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How to care less?

  • 30-12-2009 9:01pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My OH and I have been going out for about 2 years now. We both work a lot on opposite sides of the city, so we only ever really get to spend weekends together. I have quite a high sex drive, while his has waned a bit in the last year or so. We still have sex more or less every day that we're together, but that's still only 2 or 3 times a week. To make up for us not seeing each other much, I'd like to be doing it 2-3 times a day! However, he doesn't want to do it if our housemates are home (he's paranoid about being overheard), if he's tired, etc. We're still very intimate though.

    But I'm not here to complain about his low sex drive, exactly. It's more about me. While I consider myself to have a high sex drive, I'm only interested in penetrative sex really. I rarely masturbate because I can't be bothered, and foreplay is only mildly entertaining. I find I get more emotional satisfaction out of sex, rather than physical. When I'm fantasising about sex with my OH, it's the emotional connection I want, not the physical feelings. So I don't physically crave sex all that often. To me, this means that I should be easily able to control my desires. I know I drive him mad wanting sex all the time, and I know I often pick a time when I know he won't be up for it. What I'm looking for is advice about how I can stop trying to initiate sex all the time? I do love sex, but I love my OH more, and right now we keep fighting about this! It's just like a bad habit at this stage, but there's no patch for it. I don't even know if this post makes sense tbh, but basically I'm looking for advice on how to break this behaviour pattern.

    We're both in our late 20's by the way.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thought a male perspective might be some use, I hope it's not inappropriate -

    I found a period while I worked a lot my sex drive wained a little and my gf and I fought a couple of times about it; this actually led me to lose confidence in bed for about a month because I became so conscious about pleasing my gf when we did have sex, there was too much pressure about it all my head couldn't get into just letting go and enjoying it.

    It's possible your drive has actually scared him a little, the fact that the he won't have sex when other people are in the house sounds like he might have some confidence issues - I wanted to have sex but my worry about not satisfying her actually made me not do it at all and I have no issues with sex when others could hear, I know my gf's sister has heard us, both parents have and I know the neighbours have too...(we both laugh about it though). So adding together his lack of confidence with your full on confidence might have scared him. He might be up for it more if you weren't making attempts so often - you did say you ask sometimes when you know he won't be up for it.

    There's nothing wrong with you or your drive though - it happens, there are times where I'm craving it and my gf isn't and vice versa. Have you tried getting a little kinky with it? Talking dirty, dressing up, acting out things - maybe it's quality you need not quantity to stem your urges - my gf actually got me into things like this and the sex is amazing, we only get to do it about 3 times a week too because of work but it's that good there are no complaints anymore; obviously if he has confidence issues it might take a little time with something like this but you might be suprised that it takes off pretty fast and that he gets into it.

    I'm in late twenties, she's in the mid's.


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