She's Afraid of the Consequenses.

LegacyUser

Iv been with my girlfriend for around 4 months. In our time together we've managed to have sex just once and it only last 10-15 minutes because we were interrupted.

After this first and so far only sexual experience between the two of us, she began to panic, thinking she was pregnant, despite me wearing a condom and telling her over and over "I didnt even cum, theres nothing to worry about,"

Anyways, since then.. we have managed to get some alone time, but we only get as far as foreplay i.e. Ill have my hands down her pants and vice versa. When it comes to me reaching for a condom or taking off her underwear, she'll stop kissing/moaning/dry humping.. look me in the eyes and shake her head from side to side, meaning "no,".

Iv talked to her about taking her to the doctor, having her get whatever contraceptive she wants, be it a pill or whatever else she would like, Iv also mentioned getting spermicide condoms.. ffs Iv ever promised I wont cum just to keep her mind at ease. All of which are met with positivity and happiness, but when it comes to it.. zero.. zilch.. nada.

Im becoming EXTREMELY irritable towards the situation, Im 19, Im hugely attracted to this girl and the sexual frustration is growing. I need an outlet and masturbation just will NOT suffice.

Ill just leave this at, I know she wants me, and she DOES want to sleep with me, shes said it over and over.. the only thing stopping her is her fear of pregnancy, so please dont say anything along the lines of "maybe shes not attracted to you," etc etc

Oh, she doesnt know that Im just frustrated, I am good at hiding it. What I really want to know is.. how? how do I get her to make me the happiest guy under the sun?!

Please help, cheers

ellie1

how do I get her to make me the happiest guy under the sun?!

eh stop pressurising her and grow up

LegacyUser

Hi OP

Just a thought but is it possible that while she does in fact really like you but maybe just isn't ready to have sex with you?

If this is the extent of both of your sexual experiences then maybe the constant attempts to 'reach for a condom' are scaring/putting her off a bit. You've said that you're both quite inexperienced, it could just be that she's nervous!

My advice, if you truly like her and aren't just 'eyes on the prize' here, is to take it slow. Enjoy the foreplay and take the pressure off her (and you!) for a while. When she's ready I'm sure things will happen naturally.

Eve_Dublin

And I thought romance was dead! How sweet of you to describe your girlfriend as an "outlet". OP you're an adult now and you've got a girlfriend...it's time to have a maturer view of sex than you do. Perhaps she senses that you view sex with her as just an outlet or a step up from masturbation and is pulling away. People are pretty intuitive that way and know when they're being used.

mylittlepony

Stop the pressure.
its seems you are being pushy for sex all that 'safe sex' talk might have put her off. Its like reverse pyschology.
Like the poster above me said I agreed. I believe she feels that you are using her for sex. so cant blame her for being careful.
If she really like you, Let her seduce you for a change when she is ready.
How old is she? if she same age as you she may be very nervous and inexperience.
If she not on pill maybe it doesnt suit her and she just want to be very careful.
Have Patience.

Overheal

Im becoming EXTREMELY irritable towards the situation, Im 19, Im hugely attracted to this girl and the sexual frustration is growing. I need an outlet and masturbation just will NOT suffice.

Well then I look forward to your head exploding. Because not every lad has a lass to plough or the inclination to break the law and throw down money for some cheap street thrills. Many a human gets by for weeks, months, even years without sex :eek:

Anyway, this line of yours really stands out. And yeah Hi: youre totally frustrated, to the point I think you are over-pressuring your OH into sex. Thats not helping. Stop. Just stop. Eventually she's going to get sick of your pestering and just forget the whole thing.

beauty101

4 months isn't along time to be together and if ur gf is 19, she's most likely a virgin + probably scared for loads of different reasons. tbh it sounds to me like neither u or her are ready for a sexual relationship.

give her some space and forget about the sex for a while + just spend time with each other.

Denerick

I also had to smile when I saw his girlfriend described as a sexual outlet. How marvellously efficient and German of you!

"Romantic Irelands dead and gone, its with O'Leary in the grave"

tenchi-fan

two words: Anal sex.
lol

Nevyn

tenchi-fan Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Danniboo

For god sake give the poor girl a break before you end up single. You're attitude indicates you're clearly not ready for sex as you're very immature about the whole thing. 4 months whoop di do. You need to back the f**k off and stop putting pressure on her. "make me the happiest guy under the sun", do you not love her and love spending time with her regardless if sex is involved.

batmanbaby

Stop pressuring this girl. Fear of pregnancy might not be the only reason she is not having sex with you she is just not ready yet. Ther are plenty of precausions available and you seem to have a good handle on most of them so well done there but thats not the issue here. (And Not going to cum? seriously? you 19 and gagging for your outlet!!)

You say you are getting as far as foreplay, hands in each others pants is not foreplay. There are many other thing you can experiment with other than penatritave sex which can be very satsifying.

Explain to you gf that you know she not ready and you won't push her to go the whole way (and make sure you don't) but ask her maybe to try other things.

Dragan

agropants wrote: »

Iv been with my girlfriend for around 4 months. In our time together we've managed to have sex just once and it only last 10-15 minutes because we were interrupted.

After this first and so far only sexual experience between the two of us, she began to panic, thinking she was pregnant, despite me wearing a condom and telling her over and over "I didnt even cum, theres nothing to worry about,"

Anyways, since then.. we have managed to get some alone time, but we only get as far as foreplay i.e. Ill have my hands down her pants and vice versa. When it comes to me reaching for a condom or taking off her underwear, she'll stop kissing/moaning/dry humping.. look me in the eyes and shake her head from side to side, meaning "no,".

