Nothing going for me

LegacyUser

I've just been thinking about my life the past while and it seems I have nothing going for me and more and more things just seem to be getting to me lately.

I'm unemployed, no qualifications, no girlfriend, no goals, very few friends, nothing. I spend most of my days sitting at home doing nothing. I can't find a job anywhere so have no money coming in, so can't move out of home.

I don't know why I can't seem to find a girlfriend. I've been told many times that I'm a good looking guy and easy going, yet haven't had a girlfriend in over a year. I know it might not sound like much but I feel lonely.

In relation to the friends, I feel I have one good proper close friend, and the other few I'd talk to would just be acquaintances who I'd just sat hello to if I saw them at the shops or something. I don't know why again I haven't got a close group of friends.

I was recently living abroad for a while and came home early (another thing I feel like a failure for) and am starting to think I am overstaying my welcome back at home due to the fact it looks like I'm just sitting on my arse all day every day doing nothing. My parents don't seem to realise how hard it is for me (and a lot of people at the moment) to find a job. I was considering going back and repeating my leaving cert. to hopeful increase my chances of doing something with myself but if I did I'd lose my dole and have nothing coming in which could be bad.

I'm sorry if this seems like a long winded moan just don't know what to do anymore. It just seems every day I wake up is the same as the last and I live a very sad life. Thanks for reading.

cafecolour

Advice? wrote: »

]I spend most of my days sitting at home doing nothing.

Well, that's a pretty good reason why you wouldn't have a girlfriend or a lot of friends. Especially on top of just coming back from being abroad.

Volunteer somewhere locally (even multiple places). Look into fas courses or other schooling.

edvedfan

yeah even join some sort of a club near you, it will introduce you to a few more people and broaden your social scene completely

Taltos

Get out for some runs - enter some races - will give you something to aim for.

Also consider maybe some FAS courses - how I got my first job. I think it sent a message to prospective employers that I was willing to learn and try something.

Not sure where you are - but you could also do some local volunteering - again looks great on a CV - but more importantly - get you out of the house, you help someone who needs help but cannot afford to pay - eg Animal Shelter - & again prospective employers - think "gosh - there is someone with get-up and go..."

I am unsure about the dole and repeating the leaving cert - but as it is January this might be something to look to do next year - if it is and if you do in fact lose your dole take the time now to plan it - discuss it with your folks, save what you can, apply where you need to and start preparing even now for the exams...

Denerick

Do something, even if its ten hours a week. There are plenty of things to volunteer for. I think Frued said we need only two things to make us happy, work and sex. You're getting neither at the moment!

Agent J

1)Forget the GF for now. If you are in a mess then a relationship is the last thing you need. Sort yourself out first.

2)If you are actually doing nothing then your welcome might get worn out alright. As long as you can show some effort into getting work, education or training then that should be enough for reasonable parents.

3)Someone suggested a run. Google something called couch to 5k and get cracking. Right now you sound a bit depressed, exercise is great to fight back depressive feelings.

4) Keep moving at all costs. Sitting at home every day is going to eventually destroy you. Find something to get you out of the house and moving 5 out of 7 days of the week at least.

Peggypeg

Hey Sweetie,

You don't necessarily lose the dole when you go back to school, you can get a back to education allowance which is basically your dole but you do not need to seek work will you are on it. If you can move out at all you would be WAY better off from a social welfare point of view. If you get a room somewhere your entitlements would shoot up. Either way OP of course you're depressed you've told us your life is basically empty but it doesn't need to be you know? Even going to the library etc will help get you out of the funk you find yourself in.

Best of luck sweetie.

outspann

I read the Malcolm Gladwell book "Outliers" recently, and in it he talks a lot about the 10,000 hour rule. The basic concept is that if you spend 10,000 hours practicing anything - say from playing the piano to learning to ski - that by the end of it you will be an "expert". Maybe not an Olympic gold medallist, but certainly Master level.

So while this is a pretty sh*tty time for you, you can also look on it as a blank canvas. Buy a secondhand camera, or a keyboard, or some french language discs. Think of it this way: in twelve months time, you could be fluent in another language. How cool would that be?

I know that it's hard and there's a tendancy to keep thinking of all the things that you can't do - but try thinking about all the things that you CAN do. :cool:

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Id have to disagree with the others about advising you to volunteer or go for a run, if i was feeling like you i would not like to be told what to do especially if i wasnt a runner or a volunteerer which no one has asked you if you even like doing, just because your on the dole doesnt mean you have to run a marathon or volunteer, there are many ways that you can be fulfilled but it is important to listen to what you are passionate about.

I can imagine that it is very difficult to live in an environment where there is so much pressure to have a job and to earn your own keep, there must be a sense of failure from this, is it possible to talk to your family about it and see if they are supportive toward you which might help you ease up on beating yourself up right now, can you talk with your friend so you can create a dialogue about how you are feeling, i always feel that just talking helps to get the feelings out and helps to move forward,

You dont even need to know how to fix all this right now just take each day as it comes, and try and find little things you like doing and embrace that, the over all picture may seem bleak right now but there must be great things going for you as well that you are not acknowledging, the girlfriend thing will defo happen but you seem to be just home from living abroad and needing to find your feet again.

A quiet one

Just a question about "volunteer work". Can one loose the dole because they are doing volunteer "work"?
I ask because I vaguely recall some press headlines on that theme in the UK some years ago.

Agent J

A quiet one wrote: »

Just a question about "volunteer work". Can one loose the dole because they are doing volunteer "work"?
I ask because I vaguely recall some press headlines on that theme in the UK some years ago.

You have to be available for work is the requirement. Just tell the dole officer that you are still looking for work as well and are using the volunteer work to both keep busy and making contacts for any available work as well.

Pricey

ok, so you find that nothing is going for you, I've been there, its not nice, you become down, and things start to crumble.

I had no girlfriend, no job, no income, not many friends because I was in a similar situation to you, I went to an international college, and then one day all my friends flew home, its a crippling feeling.

But then one day, my life changed, I was introduced to someone that is somewhat responsible for who I am today.

My outlook on life changed, we have 3 main areas in life,
Health
Wealth and
Relationships
and each area depends on the other. the person who I met was a Pick up artist, he jump started the relationship part of my life, then I began exercising, something I never done before which secured my health, and to rectify the wealth aspect, I became a dating coach to people like you and who I once was.

I now have an income from this profession, it was a truly life changing experience and once put in perspective, the fog clears.

I still dont have a girlfriend, but I am good with the ladies and Im not even attractive looking. (looks dont matter no matter what anyone says;-)

Moral of the story, if you dont have the knowledge, align your self with people that do, join clubs and life will give back to you.

If you need assistance, just let me know

Pricey ;-)

estar

www.volunteer.ie

volunteering will make you feel useful, give you a purpose, something to be proud of, and allow you to start exploring again what you are good at. you have skills, a purpose you just need to keep reaching out for what you want.

dont repeat your leaving until you know why you are doing it, for what course, for what end.