Wrecking my Life.

LegacyUser

Hi just want to get some neutral opinions.
Am male mid 30s and single. Have my own place etc.
Am fierce unhappy living here- house only bought cos it was cheap but way too rural. Recently got a new job to try to pay off my debts but I only chose the job cos its commutable The job is fine but demanding.)

Am outwardly very 'lucky' but inside am miserable and have been thinking loads this break (since I couldn't get out!).... sure whats the point?
I used to live abroad and enjoyed the frredom of the weather/other cultures. Nobody back here seems interested in any of that and now I live in the past inside my head. All my friends are now family people and rarely go out to concerts/shows etc which I enjoy. Same with my family- just don't seem to identify with them. I am beginning to think that there is something wrong with me? I keep getting all these 'shoulds' in my head. I should fit in/go to mass/get married/have babies/ etc. I try to block them out but I become the outsider.

Anyhow I was wondering about getting a job abroad again but would it be wrong to walk away from my brand new brilliant job/pension....everyone will say I really have lost it....what will I do with my house....my debts (15k).

Am so confused and when I read back on this I just think I am trying to run away. I just feel so weary from thinking back & forth on this all the time. I am considered smart but reading back on this I would appear to be a complete self sabateur.
Can anyone see a sensible set of actions I could take before I am 50!!!(a 1 year plan or something) that are not obvious to me because I'm so stuck/submerged/trapped. thanks for reading..

LegacyUser

Do you feel as though you are wrecking your life? How are you wrecking your life ?
Look at how lucky you are to have a good job and a house. Your just probably in search of some Joy in your life. Maybe you could get that from going to more concerts and shows ect , or by meeting some new people. Don't be tempted to make drastic mad self sabotaging actions because you need some drama or something. You are not alone anyway, lots of people are in debt and lots of people are just slowly going along, and going through the motions. Hopefully somehow moving forward. Thats the whole Idea really about life isnt it ? To move forward and progress. And of course be free as well , but sometimes when your in debt you dont really feel too free. Ummm... Watch some savage eye , and cheer up! xxx

tenchi-fan

Hi I'm 28 and in the same position. My jobs commutable too but I'm still commuting 3.5 hours a day. Everyone thinks I have a brilliant job - I'm actually going to apply somewhere else just for a change of scenery.

Anyway, here's my advice.
#1 pay off the loan. Even if it means cutting up your credit card and eating tins of beans for the next few months, there is no reason to be in debt. It will only weigh you down.

#2 you bought your house cheap so you were lucky. Even if you go travelling you can rent it out (should cover interest only mortgage payments at least), and it will still be there when you get back. You will have the mortgage paid off by retirement age and be living rent free so don't worry about owning a house!! It's a good thing!!

#3 Find something to do in the evenings. A local school or college might do adult education courses so pick a couple of them to do. Foreign language, creative writing, kick-boxing, drawing etc. You will meet new people and the courses will give you something interesting to do! If you're in a gym, most gyms run courses too which will make going to the gym more interesting.

#4 Plan a nice holiday! Take a week off to go abroad and relax.

I don't know you well enough to give you a longer therm plan but to me it sounds like you are just stuck in a bit of a rut (aka the rat-race) and a bit of routine will sort you out.

Use google for ideas on setting out longer term plans (3-year, 5-year etc). Unfortunately at your age packing everything in and skipping off on a round the world trip probably won't accomplish much (unless you're planning on emigrating you will still have to return home!)

iguana2005

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Use google for ideas on setting out longer term plans (3-year, 5-year etc). Unfortunately at your age packing everything in and skipping off on a round the world trip probably won't accomplish much (unless you're planning on emigrating you will still have to return home!)

Get a grip mate! Travelling is for life and what's wrong with taking a 3 or 5 year break no matter what age you are?! - very Irish of you.

OP you are lucky with your house etc...go rent it and head off travelling. Just got my residency for downunder and cant wait. Anyone will tell you(well most) that once you have travelled its hard to get out of the system...you also realise how small ireland is...its not all about the house/mortgage/life long job...I find downunder its about the quality of life...I walked to work every morning in glorious sun shine(usully!)..eat the best of fresh fish!...learnt to sail..met new friends...do things more out of the ordinary...

you can always come home ireland will always be here...life is for LIVING!!

LegacyUser

I am mid 30s single and know exactly where youre coming from. I own a house have a great career. But I feel there is something really missing. Over the last few days with being stuck in alone i have plenty of time to think. I can either
- appreciate and value what i have achieved more.
and/or
- do something that makes me really proud of myself.
My solution of choice is both and I intend to stay in my career and do some extra curricular things that make me proud of myself. I think changing jobs for the sake of it can be a temporary solution to an inner problem.

tenchi-fan

iguana2005 wrote: »

Get a grip mate! Travelling is for life and what's wrong with taking a 3 or 5 year break no matter what age you are?! - very Irish of you.

Without more details on the OPs financial status I can't give any better advice.

It might be possible for him to get a visa to live in Oz, and get a skilled job over there. Who knows? I personally don't think it's a good solution to travel for 3-5 years at his age if he intends on returning to Ireland, but he should definitely consider all his options including emigration.

From a financial POV he's €15k in debt and that's the first thing he needs to concentrate on. It's obviously an issue for him. This can't be paid off over night.

Given the current climate it might be difficult to cover the mortgage of a rural house by renting it out long-term, not to mention the implications of managing the property while abroad. Selling a house is not an easy decision given the current state of the market.

He said he's mid-30's with a good job and a good pension. It's good to plan for your retirement and taking up to 5 years "out" isn't really an option. Besides it's harder for people to start a career in their early 40s.

