Am I fooling myself?

GameTimes

Very long and confusing story so apologies for any confusion and the length, I'll try and explain as best I can.

Basically my heads a mess and just want to sort it all out by writing it down really. I'd appreciate any advice

James and I have been best friends for the guts of four years now, never was anything else up until last Summer that is. On a few different occasions on a night out he would act a bit more than friendly but I never acted upon it and we didn't speak of it the next day. I figured he couldn't possibly have meant what he was saying and there was no need to bring it up to embarass him, not to say we didn't talk about it at all, it was joked about but never serious talk.

However as summer progressed so did other things....One drunken night out one thing lead to another and we kissed...nothing more, just that. Needless to say things were a bit awkward the next day but we just put it down to the drink and laughed it off and went on as normal. The thing is, it's kind of been a regular occurance since the summer though....it seems to be a "normal" thing if we end up together on a night out and I have to admit I do have a good time with him. :rolleyes:

Up until about a month ago I was happy with how things were, it was sort of an unspoken friends with benefits type thing, we were both free to do what we wanted and when we were out we werent always with each other. I've seen him with other girls and he has seen me with other boys and no problems at all. Recently though I've realised just how childish it all is and my friends have begun to question our behaviour as well. In the beginning there were no feelings there, I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that it was all just drunken banter but I don't know if I can say the same thing anymore? I've begun to think that surely we couldn't just pointlessly be going back to one another time after time?

We still are the best of friends but don't talk as regularly as we used to....whether its down to college, work, or maybe this...? It's never seemed to be a problem before? But now I'm starting to think that I could develop feelings for him if we do continue with this vicious cycle and just want to get somebody elses opinion on it.

Is he just using me because he knows he can have me?? What gets me is the fact that its been happening over almost 6 months now (bear in mind I don't mean every single night were out....maybe 3/4 times a month) but still why bother for that long? It's always him who initiates it, and it's not as though he has a problem getting girls at all and could get any girl he wanted. So am I just an easy go to girl or might there be a reason that he does keep coming back? I know some might say it's just as easy as asking him.....but it really isn't. He was the type in the past to get a lot of girls and I don't want to ruin our friendship or embarass myself by asking him if really all I am is another girl on his list....?

Taltos

Totally with Sunflower27 on that.
Look the worst he can say is nah - want to just be friends - but at least you know where you stand.

This sounds a bit like my and my OH - tricking around for a while - mainly cause I was terrified of asking her out. James might just be the same here - terrified of losing you as a friend but hugely attracted to you at the same time - a real head-wrecker...

Take a chance - it might work out - and if it doesn't then at least you know where you stand and you can focus on just having fun.

GameTimes

Thanks for the reply guys

Wasn't really expecting to hear that, was expecting to hear that I'm only fooling myself and that he is just using me. So confused over everything Not even sure what I want out of it all but I suppose that's another problem for another day :P Guess I'll have to wait and see how it all pans out the next night? :rolleyes: