Advice on being dumped

kats26

So this is new to me to write on boards - my bf dumped me without any reason, and then stayed the night with me and went home the following day at about 3.30pm and we had chats that morning while in bed. Now I've been in tears ever since and got a text from him that night to say Night for Old time sake and a few XX - then on Sunday morning got a text to say that he really missed me and just realised the consequence of his decision and I spent the day thinking about it and text him that night asking him did he really mean what he said and he said he did - so I asked could we not give it another try and this time maybe communicate more but he said no that in a few weeks we might just start to aggrivate each other - but what if we didn't start to aggrivate each other, is it not worth the risk - have since found out that a few people asked him did he not think of getting engaged over the holidays - we've been together 8 months, never gave him any indication that i wanted to get engaged - is he just afraid. I have deleted his number from my phone and also deleted him as a friend on facebook but I really miss him and just need advice on what is it men want.

Paulegend

really the only thing is it depends on why he broke up with you. i went through a really bad break up awhile back myself and found it hard to get through but i talked to her. we met for coffee and talked about where we are in our own lives and what we are feeling and why we think we are feeling like this. we are still good friends 2 years later. maybe you should meet him away from drink(important or else one thing leads to another but nothing is solved). talk to him and try to see why ye broke up. if he doesnt feel the same for you as you do for him at least you would know. the first couple of weeks are the hardest and you will do anything to get back together and not care how things are. dont give in to temptation. you can only get back together if ye work what ever it is out.

sorry to hear about the break up though. i hope everything works out.

tbh

OP, we have a dedicated forum for relationship issues. I can move your post there, or if you want to leave it here to get a more male-centered point of view, just say.

ta.

Otis Driftwood

You have taken the first steps,ie deleting his number and removing him from FB.I know how you feel and that the urge to get in touch is over whelming but for now dont,the fact is,he ended it,not you so its up to him to tell you why he did it and to ask for a second chance.

As for getting engaged after only 8 months together,call me old fashioned but thats far too soon.

I would say wait for him to get in touch,if he wants to meet do so in a neutral venue and do it over a coffee,not drinks,alcohol may blur the edges.

Its not an easy place you are in but good luck.

Trout99

I just went through a breakup aswell and my gf! Like you I dont know what it was over!!! I bet ya he does still miss you. If he's telling you he is he's not just saying it for the craic

kats26

I texted him yesterday and asked him if he did miss me and wasn't going to do anything about it or be willing to give it another go to not text me with those thoughts again as it wasn't fair on me. I just don't understand where it came from thats what hurts the most, especially as we chatted most of Friday and there were good chats and have since found out from a friend that he though that he seemed so into me and that he hadn't seen him like this with someone for ages.

the_barfly1

Hmm... Let me be frank.

Hi, i'm frank.
Now i dont want to seem harsh, but if your boyfriend decided to end it, it wouldn't have been without reason. He may not be telling you the reason, but its there.
You've already extended the olive branch and said "give it another go", but he's refused.
This most likely means that he has no real intention of coming back.
Breaking up is hard enough in the best of circumstances, and sometimes us nice guys decide that this whole chatting and being friendly craic is a good way of letting someone down easy.
It isnt.
All it does is give false hope to the dumpee which will eventually lead to some pretty deep resentment of the respective ex.
Best thing to do is practice a little self control- tell him you dont want to talk to him and not to contact you unless YOU contact him. And dont do that and then start sending messages saying you miss him etc. If he actually does think hes made a mistake he'll end up on your doorstep some night begging you to take him back, if not, well then just forget it.
In the meantime the best thing you can do is pick yourself up, head out this weekend and go get some. Nothing like a rebound score to ease the pain.
In a week or two you'll be seeing things a bit more clearly too and maybe realise that it actually wasnt a good thing ye had going, you do have to remember that Love Is Blind, but hindsight is 20/20.
So go pick yourself up and have some fun, and apologies for my bluntness here, i do speak from experience though.

All the best, and good luck

star-pants

Welll... it's hard to tell what's going on in his head.
He might have cold feet, he might not be feeling the relationship anymore, he might think a bunch of things.

