Is this bad??

LegacyUser

Hi all,
regular boardsie just looking for some advice. This is a bit of a worrying dilemma tbh so advice would be great.
I'm male 40, married no kids. Female relation (not a blood relation but by marriage) who i've known for about 15 years - she's now 21. I guess in some ways i've always seen her as a kid and we'd have the banter etc. She is at college and i'm sure no angel, but she presents as nothing other than a quiet and respectful girl.
Over xmas met up at a few family occasions, usual banter etc. I looked her up on facebook and saw there were pics of her so was browsing through literally hundreds of them. a lot were girly nights out with her mates, most of whom were pleasing on the eye etc. However, one pic knocked me sideways it was of my relation and 3 of her friends going to a moulan rouge night and all dressed up in the outfits one would associate with that, corsets, stockings, suspenders etc. She herself was wearing the stuff and i've been nearly salivating over the pic since. i've never looked at her in that way nor would but it's really hit me for 6. Wondering if i'm a perv or if it's totally inappropriate. then in another way i'm thinking if she's put these pics online then it's ok. i'm very confused. anybody any thoughts or views???
thanks,.

wylo

so your a male who saw a 21 year old girl (who's not related by blood) and a few of her friends dressed up in a moulin rouge outfit before hitting the town and ended up nearly salivating over the picture and your wondering is it bad?
Not as far as I can see. Perfectly natural, and inevitable when pictures like that are available for you to see.
So long as your not obsessing over it constantly or thinking you would like to do something about it.

aidan24326

goodguybad wrote: »

Wondering if i'm a perv or if it's totally inappropriate. then in another way i'm thinking if she's put these pics online then it's ok. i'm very confused. anybody any thoughts or views???
thanks,.

No, you're hardly a perv for being taken by the sight of some hot 21 year old girls in sexy outfits. I'd say that's pretty normal. She's not a blood relation either so there's nothing 'inappropriate' about it as such. I wouldn't worry tbh, the day you stop finding such things arousing is the day to be worried!

Peggypeg

From a female point of view, eeeewwww you big pervo.

ONLY JOKING!!!! Sir there is absolutely nothing wrong with admiring the opposite sex. It probably just gave you a shock because you thought of her a girl and now you see her as a woman. Nothing wrong with that sweetie, perfectly natural.

Overheal

Perfectly Natural response, but from a Familial point of view, I'd go about putting a lid on it - go find something else to oggle and dont think about it anymore.

tbh

I'd be more worried about why you looked her up on facebook - don't say there wasn't a bit of you hoping to find pics like this?

It sounds like you're starting to obsess - and obsession can only lead to problems. My advice would be to put all thoughts of this girl out of your head right now, while it's still relatively easy.

A quiet one

tbh wrote: »

I'd be more worried about why you looked her up on facebook - don't say there wasn't a bit of you hoping to find pics like this?

+1 to that.
I mean, I can understand taking up a verbal invite to look up such a thing, but after the first page, especially concerning a junior member of the 'family' unless I'm supposed to be finding a particular detail, I would be inclined to find going any further is being intrusive and creepy.

IceICEbaby

Honestly, I think its weird.

I know people are always really leniant in PI and most things are deemed 'natural'...but I'm trying to look at this from my own perspective.

I'm 19 years old and I'm really close to one of my cousins. She's one of my best friends and I practically live over at her house. Her Dad (my Uncle) isn't blood related to me...but I have never considered him any less than family. I'm always joking around with him and stuff but the idea that he would think of me in any other manner than his niece really creeps me out. And if I discoved that he'd been looking at my facebook pictures....:eek: It just crosses the line...

It depends on the relationship you two have. If you didn't really know her that well...well, that's a bit different. But you've known her since she was six and (presumably) she has grown up thinking of you as family. .

Obviously you can't really help being attracted to her I guess. I think the most important thing for you to realise is that its not really something that should be displayed. Knowing that you find her attractive would probably make her uncomfortable.
You can't help how you feel...but you can help what you do with those feelings.

Facebook stalking is always weird. I would be very freaked out. Especially if it was one of my relatives doing it. That kind of thing can easily lead in obsession so really, stop doing it.
I think you should just try your best to suppress whatever feelings you have. They're not neccessarily disguting...but at the same time, very inappropriate.

*Also, the fact she put those pics on facebook doesn't mean she's inviting attention to them. I have millions of photos on facebook that I throw up after a night out. Many of them have 'the girls' and I dressed up or whatever. But they're not put there for people to "salivate" over. Its just a 'thing' that people put their photos on facebook. I can pretty much guarauntee that she didn't think twice about the photographs in question and there was most like no 'motive' behind putting them up. I know I, for one, don't really think about what anyone else will think when I display the photos. Maybe we should...:S

dudara

It's not unnatural to find your attracted to a pretty young girl who is seductively dressed.

However, this is probably just an obsession - maybe even a bit of a mid-life crisis.

How is the state of your marriage? Are you happy with your wife, your life etc?

Ickle Magoo

She's a member of your family you have known since she was 6 and you were 25, I think that's creepy.

Adding that she's "only" related via marriage and not blood doesn't make it any less creepy. Trawling through a relatives photos and finding most of them "pleasing on the eye" and one which really turns you on is - creepy. Stop now, if my uncle of no blood relation, or the guy that married my sister or the guy that married my cousin - or any number of the relatives I have that are not actually blood related was doing or thinking of me in that way and looking up my facebook pics for jollies, I'd be seriously freaked out. I don't think it is appropriate & it is a bit pervy. Stop now while you can, I would suggest.

