would you do it?

mayisuggest

I have been seeing a really cool guy who treats me very well. things are going good.
his ex girlfriend is about to have his baby, and their relationship is awful.
is it a a bad idea to risk getting in the middle of this mess, especially with a child involved?

minidazzler

Nothing wong with having a relationship with him. But don't get involved in the kids life unless you KNOW it will be a long term thing.

NothingMan

My advice, Don't get in the middle of it. Date and do things together but don't get in anyway involved with the baby or that side of his life. Take things slow and if things work out then eventually you can be brought into that side of his life.

But don't end things just because he has a child. Everyone has an ex so that's part of any relationship, the baby makes it a little more difficult but don't miss out on something that could be great because of that.

Abi

mayisuggest wrote: »

I have been seeing a really cool guy who treats me very well. things are going good.
his ex girlfriend is about to have his baby, and their relationship is awful.
is it a a bad idea to risk getting in the middle of this mess, especially with a child involved?

My gut feeling would tell me not to go there. They've obviously only split up in the last nine months, did you ask him why?

Fago!

Date him, but as Nothingman said, don't get involved in t'kid's life until you're certain it's a serious relationship. Then you can be gradually introduced into the mix.

Abi

Fago_25 wrote: »

Date him, but as Nothingman said, don't get involved in t'kid's life until you're certain it's a serious relationship. Then you can be gradually introduced into the mix.

I dunno, it's very early days if you ask me. I don't think just by the information given in the original post that anyone could give a straight yes or no answer here. I'd be very interested in knowing why they broke up in the first place. For example, if he decided to split up with her because the notion of a baby scared the life out of him, he may very well change his mind when he sees his new son / daughter.

Babies can either make or break a relationship, as the saying goes. MayIsuggest is going to have to set her feelings aside for him just for now, and try find out some answers. If she sticks her head in the sand over this, she could just wind up being hurt =/

stripysocks85

Would you do it?NO
Is it risky getting involved? YES

As soon as a child is brought into the equation, everything changes. He'll be [presumably] expected to be involved, babysit, spend evenings/weekends with her etc etc. If their relationship is already rocky, a new bird on the scene less than 9 months later will only antagonise things.

I'd say let sleeping dogs lie for the time being. Let him get used to being a father for a while first.

metrovelvet

Very bad timing. Founded in loss. Impending fatherhood. Transitional woman. Bad relationship with mither of his child. I wouldnt let him in if his cock were studded in diamonds.

Novella

I think it's impossible for any of us to be able to say what you should do really.

It's not just you and him involved here. He has an ex girlfriend who is about to have his baby. I think it's important to take her feelings into account as well. She is probably scared at the prospect of having a baby and being alone etc. so seeing the father of her impending arrival moving on with his life so quickly and without her could be quite upsetting.

I don't think there's any problem with you seeing him, hanging out and that kind of thing but maybe for the moment, it'd be better if he focused on becoming a daddy.

Obviously, I don't know the background of this so I could be way off here but that's my 2c. I know if I was expecting a baby, (this is actually probably completely selfish) but I'd want the father to just concentrate on me and our child in the beginning. It has to be terrifying to be on your own.

Also, I'd be more attracted to a guy and think more of him if I was in your position and he said to me, "Listen, I like you but at the moment, I'm just gonna be there for my ex and our baby."

As I said though, nothing wrong with you two chilling and taking it slow.

mayisuggest

thanks guys, comments great help...think he needs to focus on trying to be a good dad for now, I dont think Ill stand in the way of that. The kid comes first. will see how things go anyway, thanks vey much

p.s. metrovelvet I love your way with words

minidazzler

On the Flipside, he might be resentful if you don't try just because he has a kid.

The Kid should always come first, but he will have and need Him time too!

Silverfish

Moved from TLL.

Bonito

In my honest opinion, I'd stay away, this man isn't the be all and end all of your relationships. Also by coming here for advice you have doubts about the relationship yourself which you should confront, weigh up pro's and con's of being with him. There's two sides to a breakup, obviously you can ask him his side but you can't go behind him and ask his ex why they're no longer a couple, trust in your own feelings and do right by you and what's best for you, you're not the cause of the rut between him and his ex so make sure not to let yourself be the solution or quick fix to it because if you choose to get involved long term then you'll have to allow his ex to be part of your life, and also allow their child to be part of both your life and your relationship. It's a big decision on your part so take your time and don't be hasty. Overall I think from the fact he and his ex are having a child that their relationship was quite serious and if they're only recently broken up he may well be on a rebound and with that I would give the relationship a pass, at least for the time being anyway.

Dublin141

Personally, I would stay away. Too many complications. The relationship will change completely once he has some responsibilties and to be honest, most parents I know split up or went through a bad patch while they were expecting a baby. Most of them sorted it out even if another person was involved. If you go for it with him, try not to get serious about it until things settle down between them - for your own sake.

Ickle Magoo

I would take things very, very, very slowly.

He's recently broken up, he's about to become a father, there is still tension and emotion between him & his ex - I'd be very wary of walking into the middle of that. Until things settle down one way or the other, I would take a step back.

Danniboo

Seen as how he just broke up with his girlfriend and started seeing you wouldn't say a lot about his character to be honest. He should have been more focused on becoming a father not hooking up with someone else. What happens if you end up pregnant for him, who will be the next person posting in PI saying my new bf has one child and a pregnant ex gf.

magneticimpulse

I would stay away. Sounds like alot of baggage. His feelings are going to change when the child is born and he will have to comprimise and get on with his ex for the sake of the child. He will be seeing his ex more and not just for the next few months but for life.

Its not something I would take on as there are plenty of men out there who do not have children with other people. If he left her while she was pregnant with his child, imagine he can up and run if you were in that situation as well?

LegacyUser

I was in a similar situation, only i was the ex. My ex broke up with shortly after freaking out after we found out i was pregnant, our relationship for the 9 months i was pregnant was awful, i was resentful of being left waddling around like a duck, and he went mad and just went out with his mates for most of my pregnancy, it was awful and i hated him for it...
And then i found out he was seeing someone when i was 7 months pregnant, it was awful, i felt used and humiliated! it was the final straw, it may sound awful, but i nearly decided to not even let him into the hospital i was so upset, not even seeing his child being born! (dont worry, he did but only because i made myself let him be there)
And before i get jumped on, no he didnt automatically have a right to see me making his baby while he was sleeping with someone else!!!
Anyway, my point is, he dumped said girl when i had our daughter, he wanted to patch up, said he had been confused, i never ever could forgive him and years later, i still think about it everytime he brings up getting back together.
Having a baby is a seriously stressful time, for both parties, but getting involved is never good, just because he's not pregnant, doesnt mean that he is not having a baby!!!
Is his ex dating?
If i were you, i'd steer clear until after the dust settles, stay in touch but dont get involved, things change unbelievably when the baby comes...
My ex's fling cost him a lot, hurt me but hurt her too, she got dropped like a hot potato and wasnt too happy about it, i wouldnt have liked to be her either, but then again i wouldnt date someone who had a girl already pregnant either!!!