Husband said "He didn't love me"

garfield4529

A few months ago my husband told me "He didn't love me anymore ". My world was shattered :eek:. Christmas was very tough and I'm not looking forward to the New Year. We've been together since we were in our teens and have kids.

I suffered a stroke many years ago from an operation . I lost interest in myself and because of medication I slipped into my own world. I didn't feel like socializing and became isolated . My husband found it difficult to cope with the change in me.

After he told me "He didn't love me " I snapped out of it . I started working on my appearance , weight and went off the anti depressants . I've been working hard to try to win him back . Hes still bitter how closed off I became , giving up working on our relationship.

Its been a few months now and he still has resentment . I understand his pain , but as I tried to explain to him , I've changed. I know I've made mistakes but I can't keep suffering for them .

I'm hoping someone has been in a similar situation and can offer some advise . Am I wasting my time or should I give him more time ?

DubLass

Sorry I have no advice but your story touched me and I wish you lots of luck

star-pants

(not blaming you btw) but your husband obviously has a lot of issues surrounding you after the operation etc, and maybe his resentment/feeling unwanted went on so long he's having trouble dealing.
You've started working on yourself which is great (no matter what the outcome of you and him) because you do need to care for yourself too.
Would you guys consider counselling? I know it doesn't work for everyone, but I think it's worth a shot, he's clearly got a lot he needs to get through/comes to terms with, as might you, but if ye went to counselling you guys might be able to work through it together and see if ye can rekindle things.

daisybelle2008

Fair play to you for being so understanding. You have been through a lot and have every right to feel as let down by him as he does by you. What happened to 'in sickness and in health'. Don't be so hard on yourself, it looks like instead of supporting you, he could not accept your debilitated state and moved on. Be a little more objective about the situation. Could he let you down again? You have done your best to improve the situation, if he cannot see that and appreciate your effort after being through such a terrible situation then maybe he is not worth fighting for anymore. Anyways if he does not feel the same way anymore you maybe have to forget about him and move on with your own life. You have done a lot so be proud of yourself and do not waste your energy now.

Miss Fluff

Sounds like both of you could really benefit from couples counselling. Do you think your OH would be open to going with you? Do you feel he wants to salvage/work on your marriage?

vorbis

eh what??

Not to belittle the OP but the husband has probably been living in a bad situation for what sounds like 5+ years?!

If anything, he's lasted longer than most people would have. Its good the OP has managed to snap out of her depressive state. However, its unfair to expect the husband to automatically be able to brush all the bad years under the carpet.

Chinafoot

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Fair play to you for being so understanding. You have been through a lot and have every right to feel as let down by him as he does by you. What happened to 'in sickness and in health'. Don't be so hard on yourself, it looks like instead of supporting you, he could not accept your debilitated state and moved on. Be a little more objective about the situation. Could he let you down again? You have done your best to improve the situation, if he cannot see that and appreciate your effort after being through such a terrible situation then maybe he is not worth fighting for anymore. Anyways if he does not feel the same way anymore you maybe have to forget about him and move on with your own life. You have done a lot so be proud of yourself and do not waste your energy now.

I don't wish to put down the OP in any way but I do feel that your post is very unfair on her husband.

The OP said

I suffered a stroke many years ago from an operation . I lost interest in myself and because of medication I slipped into my own world. I didn't feel like socializing and became isolated . My husband found it difficult to cope with the change in me.

Now if the OP was in her "own world" for many years, its incredibly unfair to slate the husband as you have done. A few months of effort won't automatically make up for many years of non communication, introversion and isolation. Now before anyone jumps down my throat, I'm not in any way blaming the OP. I'm simply saying, it's not as simple as he couldnt handle her "debilitated state and moved on". The situation can't have been easy for him either.

To the OP, counselling is the way to go here. You've both been through an awful time but if this has gone on for years you can't just expect it to go back to normal after a few months.

I hope you can salvage things.

garfield4529

thanks all for your replies, this weekend, we had a bit of time 2gether,and chatted,
i know it was not easy for him,nor me but i need to support his feelings and make him more happier when he comes home. and stop bringing up what he said, if i can get over a stroke i can get over anything. life is about getting stronger not about giving up.;)