Family Problem

onyerbikepaddy

This is embarrassing but here goes anyway.
My father passed away about 10 years ago. When he was dying, on the advice of his solicitor he made a will and left everything to my mother. She then had no tax liability.

I am the eldest son. I have two other brothers who have no interest in the farm but do live locally and help out from time to time. I work off-farm professionally. My father had a disability later in life and was only able to do limited work on the farm. At the time of his death I was living in Dublin for about 10 years (not by choice I might add) but travelled home practically every weekend to help out on the farm. I was the one that organized everything, from silage making, buying/selling cattle applying for subsidies, the whole lot.
During all this time, I never took one cent, either when my father was alive or now with my mother. My mother’s name is on everything including signed cheques. I had no problem with this as I do OK myself and the farm is small, so as you well know income is small.
The problem is I no longer want to continue like this and want some decision made on the future of the farm. My Mother just wont discuss it. I have tried numerous times and it just ends in a flaming row with other members of the family. She says that my Father’s wishes were to divide the farm between all of us, which of course means having to sell it, something she doesn’t want to do. The last time there was a row, she threatened to leave everything to me brother, don’t laugh.
The obvious solution is to rent the place out but no one will discuss this.
The drudgery of the work is really getting to me now. The last 3 years....well you know yerself. The farm now needs investment. There is no way we are compliant with the Nitrates Directive. We have an open slurry pit, uncovered yard, the whole lot.
What happens if we get an inspection? Who is legally responsible, my 75 yr old mother or me? There is nothing in writing to in any way link me with the farm. The only upside.
Has anyone out there been in a similar situation and if so how did they handle it?

I’m about to walk away from it all at this stage. It’s really, really getting me down!

massey woman

Walk
Dont spend the rest of your life living in hope
Get on with your life and your well paid job
You have no regrets you did the best you could which may not be recognised now
She is in a sticky position two siblings local shes 75 the clock is ticking mortality is a reality . Should anything negative happen her health wise she will want to live locally and your screwed
Keep a record of your costs/expenses and form an orderly queue in the Solrs after the auction
Careful though she could outlive you!

whelan1

would you have a chat with a solicitor and maybe they could send her a letter outlining your worries and that you would like to know where exactly you stand as you seem to be in limbo for long enough now

irish_bob

onyerbikepaddy wrote: »

This is embarrassing but here goes anyway.
My father passed away about 10 years ago. When he was dying, on the advice of his solicitor he made a will and left everything to my mother. She then had no tax liability.

I am the eldest son. I have two other brothers who have no interest in the farm but do live locally and help out from time to time. I work off-farm professionally. My father had a disability later in life and was only able to do limited work on the farm. At the time of his death I was living in Dublin for about 10 years (not by choice I might add) but travelled home practically every weekend to help out on the farm. I was the one that organized everything, from silage making, buying/selling cattle applying for subsidies, the whole lot.
During all this time, I never took one cent, either when my father was alive or now with my mother. My mother’s name is on everything including signed cheques. I had no problem with this as I do OK myself and the farm is small, so as you well know income is small.
The problem is I no longer want to continue like this and want some decision made on the future of the farm. My Mother just wont discuss it. I have tried numerous times and it just ends in a flaming row with other members of the family. She says that my Father’s wishes were to divide the farm between all of us, which of course means having to sell it, something she doesn’t want to do. The last time there was a row, she threatened to leave everything to me brother, don’t laugh.
The obvious solution is to rent the place out but no one will discuss this.
The drudgery of the work is really getting to me now. The last 3 years....well you know yerself. The farm now needs investment. There is no way we are compliant with the Nitrates Directive. We have an open slurry pit, uncovered yard, the whole lot.
What happens if we get an inspection? Who is legally responsible, my 75 yr old mother or me? There is nothing in writing to in any way link me with the farm. The only upside.
Has anyone out there been in a similar situation and if so how did they handle it?

I’m about to walk away from it all at this stage. It’s really, really getting me down!

the older generations were ( without often realising it ) extremley impractical , stubborn and frankly selfish when it came to the whole issue of land and who would end up owning the family place , where as in the past , sons and daughters would indulge thier parents untill the parents were elderly and the sons or daughters were middle aged , the present generation knows that they cannot waste the best years of thier lives wondering what thier sentimental ( when it comes to land ) parents will do with the family farm , as for dividing up the farm , its a sure fire way to start about years of division , jealousy and conflict , one person should get it and whoever does should recieve the blessing of the others

thats my 2 cents

Hill Man

You need to make a conscious decision, ask yourself do I want the farm at any cost or do I want to grow old with my two brothers as friends. Forget about the monetary value. Your Mother can do what she wants with the Farm, be good to her now, as you probably are. Its not worth fighting about. Probably best if your mother leaves it to one of you, the others will always have a home to visit. If the farm is sold you spend the money and end up with neither your home or your money, and possibly a strained relationship with your brothers. Any dispute about your inheritance will linger on for generations, you and your brothers will pass it on to your children, is it this valuable? I would suggest that you treat coming home to help on the family farm as a privilege, if your mother wills it to you then it is a bonus, if not you can still help one of your brothers. That is what I do. If you have sisters they might also take sides in any row.

baubl

Hill Man wrote: »

You need to make a conscious decision, ask yourself do I want the farm at any cost or do I want to grow old with my two brothers as friends. Forget about the monetary value. Your Mother can do what she wants with the Farm, be good to her now, as you probably are. Its not worth fighting about. Probably best if your mother leaves it to one of you, the others will always have a home to visit. If the farm is sold you spend the money and end up with neither your home or your money, and possibly a strained relationship with your brothers. Any dispute about your inheritance will linger on for generations, you and your brothers will pass it on to your children, is it this valuable? I would suggest that you treat coming home to help on the family farm as a privilege, if your mother wills it to you then it is a bonus, if not you can still help one of your brothers. That is what I do. If you have sisters they might also take sides in any row.

You have made a life for yourself outside of this farm, that is the only thing you can be shure of, and enjoy what you have, not what you may never get
Let the others do the graft now, and have a good time as life is too short, you are there hoping to get something you have put lots into, how many years now are you doing this and getting nothing back, think of yourself now, have a good life enjoy your time off find a hobby, today is the first day of your life, enjoy it

Ashed

I can relate to this situation. Firstly I echo all the previous posters replys. This situation is affecting you more than you might think, if you have a family of your own, it is affecting them too, even though that might not be apparent now - believe me I know.

Even though it will be painful, you must walk away. Take what is yours or what you think you are entitled to and walk. Let your mother farm the place or let her ask the other 2 to to it or ask the neighbours to do it. Of course this will not work so next option is to rent it out.

If you keep calm and dont loose the head you might actually get a chance to buy the farm after your mothers passing, you will already own a 1/3 share and land prices are certainly not rising for many years to come in this country.

You might be able to do a deal with the other 2 siblings and you will be a preferred bidder as most decent folk wont move in on a land sale where there is a family dispute.

But remember dont let it end in an argument.