Maid of Honour/Hen Night

Alicat

I was asked this week to be maid of honour for my friend's wedding next year, which I'm really chuffed about because I thought she would pick one of her sisters. However, I've never been a bridesmaid before and don't have much experience with weddings as my family is quite small so I don't really know what to expect or what's expected of me.

Of the other three bridesmaids, one is a friend of ours who doesn't normally organise anything and god love her, hasn't previously shown any initiative for even getting a small party together. The other two are the bride's 19 year old sister who I don't know very well, and the groom's sister who I've never even met. I understand it's supposed to be my responsibility to organise the hen night but I'm just wondering should the other bridesmaids be helping me with it? And who normally pays for it? After checking out some wedding sites (a lot of them American) a lot said that it was the maid of honour's responsibility to foot the bill...is this true? Cause if it is I'm in trouble! MacDonalds for everyone! The bride's family are pretty well off too and I'm terrified of getting it totally wrong.

Does the bride herself normally help choose what we do for the hen night? She briefly mentioned that she attended a hen night this year where they all went out for dinner and then just went home and she said it was so boring. I'm feeling the pressure already!

Apologies for the rambling, I have a feeling there shall be more posts from me here over the next year or so I'd really appreciate any tips about being maid of honour/ bridesmaid as well.

Thanks

tinkerbell

You can organise the hen night but get some input from the bride on what she'd like. Also, it's not your responsibility to foot the bill - that never happens. Everybody should pay for themselves, perhaps the only one who shouldn't pay is the bride - everybody splits the bill and pays a small bit extra to cover the bride's share.

aviendha

good lord, footing the bill?!? are you joking me!?
no, only the bride goes for free, and her food/accomodation cost is split between all the other attendees.

don't stress too much, just ask the bride what she wants.. general ideas, does she want the big cheesy/tacky fun of the sashes/themed party night, or prefer a quiet spa weekend, or dinner and a few drinks, or an activity like nude painting for the group, or dance class, or recording a few songs for the night..

there are loads of ideas, check out websites such as
www.poshfizz.ie
or
www.henparty.ie

get some ideas, throw them at the bride and see what she thinks.
just keep in mind the costs involved and who else will be attending.

best of luck

smelltheglove

When I was bridesmaid for my sister I couldnt get her to decide on anything, I checked tonnes of hotels and prices etc and eventually one day she just called me and said she booked it, she was tired of trying to decide.

I booked my own hens night also and my cost wasnt split amongst others either, I will admit though my brother in law insisted in paying for my room but there was no input from the girls and even for meals I paid my own way.

The main thing you should be doing is looking out for specific things to do. I really wanted to go on a comedy night fo mine, I was so looking forward to it but it wasnt organised, we got to the venue only to find there was no comedy that night, never mind half the girls decided not to come along to it as they wanted to stay in the pub.

My recommendations would be firstly to choose a city, then choose a hotel close to all amenities, check with hotels first if they accept hen nights as at the time of mine I know some Galway hotels did not allow hen or stag nights. Find out what is on in the town that weekend and make plans, book a restaurant for dinner, get there early and decorate the table, my table had little favour boxs with sweets and a funny picture of me on them, choose after dinner entertainment such as a gig or a show and then go with a flow after that.

Toots

For my sister in law's hen night, we went to Ross Castle in Cavan. There was about 13 of us there, and we had the whole place booked to ourselves. It was €70 a head including a full Irish brekkie the next morning, that also included us chipping in to cover the bride's cost. For dinner, we just brought a load of food up and cooked it ourselves. Everyone brought their own booze and a few bottles of mixers each.

It was just before Halloween so the haunted castle was a great location, we all threw in an extra tenner each, and we got a load of witches hats and feathery boas in the €2 shop, for 'costumes' - the bride to be didn't want 'L' plates etc. We had a few games like designing a wedding dress out of toilet roll, which was hysterical, and then had a few other games too.

It was a really great laugh, and it's actually scary as hell! Few weird things happened during the night, in addition to us all playing pranks on each other trying to scare everyone. It was a nice alternative to the traditional hen night.

smelltheglove

Toots* wrote: »

For my sister in law's hen night, we went to Ross Castle in Cavan. There was about 13 of us there, and we had the whole place booked to ourselves. It was €70 a head including a full Irish brekkie the next morning, that also included us chipping in to cover the bride's cost. For dinner, we just brought a load of food up and cooked it ourselves. Everyone brought their own booze and a few bottles of mixers each.

It was just before Halloween so the haunted castle was a great location, we all threw in an extra tenner each, and we got a load of witches hats and feathery boas in the €2 shop, for 'costumes' - the bride to be didn't want 'L' plates etc. We had a few games like designing a wedding dress out of toilet roll, which was hysterical, and then had a few other games too.

