the first time i didn't want us to move in. now a room has come up in her place and she asked me to move in to avoid living with strangers again. i didn't lead her on or tell her i'd live with her, she was hoping i would.

bSlick

Xterminator wrote: »

Well personally i would drop out, and see my sister in person, eg not a phone call etc, and explain that the situation has changed, or youve changed your mind, etc etc.

Basically you are letting her down, because you allowed her to think it was going to happen, & she went to the effort of finding a place, so now you owe her an explanation and an apology.

You are entitled to change your mind, you should have let her know you were getting cold feet, if possible before she spend time and effort finding a place.

I don't know how you got that from the op that she is letting the sister down. They never made any hard and fast arrangements. Seems like the sister was trying to railroad her into when she wasn't really up for it and is now trying to manipulate her by getting their mother to intervene.

OP, the last thing you want is to end up in a house with someone who is going to be giving you grief all the time. Seriously, you will be stressed out 24/7. There is no point putting yourself out to suit her. She probably doesn't want to live with strangers because she knows they won't put up with crap off her, whereas she knows she can control you.

You have nothing to apologise for, you are under no obligation to live with her.

MissFlitworth

unregistered wrote: »

sorry, OP here, i didn't explain this right. my sister looked for somewhere for herself to live after I had told her the first time i didn't want us to move in. now a room has come up in her place and she asked me to move in to avoid living with strangers again. i didn't lead her on or tell her i'd live with her, she was hoping i would.

Ah in that case your sister is pushin her luck! She knows you don't want to live with her, stick to your guns!! Best of luck with it

Taltos

MissFlitworth wrote: »

Ah in that case your sister is pushin her luck! She knows you don't want to live with her, stick to your guns!! Best of luck with it

Agreed - you already know that she is domineering.
And this place is far from your uni.
Sorry but 2 strikes just there...

Decision made so