Am I being used?

bella2010

me and my bf were going out for over 2 years now, after the first year we started to fight constantly.. nearly everyday but the fights wouldnt last that long. i just recently found out that im suffering with depression. my bf helped me through it. my family didn't know and so he was the one who was getting the backlash of me being happy one minute and sad the next. i have hit him a couple of times when im freaking out, i know my depression is no excuse to hit someone but i did and i was very sorry for doing it .. anyways just the other day my bf broke up with me.. we always break up but get back together but i think this time he had enough. i txt him constantly asking to talk. i love him soo much and i honestly cant see my life without him we were always talking about the future


ANYWAYS .. after a day of breaking up i got really bad, and was freaking out i rang my ex and was so upset on the phone, i went to his and we got talking. he said he is just letting me stay because he is afraid i would do something stupid and so i stayed in his house that night and the the next day we hung out together because i hadnt to be in work that day anyways we had sex i know i shouldnt but i love him so much and i dont know if he was using me or he wants to get back but has had enough with me
im so confused because i would do anythin to get him back... like its like were a couple, we have done everything the same the past few days except i cant kiss him whenever i want but last night i really think he was just horny and thats why we had sex .. not because he loves me and wants to get back

please dont say move on with your life because this relationship was really serious and i really thought he wud be with me forever because we have been through so much together and were only 19

any advice please ??

AvaKinder

It's rarely so cut and dry to say whether someone is being used or not when a break up is this fresh.

Sleeping with someone you've just broken up with simply complicates the situation more. You really need to take some time away from each other to figure out whether or not he decides breaking up was the right choice for you both. He may just be afraid that you'll do something bad if he rejects and even if he does want to finish its very hard to say no to someone you have been very close too. Many break ups lead to sex in the days/weeks afterward because the feelings are still fresh.

Next time you're freaking out you need to try and contact someone else for help, even the Samaritans if you dont feel you can call a friend, as by calling him you may be putting pressure on him to look after you. He may just need a break, as it can be horrible to look after someone battling depression.

dublingal80

im sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now sweetie. but its normal to sleep with your ex after just breaking up. I done it myself and I know so so many of my friends that have too. Unfortunately it usually doesnt mean you will be getting back together. Its just a slip up on both your parts.

I can understand how much you love your ex and how much he means to you, especially after everything he has helped you through. But you cant force him to get back with you if its not what he wants. Honestly try and take a break from him. Dont text him or call him and see if he contacts you. He might miss you more than he thought he would and might want to get back with you, or he might just text to see how you are. Its not healthy for you to call him and stay with him when you are upset as it could end in sex again and it will really mess with your head.

Next time you feel like that call a friend and ask if you can go out to see her or get her to stay with you, or even come onto boards and we can all help you out.

Taltos

Don't think you are being used - think you are using each other.
Clearly this relationship is not right at the moment.

Do as the others suggested and take a break or time alone.
Get your own head sorted out and then see how the land lies.

Oh by the way - you hit him.
That is physical abuse & assault.
No matter the excuse.
To me that is a dealbreaker - once maybe - just maybe but beyond that no way. Please get the help you need before you either hit someone else / they hit you back (much harder) / you get arrested for assault.

CDfm

I dont think you are being used and I think you might be the person doing the using.

Depression is an illness and people manage it and it doesnt give you licence to lash out and hit people when you feel like it.

19 is young and you may get back together if it is meant to be.It wont happen if you keep freaking out and lashing out at him. Your issues are not his issues and he should not bear the brunt of them.

LegacyUser

OP, you are right. depression is not an excuse for hitting him.

i have had 2 episodes of deep depression (with counselling and anti depressants) and have never hit anyone. depression does not prevent you from treating people with respect. you do other depression sufferers a disservice by alluding that you are not responsible for your behaviour, and that depression is. it is not and you are.

but, i was dumped during my first diagnosis, and like you, couldnt deal with it, and went round to his and had sex too. in the morning i had the same feelings you did, my ex finally ran out of patience with me when i assumed this meant a reconcillation and told me it was just sex. harsh as hell, but what i needed to hear.

you are doing youself no favours. with depression, your feelings are hard enough to work on without this added stress. make a clean cut - you dont want to be an ex-pest. concentrate on you and only you for the next few months, and evaluate (honestly) your behaviour in your relationship. you might find that counselling will help you - it did wonders with me.

good luck

miec

No Op you were not used because you chose to have sex with your ex.

You say you love him yet you hit him, like greenbottles says, depression doesn't cause violent behaviour. You need to take responsibility for your behaviour and to get better, your ex cannot save you, you need to save yourself and you will like yourself better when you learn to do that. I would suggest getting proper help for the depression, whether that is anti depressants or counselling but get help for it. I don't think your boyfriend can take anymore at the moment, yes he shouldn't have had sex with you but you shouldn't have had sex with him either. I am sorry you are suffering but unfortunately you need to let him go as that is the truly loving thing to do (even though it is hard and hurts like hell). Look after yourself and hope you get the proper help you need.