Right now, he's broken up with you and is contacting you saying he misses you.
This is rather unfair, if you were texting him saying 'I miss you' when he'd done the breaking he'd not be too happy.

If he really wants you back/has made a mistake, he needs to prove it, by contacting you asking to meet up for (non alcoholic, cuz sober is better) a drink or coffee and having a chat. Otherwise I wouldn't contact him, as much as it hurts, he's obviously made a decision and feels bad as he doesn't dislike you but doesn't want to be with you, or he's still unsure of his decision. Eitherway, only he can figure it out right now.

I got broken up with out of the blue before, and his friends were all shocked because they thought he was mad about me. A week later he was with a girl he met around the same time as me and they're together a few years now. Not saying that's the case, but just saying that what other people say isn't always the facts of what's going on in the persons head.

So right now, you're hurting, natural. Don't contact him. IF/when he contacts you asking to meet up, that's your choice, only you know yourself. If he keeps contacting saying 'hey I miss you' blah blah, tell him that either he wants to talk to you properly or not at all, that sending such messages isn't helping anyone. Harsh but true. Some people feel sorry for themselves after a breakup and want reassurance from the person they broke up with/got broken up by. Not really fair.

No contact, unless he makes it, he has the ball in his court as they say.

And going out right after you've been broken up with and sleeping with the first person who comes along is the *worse* idea ever IMO. If you're not emotionally and mentally enough past the person you're broken up with it just makes it a whole lot worse. I got pushed into dating someone too soon and it was such a disaster, for them and for me. Getting someone under you does not equal getting over someone else.

OldGoat

Moved here from tGC.

Sanjuro

What do men want? How long is a piece of string?

Unfortunately there's no concrete answer to your question. Everybody's different. Myself and my best friend have vastly different ideas of what we want from a relationship, yet in our interests and activities, we're very similar. There's no way of predicting what a person wants. It can change overnight, and in relationship cases, that can cause a lot of hurt and consternation.

My advice, OP, make a clean break. It sucks. I know it does. I've been on both ends of break ups. But if I have learned anything, it's that once that break is made, it needs to be made clean. You don't have to cut contact forever, but immediately after you break up with someone, you need to concentrate on yourself. Whether you're the one who's hurt or the one who's causing the hurt, a line must be drawn and you cannot cross it.
I understand why your ex contacts you with text messages and what not. But it's unfair. On both of you. In your case it just gives you hope. False or otherwise. Resist the temptation to reply if he contacts you. It's the only way to feel better.

Best of luck

straricco

So sorry to hear your hurting, as I think most people know heartache is the worst feeling ever.

1st thing that struck me, if he broke up with you, why did you let him stay over? My bf dumped me in my house, (needed a break!!) in my bed infact, and seemed reluctant to leave, so I said to him "why are you still here, you just dumped me!".

You need a cleanbreak! Its hard, close up there to the hardest thing in life but it has to be done. Maybe he needs space, and the only way for him to realise this is to actually have this time away from you. Try and keep your pride by not contacting him, you'll be glad you did. A few mths down the line you'll prob have a new bloke and have forgotten all about him!

All the best

xx

ash23

You need to look at his actions and not his words. Words are meaningless and trite and it's very easy to say something. It takes more to do something.
So leaving out what he has said, lets look at what he has done.

1. Broken up with you
2. Had sex with you when you were vunerable
3. Given you false hope
4. Re-iterated again that he no longer wants to be with you


It's all so easy for him to say "I miss you xxx" but the long and the short of it is that unless he arrives on your door begging and pleading to get back together, then he doesn't want to get back together.
He is trying to make you feel better and trying to make himself feel better but it's all talk.

Breaking up sucks and it hurts like hell. But the longer you harbour false hopes, the longer the hurting lasts.
You've been very wise in deleting his number etc.
Now, stop concentrating on him and start concentrating on yourself. Meet up with your mates, get your hair done, sort out your wardrobe, start doing something you've always thought about doing.......you'll feel great and it'll keep you busy.