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what's worse?

  • 05-01-2010 7:16pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I went for almost 2 years without self harming. Then I went through a rough patch and hurt myself a little. I confided in a friend, who also confided in me that she makes herself sick. She's telling me that me cutting myself once is way worse than her making herself sick because she can control her making herself sick.

    I'm confused - I thought both were equally bad...

    I'm getting help for mine, she's not getting help for hers. I think I'm in a better position, no?


Comments

  • #2
    Zainal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27 ✭Zainal


    While it sounds like your friend might be in denial, you should be careful about the "I'm in a better position" line of thought. It's far to easy to go from that to rationalising your self harm, which may be what has happened to your friend.

    I hope things get better for you.


  • #3
    Novella
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    Tbh, I think being in the frame of mind where you are comparing the depth of damage you are doing to yourself against the depth of damage another person is doing to themself is a bad place to be.

    Your friend is making herself sick. She needs help.

    It is good that you are getting help to overcome self harming though and I hope it goes well for you. Perhaps you should suggest the same to your friend.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    There is no comparison - both are serious problems that need dealing with. I'm glad you're getting help, and I wish you all the best.

    Your friend might think she can 'control' making herself sick, and maybe for now she can.

    I'm bulimic. A year ago I would have laughed if someone told me that today I'd be sitting here in tears, trying to control the urge not to throw up. Throwing up is something I'd done on one off occasions since I was 13. I'd only do it a few times a year, I could control it, it wasn't a problem. I just turned 20. Last June I did it again for the first time in months (as was my habit), but something changed. Within a couple of months I couldn't stop. For the past few months it's been almost daily, sometimes several times a day.

    I NEVER thought it would get to be a problem. I thought I was too smart (spot my ignorance) to end up with an eating disorder. I didn't think I'd ever be hardcore enough (spot my immaturity AND my ignorance) to develop bulimia.

    She genuinely believes she can control it, and maybe right now she can - but it won't last if she continues. I'm in counselling right now trying to fight this - and it's hard. I got sucked in so much quicker than I ever could have anticipated - she needs to understand that she needs help. She may already be further gone than I am, I don't know, but the sooner she gets help, the easier it will be to move past this.

    I will say though, try not to push her too much. If you keep confronting her and try to force her to get help, she'll most likely start lying to you, and pretend she's not doing it anymore. Show her this thread even, I'd be happy to talk to her.

    I'm presuming you're both quite young, though maybe I'm mistaken. Either way, fair play to you for getting help - it's not easy. Take care of yourself and remember that you BOTH have a serious problem - neither one is 'worse' than the other.


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