Smallbit

As a 44 y/o female I find it sort of pervy. OK, I'll admit I can't compete with a 21y/o in lingerie, so that could be influencing my decision...

Aside from the fact you're married, I know we all do look look and compare but why can't you pick on someone your own age?!! I've plenty of single friends the same age as you and they all can tell stories of guys in their 40s with unrealistic expectations of female beauty and physique

Babooshka

goodguybad wrote: »

Hi all,
regular boardsie just looking for some advice. This is a bit of a worrying dilemma tbh so advice would be great.
quote]


Have to agree with a good few of the replies that said it's not right. It's the one thing that really disturbs me about social networking sites. Twenty years ago you'd not have had the chance to ogle someone you should be considering a family member that you'd look out for, not perv over. Get a grip. Get honest with yourself and stop looking for enablers. Sorry I know the words are harsh but it just sounds like you're looking for someone to say it's alright. I don't think it is.

aidan24326

IceICEbaby wrote: »

*Also, the fact she put those pics on facebook doesn't mean she's inviting attention to them. I have millions of photos on facebook that I throw up after a night out. Many of them have 'the girls' and I dressed up or whatever. But they're not put there for people to "salivate" over.

Bullsh1t. If you don't want people to look at pictures you've put on facebook, then don't put them there in the first place. This is the stupid thing about sites like bebo and facebook, people plaster their life in words and pictures all over the internet and then get all precious and offended when someone has the cheek to actually have a look. Like I said, if you don't want people to look don't put them there. It's pretty simple really.

EDIT: just as an added note, I think people in general need to be more aware of just how unprivate a place the internet actually is.

Ickle Magoo

That's true to some extent tho I imagine when the girl in the OP put the pictures up, she wasn't expecting great uncle goodguybad to be trawling through them for cheap thrills.

Ickle Magoo

I know that, I was pointing out that they have been members of the same family since she was 6 years old. It doesn't matter that she's past the age of consent now, it's seriously creepy that a much older relative is oggling pics of her.

Ickle Magoo

Of course it's creepy. If you found out a relative you've known for most of your life and was twice your age was salivating over pictures of you, you'd be ok with that? :eek:

tbh

sunflower27 wrote: »

He isnt a blood relative either, is he?

red herring. I'm not a blood relative to either of my 4 year old nieces, but the thoughts of getting aroused over pics of them in 18 years turns my stomach. I'm not saying it'd be a conscious reaction, but I wouldn't go hunting for pics of them either.

tbh

sunflower27 wrote: »

I get what you are saying but I really dont think the OP is a perve or creepy from what he said.

no me either, but if he carries on, he may be labelled

Ickle Magoo

I'm adopted, the thought that people think it's okay for non-blood relatives to fancy a young member of the family is worrying.

Seriously, like there isn't enough people in the world without having to get a hard on for relatives, blood relation or no. It takes very little self-control not to trawl a website to deliberately salivate over junior family members, that's the creepy bit. Yeeuuch!

LegacyUser

HI, Original op again.
thanks for the replies i guess the differing male/female perspectives are fairly obvious.
I never said i was obsessing over her which somebody said and neither am I stalking her - i was just looking at her profile as she had been slagging me about facebook over xmas.
my main concern was and i probably didn't put this in the original mail, but it's when i see her again i'm a bit worried about how i might feel. Like, am i just going to be normal or am i going to be visualising her virtually in her undies (sorry if that sounds pervy, but it's a real concern).

to the person who asked, my marriage is great, no issues there etc...

thanks.

LegacyUser

Aww i dont think you have done anything wrong and i think it is unfair you are being branded a perv,

I am female and i snoop on facebook all the time at peoples pics, lots of people do, why should he be judged like that he may have been harmlessly looking,

I am also an artist and have many pics up of myself dressed up in wigs naked but have covered my bits with cherries and stars in a tasteful way otherwise you wouldnt be allowed have the pics up but any of us who dress up like that know that there is a sexual vibe off the pics, i have many friends on facebook from all ages, facebook is a new phenomenon for most but especially the older generation who have maybe not come into contact with the way younger people have desensitized themselves to images of this sort.

What happened was that the Op saw the pic and might have been turned on by it, as long as you have self awareness about that and you know it was a moment where head and penis collide then its grand IMO. The fact you were so freaked out by your reaction says you are not a perv IMO.

Babooshka

ARTistSPUDIO wrote: »

....as long as you have self awareness about ....quote]


....So much self awareness that he has to come posing a question to a bunch of internet srangers as to whether it's ok or not? Sure thing.

A quiet one

goodguybad wrote: »

HI, Original op again.
thanks for the replies i guess the differing male/female perspectives are fairly obvious

Really? Kindly prove it.

The Recliner

A quiet one wrote: »

Really? Kindly prove it.

A quiet one that is irrelevant to the thread

I have already had to delete one comment from you that added nothing to the thread but gave you the benefit of the doubt

Take the thread off topic again or post a sensationalist comment and you will earn a ban

Ickle Magoo

goodguybad wrote: »

HI, Original op again.
thanks for the replies i guess the differing male/female perspectives are fairly obvious.

I'd say the age perspectives are more obvious...even more so those with children and older, married non-blood relatives. :P

Tbh, you can't really help what goes through your head when you see her. In your own words you've been "salivating" over pictures of her and deliberately sexualising her, I'd be amazed if anything other than images of her in her undies pop into your head when you see her.

LegacyUser

Babooshka wrote: »

ARTistSPUDIO wrote: »

....as long as you have self awareness about ....quote]


....So much self awareness that he has to come posing a question to a bunch of internet srangers as to whether it's ok or not? Sure thing.

Yes thats self awareness IMO.