So unbelievably confused

LegacyUser

First off, posting from a new account, i'm quite the regular on boards that friends know off, so for the moment I like to be a bit anonymous :embarrassed:

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I'm a 19 year old guy, and since the age of around 13 i've been...I don't want to say "into" as its no quite that, but interested in guys. But girls would have always been first on my mind, I just wouldn't have dismissed guys, i'd find them attractive etc.

So I thought to myself that i was Bi, which i was perfectly fine with.

Recently though (this past year), i've been wondering if i'm not bi, but gay. I've had girlfriends, not many, yet i've never felt fully "attached" to them, there be no chemistry between us, It was like we where just very good friends, but nothing more. I haven't slept with a girl, the opportunity has come up plenty, I just never felt "right" about it so i didn't persue it (nerves or because I didn't want to?)

Whenever I'm out for example, i'd notice good looking guys much more then good looking girls. Virtually every day i would pass a guy in the street, in a shop, at the shop till who i'd think is good looking, but obviously have never acted on it.

Lately, i've started to feel that i'd prefer to have a nice guy beside me, then a girl.

I should point out though, while i've kissed and done somewhat stuff with girls, i've never been with a guy, but i do want to. Yet find it impossible to find guys! I do have a gay friend, but he just hangs around with other gay guys, just goes to gay clubs, which tbh, i don't think i could do, the idea of "segregating" people doesn't sound to nice, as well as not being much of a club goer, I prefer bars/pubs.

I know this post doesn't make a lot of sense, i thought if i wrote it out it would be clearer, but its not I'm just very confused about what I am, and don't know what to do about it:(

I have told a few close friends that i'm Bi, but thats about it, never fully talked about it to someone.

Sorry again, i know this post is long and annoying

greyed

Umm, I dont think im the best one to give advice just yet hheh, but one thing I would say is to stop worrying about "what" you are. This doesnt matter. One thing I find kind of annoying when I tell someone I prefer guys is the tendency for them to follow up with "so... you're gay?" like this needed to be confirmed with an adjective.

I think the best thing to do is just let yourself figure it out at your own pace, dont worry about providing a definition for others. Easier said than done, but just relax. When I have thought about this myself, id also find I would never notice women on the street, so it might be a good indication of what you like. The best way to decide (not that you need to) is to explore your options and bars arent your only option. Check out belong to, I went to the over 18s one a while ago and they took me to my first gay bar (there are other events too), they're all dead sound and made the whole process easier. You could just chill and talk with them.

Guys/girls whatever you're into, its all very ordinary and there's certainly no need to catagorise or "segregate" yourself, I have no gay friends :pac: me and my mates, we're all the same, we just have different preferences.

Dwn Wth Vwls

As greyed says, don't get caught up in labels. If you're attracted to people, just appreciate that for what it is. It seems like you would benefit from kissing a guy, which seems a little odd to be advising that, but it sounds like it would help you figure things out a bit more.

If you don't want to go to Belong To, maybe your gay friend would take you somewhere like Pantibar. You might prefer it to a club.

Whatever happens, you're already in a pretty good situation. You've told some friends, and you're being open minded and haven't limited your options. Just take things as they come, and remember that they may change as life goes on.

Annasopra

Maybe the Gay Switchboard is a good idea just to talk things over

http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/helpline.html

eagle_&_bear

hi Stephen,

I echo what the poster above me said about talking to the gayswitchboard- they are an invaluable source and help. Also you might look at www.BelongTo.org - they are the young outreach programme for lgbt people aged 14-23 (something like that). they have a trained and professional outreach worker there called Michael Barron who has helped hundred of people just like you (and me).

go onto the website, talk to him or to the switchboard and it'll definately help. I know its a scary time and everything seems up in the air. When you come out of this 'moment' you'll see things are perfectly fine.

you are who you are and you're perfect as you are. and the trick in dealing with any personal issue is to take it 1 step at a time. you have a gay friend- thats great. he/she should be able to lend an ear and help you but you know what, when i was 19 i knew i was gay,i had come out in college and i was living the club life and i thought thats what i was suppose to do cause thats what i thought being gay meant. its not. so dont feel awkward if you dont like going to a gay club- tons of us dont go to them because of what you said-segregation.

i think ( and this is based on what I now know i needed when i was 19 but was too scard, stubborn and idiotic at the time to admit) it would help
alot if u spoke to someone in person. its always easy on a forum board (and im not trivialising your post at all) but its easy to have a brave face on line- if you feel you would like to move on this, speak to michael or to the people on the switchbaord or even the samaritans or anyone you feel comfortable talking to and just let it all out. expect tears and all. but you'll feel a whole lot better after-i can only promise that. get your worries and concerns off your chest/mind, dont bottle it up

but you know, there are plenty of people who are bisexual and have 'leanings' towards men over women and vice versa - and thats fine too. you said yourself you were fine with 'bi'. so take it 1 step at a time, dont panic yourself and dont be afraid to ask for help. you've done all the hard work upto now.

i know its scary and confusing but sometimes there just isn't a straight forward (no pun intended there) answer. sometimes 1+1 doesnt always equal 2. don't beat yourself up over this. stop being hard on yourself.

do talk about it. reply on this thread if u prefer. get it off your chest but do speak about it to someone either on the phone or in person.

like what other people have said, dont get hell bent on titles and box yourself in. honeslty mate, gay/bi/str8 whatever.... it really means nothing in the bigger picture. when u complete this, you're still going to be you. still gonna get up. go to work/college and no one will give a flying *beep*. there'll be no mardi gras. - coming out is a terrible let down. god knows what i was expecting 10yrs ago but there ya go

you're only 19- you're not meant to have all the answers- no one does. but dont beat yourself up over it. every day you learn something new about yourself.

you're perfect as you are.

if you want to talk at any stage, you're incredibly welcome to drop a line.

take care of yourself and take some time to think about things. there's never EVER any rush