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Would this annoy you?

  • 01-01-2010 3:33am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So...

    Happy new year right??

    Well for some maybe. I found out that my boyfriend who happens to be a compulsive liar lied to me yet again tonight.
    He text his ex (we are together 6 years) happy new year and lied about it. 2 years ago it caused a massive row.
    This year he did it again and in his own words 'didn't expect a reply'.
    I was looking through his phone as well i'm at this point used to lies :rolleyes: and noticed he had delted the sent message but the delivery report remained.

    I don't understand why he did this. And it's not the texting his ex i'm really bothered about. It's texting her and lieing to me (even when I asked him) that bothers me.
    And he didn't even expect a reply but decided to do it anyway.

    I'm tired of being lied too and tired of expecting to be lied too :(

    Why does he do this? And be blunt please!!


Comments

  • #2
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,574 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Paragraphs are nice. :)

    People fear rejection.

    Anger brings the risk of rejection.

    He is trying (and failing) at stopping making you angry, so he tries to conceal these things. Its a child-like (not childish) behaviour.

    At the same time he needs to know that you accept him and that (a) you won't reject him (b) won't be angry at him.

    The two of you need to talk. Initially with each other, but if there is no progress perhaps a relationship counsellor might be useful.


  • #3
    barleybooley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,241 ✭✭✭barleybooley


    Hi OP, my boyfriend recently did something similar and it bugs the sh*t out me, don't know why, it just does. As to what to do about it, I can't help you. What I can say is that I understand how you feel and there will be the usual barrage of abuse saying "why did you look through his phone" etc. but I know that'll be no use to you so I just wanted to say that you would not be alone in being annoyed about it. Hope this has helped and maybe just say to yourself that that was last year and 2010 will be better :)


  • #4
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Tired.. wrote: »
    I found out that my boyfriend who happens to be a compulsive liar lied to me yet again tonight.

    To be honest OP, I'd be more concerned with the fact that you consider your partner of 6 years to be a compulsive liar.

    Does he lie about more than just contacting his ex?

    Personally I couldn't stay with someone I didn't trust.


  • #5
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    It's easy to criticise him for being a "compulsive liar" but what would stand out for me is which came first - the chicken or the egg.

    There's nothing wrong with texting someone happy new year - I texted a few exes that last night - and if I was him and you'd been unreasonable about it in the past I just wouldn't bother letting you find out.

    Stop over-reacting and start enjoying what's there; otherwise it will be gone soon due to a lack of trust; I'm actually surprised that you've been together 6 years if [you think] he is a compulsive liar.


  • #6
    dudara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    OP, it seems that there are serious issues with your relationship. I can't blame the man for deleting the message if you are likely to freak out as you did.

    Going through someone's phone on a regular basis in attempts to catch them out is not healthy.

    Why do you consider him to be a 'compulsive liar'?


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  • #7
    Dublin141
    Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭Dublin141


    My OH has a serious problem with lying that he seems to have (mostly) overcome so I am saying this with the benefit of hindsight.

    If it was a big deal in the past for him to text his ex (or lie about it) then he was avoiding a row. But the real problem is that you expect him to be hiding something or lying to you and he feels like he has to lie to avoid a row. Both together does not work.

    Do you have a problem with him texting his ex if he doesn't keep it a secret? If you do then maybe you should consider choosing your battles. If you don't make a big deal out of it then maybe he'll get used to not having to hide things from you. There are all different types of liars and he's not really gaining anything from this apart from avoiding a row. He's with you six years so there isn't that much chance that he's interested in his ex so what is the harm in him texting them and why would he tell you the details of every text he sends anyway? He might be texting to see if she'll text back to boost his ego because of the attention or to give him a chance to boast he's still with you :D


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