It was a really great laugh, and it's actually scary as hell! Few weird things happened during the night, in addition to us all playing pranks on each other trying to scare everyone. It was a nice alternative to the traditional hen night.

Sounds like great fun toots.

sidelines

For the hen night, your best bet to start off with is asking the bride who she wants to have along, what her preference is for duration and location(night away/night out where she lives/weekend away) and when she would like to have it - how many weeks before the wedding.
Once you have an idea of numbers involved it is easier to plan something.

Then get the email addresses of the others and drop them a line with the planned date, get confirmation of whether or not they can make it and let the bride know - you might find there is a friend she really wants there who cannot make the original night, or the planned time doesn't work for lots of people.

Once you have date and numbers the internet is a great help in picking locations either to travel to, for an activity, dinner etc. We went to Sligo for my sister's hen, went out to the seaweed baths during the day and walked along the beach, and dinner that night in Cafe Bar Deli. The nightclub up there was brilliant.

For the bride we made a photo album of snaps of her over the years from baby upwards, got all the friends to bring along a few, put in favourite song lyrics, etc. and stuck them in so she had a memento of the occasion.

And certainly, you do not have to pay! You can help sourcing accommodation and sending out suggestions to people.

Good luck and don't be afraid to ask your fellow bridesmaids for help!

cailin00

Hi, I could do with some help with this topic myself! I was told (not asked)I was being bridesmaid for a friend I love to bits but she's very selfish and always walks all over me, can't stand up to her no matter how hard I try.
Well she's getting married this year and I'm the only bridesmaid as she has no other friends to rely on or that want to do it.
I've had no input in the dress and she told me she's selling it afterwards. I was wondering if this is normal?
Also I've been told expected to follow her around fixing her dress and attending to her all day. I was wondering if anyone can actually tell me what my duties are. And as for the hen night I'm wondering how to avoid getting lumbered with the bill, I know she wants a stripper and I honestly can't afford to pay for one myself. Can anyone advise me on what to do please? There will only be about 4 or 5 people to attend the hen night.

aviendha

cailin00 wrote: »

I've had no input in the dress and she told me she's selling it afterwards. I was wondering if this is normal?

It's not required that the bridesmaid have input on the dress... at the end of the day, it's the bride who wears it! Brides might bring someone along if they are unsure themselves, but otherwise not necessary. Also, selling it is quite normal afterwards.. no point in leaving a beautiful dress to gather dust, might as well give it another day out!

cailin00 wrote: »

Also I've been told expected to follow her around fixing her dress and attending to her all day. I was wondering if anyone can actually tell me what my duties are.

best thing is to talk to the bride and ask her what kind of help she is requiring on the day. You won't be expected to "follow her around" all day, but it would be nice for you to help her, help arrange her veil for the photographs, help bustle the dress before the dancing, keep her relaxed.. the usual friend role.

It doesn't sound as if you are very excited/happy about being bridesmaid, so maybe it's just not for you and you would be happier being a guest at the wedding rather than bridesmaid? You should have a chat with the bride and outline your concerns, I'm sure she'll understand.

Toots

aviendha wrote: »

It's not required that the bridesmaid have input on the dress... at the end of the day, it's the bride who wears it! Brides might bring someone along if they are unsure themselves, but otherwise not necessary. Also, selling it is quite normal afterwards.. no point in leaving a beautiful dress to gather dust, might as well give it another day out!

I took that to mean she had no input into her bridesmaids dress. I think usually it's the bride's call at the end of the day, but since you'll be wearing it, you should have some say in it. I've never known of a bride to take the dress back from the bridesmaid, although I suppose if she buys it she can sell it....

elleelle19

Does anyone know of any spa/hotels that do hen packages? Thanks

cailin00

Yeah I meant the bridesmaid dress, I actually did help choose the wedding dress. I know I need to just talk to her but can't. Thanks for the replies:)

aviendha

Toots* wrote: »

I took that to mean she had no input into her bridesmaids dress. I think usually it's the bride's call at the end of the day, but since you'll be wearing it, you should have some say in it. I've never known of a bride to take the dress back from the bridesmaid, although I suppose if she buys it she can sell it....

doh, silly me... apologies!!
strange not to have any input on the bridesmaid dress at all alright... and while I have seen a lot of bridesmaid dresses on sale, personally think it's a little strange, and will certainly be giving the dresses to my bridesmaids to keep afterwards... would be weird asking for them back imo.

apologies again for the misinterpretation... typical bridezilla, it's all about the bride in my head!!

Lucky1218

I'm going to a bridesmaid this year and thanks for the tips:p