Crea

You are young(ish) and have no ties. Work on a plan to clear your debts and go work abroad again. You are living your life of "what ifs" in relation to travel and if you don't do it you'll regret it. My friend is living abroad for the past 5 years and has a letting company arrange the rental of her house.
Don't be afraid to take a chance on making yourself happy.

LegacyUser

Me again..
Thanks for the opinions. The debt was run up from being abroad trying to service the 'debt' of the mortgage or as i prefer to call it- this noose around my neck!
I watched the savage eye thing on you tube- the clip where 'house'was substituted for most words. Very funny but oh sooo true.

I will clear the debt by living cheaply and try to work out a 'will be debt free by' date and get out to find clubs which I already do. Must try harder I guess.

Iguana...glad you got your visa...read your other posts and I think you won't look back. Good luck!

iguana2005

Crea wrote: »

You are young(ish) and have no ties.

young my friend..he is young...age is only a bloody number .....as a good friend of mine says..'your only as young as the man(woman) you feel...'

young(ish)...ha ha..I think OLD is a state of mind...my friends are in the 50's and definataly dont consider themsleves old..


jeez im rambling again...good luck op

Eve_Dublin

iguana2005 wrote: »

Crea wrote: »

You are young(ish) and have no ties.

young my friend..he is young...age is only a bloody number .....as a good friend of mine says..'your only as young as the man(woman) you feel...'

young(ish)...ha ha..I think OLD is a state of mind...my friends are in the 50's and definataly dont consider themsleves old..


jeez im rambling again...good luck op

Agreed Iguana. Nothing drives me crazier than that attitude of, "You're in your mid-thirties...time to get sensible". Being sensible and buying a house is what got you in this situation in the first place. Sometimes the supposed "sensible" option is not all that sensible (in hindsight at least). Not saying it wasn't a good plan at the time to buy a house...you weren't to know what was to come but it's not the end of the world and 15K is not a massive debt if you're employed and it must be a nice feeling owning something substantial like that. I honestly doubt I ever will.

I don't see what is so risky about renting your house and getting the hell out of the country....not necessarily travelling but maybe teaching English somewhere so you still have money coming that you can save and maybe move on somewhere else (I do this in Madrid and it was the best decision I ever made and I'm almost 30). You always have the house as a safety net, which is more than a hell of a lot of people have. I know some people can't handle a life without security but I think if you spent some time out of a country this size, it's very hard to settle into it again. I know I feel I sometimes have to justify what I'm doing to my peers in Ireland because of my age and where I SHOULD be in my life right now...but once I get on that plane in the morning, I couldn't give a flying feck.

rivermetimbers

OP you have just chronicled the past year of my life since coming home from OZ....
try as i might, and i have, i really cannot stand it here and all i can remember is the smell and sounds of the beach, and i long to be back there.
i have a debt something similar to your own, but feel i have to throw the dice and get a little more in debt, and return to happiness.
1 year i have been home, and i have not waviered from this since the novelty weared off so i feel its for me. its really upsetting my parents who both are afraid of flying, but i cant stay here, and be a shadow of the man i should be just to keep others happy, no matter how much i love them.

i really, really hope things work out for you, and for all those telling him to get a grip, andsnap outta it, thats BS, how dare ye make so little of this mans situation by saying its just a phase..

LegacyUser

Thanks for the opinions all. Very interesting to help me sort out the head. Am working on clearing down the debts but Christ I've lived in other countries in Europe and the East and I have never found it so friggin hard to just live! You don't realise it till you live somewhere else & then once the cat is out of the bag you can't help but compare...

Like the last poster says I miss the weather/activities - where you could get out & picnic/eat/drink cheaply and be sociable. here its who you are and whose brother are ya! Also why is it that people here don't go out together anymore if they couple up/have kids? Abroad 'everyone' kept coming out for the craic...!! I know the answer is that your expat friends become your family and there are no weekend family 'duty visits' etc. You are free to decide.
I too recall telling the family that I was gonna stay abroad and wasn't spoken to for a few weeks...
I sound really negative & the thing is I am not a negative person usually but if anyone here can tell me how to live normally without being stuck for excessive charges/fees/insurances etc then it would solve a great mystery for me.
Anyhow it has helped to see that others feel the same and are also finding it hard. Makes me feel normal and understood.

jenggg

I'm just throwing this out there but do you think you would feel any better about living here if you had a girlfriend? ie someone to go to concerts/shows/picnics with? Personally speaking I'm single and feel I am missing so many things, simple things like shows, exhibitions, walks because I don't have anyone to do these things with. It's frightened me in the last year how quickly my friends have changed and become so settled (most are married or engaged) and therefore just don't have the interest in going gigging with me! I hope I NEVER become like that! I definitely feel like I am not getting the best out of life but would moving abroad make any difference to me? I really don't think so... I think I would be happy out here if I had a boyfriend to hang out with tbh! Anyway, it's just a thought...

stateofflux

all this 'is there something wrong with me because im not like "everybody else" at my age' is rediculous...just society and church programming nonsense....you seem to care too much about what other people think about YOUR life....maybe you are'nt doing what YOU want to do....fcuk everybody else...have you actually asked yourself what you really want in life? (rhetorical question)...if you answer that for yourself it would make formulating a solution easier...

from your post here are the positive facts....
*you only owe 15k.....thats nothing man....you can pay that off in less than a year...
*you own your own house...so you can rent ...
*you have no kids and you are not married
*you have money from a job coming in

if you change your perspective slightly you'll see you are a free person that can do anything you want to do....thats priceless


iguana 2005 said it right 'life is for LIVING'