Iv talked to her about taking her to the doctor, having her get whatever contraceptive she wants, be it a pill or whatever else she would like, Iv also mentioned getting spermicide condoms.. ffs Iv ever promised I wont cum just to keep her mind at ease. All of which are met with positivity and happiness, but when it comes to it.. zero.. zilch.. nada.

Im becoming EXTREMELY irritable towards the situation, Im 19, Im hugely attracted to this girl and the sexual frustration is growing. I need an outlet and masturbation just will NOT suffice.

Ill just leave this at, I know she wants me, and she DOES want to sleep with me, shes said it over and over.. the only thing stopping her is her fear of pregnancy, so please dont say anything along the lines of "maybe shes not attracted to you," etc etc

Oh, she doesnt know that Im just frustrated, I am good at hiding it. What I really want to know is.. how? how do I get her to make me the happiest guy under the sun?!

Please help, cheers

All the precautions in the world still leave a chance for pregnancy, it's just how it is. Nothing is fool proof.

Think about it for two seconds....what is she afraid of? Possibly creating life, which she will then be responsible for, enduring enormous physical change and discomfort, and having her entire life changed in a way she might not be ready for.

Hardly a small fear mate, so don't put it down simply because you have a hard on.

Give the girl some space, if you have a personal goal for how long you will wait in a relationship before sex then leave her and get laid elsewhere.

If you do genuinely like the lass, things are well in other area's and this is the only issue....then welcome to the world of ADULT relationships mate...some things need to be worked through.

Has she had an abortion before?

Nevyn

Deleted User wrote: »

Has she had an abortion before?

Thats a hell of a jump to make.

OP you say you are 19 how old is your gf?

kittenkiller

I'm not going to repeat the advise to stop pressuring your gf and develop a more mature attitude to sex that is above, but all of it stands.
You have sex *with* someone not *to* them, so unless she's into it, there really is no point in trying!

Have a look around the medical sites for information on the statistics relating to each form of contraception and their combined success rates.
Condoms coupled with proper hormonal contraception and used with the withdrawal method at her least fertile week of her period, might be safe enough to put her mind at ease.
Maybe not, and if it does work you have to be 100% sure that you don't abuse her trust and if you say you won't come/come inside her, you must make sure that you don't plow ahead regardless!

TBH I think you're post reeks of immaturity and the part where you suggest that masturbation isn't good enough to me hints that you'd be willing to cheat on your gf or break up with her rather than work through things.
If that is the case, end it sooner rather than later and don't end up hurting her.

Give things a chance, they say that girls who spend ages not putting out end up very skilled in other areas.
You might be missing out on more than you think!

Overheal

Thaedydal wrote: »

Thats a hell of a jump to make.

OP you say you are 19 how old is your gf?

Indeed. But she could also be Pro Life or any of a hundred other varying reasons that she is fearful of a pregnancy. I dont pretend to know or understand what all of those reasons might be.

cheekyass

The more pressure you put on her the more she is going to feel uncomfortable and not want to have sex with you. If you continue with this (in my opinion) she will end up breaking up with you and then you won't be having sex with her either way. So relax....its not all about your needs.

Sophsxxx

I feel so sorry for your girlfriend. Have you ever stopped thinking about yourself for 2 minutes to think that maybe you're girlfriend is not ready??
There's a lot of 19 year old girls that aren't comfortable about sex and want to wait until there with someone that they really have feelings for.
Unfortunately, it's because of guys like you that constantly pressurise girls to have sex that sex seems even more nerve wracking.
You have no choice really but to wait until she feels completely comfortable with the idea. You can't make compromises with her like you'll pull out....tell her that you love her and will wait until she genuinely wants to!

LegacyUser

As with any advice, its a lot easier looking in from the outside than being in the actual situation. OP have you actually had a discussion with your gf about her previous sexual relationships (if any)? Has she had any 'scares' etc? Because it could be the beginning of a deeply rooted problem for her and like any sexual issue like this, therapy would be of great benefit.
Ive been in a similar situation (vaginismus) and behaved like the patient gentleman, not to actually obtain my goal of wanting to have penetrative sex with her, but because of how much i geniunely loved her, but the problem turned from months into years and i wish i was a bit more vocal about my concerns and attempted to get her into therapy looking back on it now.

But in the meantime, christ enjoy the foreplay, it doesnt get much better if the two of you are on the same page.

LegacyUser

OP here, some of you need to slow down.

I have taken everything said so far on board, but really alot of you are making the pressure Iv put on her to be alot more than it is in reality, its been a long time since Iv mentioned anything to do with sex to her.

Im quite happy with her, this IS my longest relationship to date and Im looking to keep her for a bit longer ..ok joking aside, seriously Im head over heels for the girl

Shes never had an abortion, besides being with me shes got absolutely zero sexual experience with anyone. I am only the second guy shes even kissed after all.

For all those asking her age, shes going 18 within a months time.

I have taken the time to read my OP and I realise how.. well you all know how I came across, and thats not how I am in real life at all. I am frustrated obviously, but Im keeping it to myself, I used this thread as a vent I guess.

Em, anything else to address? I dont really have time to read back over your posts.

Oh the 'spending time with her' issue, I do spend alot of quality time with her and love love LOVE every moment of it