compromise?

sexless

Hi all new to this site but I wud like som advice. Im married 15 yrs wit partner 18.(It doesnt get easier by the way)if anything it gets tougher.we hav had alot thrown at us throughout those years and we survived but I think to the detriment of other things. we discovered we cudnt hav kids then we went for adoption which opened more problems so that was knocked on the head. ivf wasnt on the cards for my husband so that leaves me feeling barron he doesnt want to go there!!!Now sex is non existent no matter what i try he just doesnt hav the interest.i dressed up for him Xmas eve n lets just say the dog was more interested! : ( I feel really unloved there is no romance,we are living like brother and sister.i am very close to having an affair. i have tried talkin to him on numerous occasions- it either ends up in an arguement or he just claims he doesnt know whats wrong. im not sure i can go another year like this,I love him but wit his antics he is pushing me away-is that his intentions? any advice anyone?

kenbrady

sexless wrote: »

Hi all new to this site but I wud like som advice. Im married 15 yrs wit partner 18.(It doesnt get easier by the way)if anything it gets tougher.we hav had alot thrown at us throughout those years and we survived but I think to the detriment of other things. we discovered we cudnt hav kids then we went for adoption which opened more problems so that was knocked on the head. ivf wasnt on the cards for my husband so that leaves me feeling barron he doesnt want to go there!!!Now sex is non existent no matter what i try he just doesnt hav the interest.i dressed up for him Xmas eve n lets just say the dog was more interested! : ( I feel really unloved there is no romance,we are living like brother and sister.i am very close to having an affair. i have tried talkin to him on numerous occasions- it either ends up in an arguement or he just claims he doesnt know whats wrong. im not sure i can go another year like this,I love him but wit his antics he is pushing me away-is that his intentions? any advice anyone?

Don't have an affair, you will just feel worse in the long run. The only reason you are thinking about an affair, is because your relationship is broken.

New Year, tell him you want a new start, talk things through, what you want, what he wants etc.

If he's unwilling to seriously discuss the issues, I think you should separate. The time a part will give you both time to think about the other person and the relationship. It could be the end of the relationship. At least give your best effort to fix it and be able to walk away still respecting each other, without the hurt of an affair.

LegacyUser

Well I'm sure its not his intention to drive you away but it does seem like you too have serious problems.

Ivf is not possible for you two? Is that because of his sperm?

My husband and I are also struggling with infertility but don't have conclusive results as yet, so I know how stressful that is.

So two issues:

Your sex life - is it possible that he feels less of a man or less of a sexual person because of the fertility problems? Or do you think the spark has just gone? What does he say about your sex life, or does he just avoid the subject?

Fertility - how does he feel about sperm donation? Could you strike a deal where the donation is a secret between you, him and your doctor and no-one will ever know? Or is he refusing?

I'm sure you've been over all these issue a hundred times. It sounds like you and him badly need counselling, maybe with someone who specialises in infertility. I know that for me and my partner, there is a point where we may have to accept childless living, but we're not there yet and I know acceptance would be so hard.

You know your medical history. Do you feel that you and him could 'do more'?

Nobody should have to stay in a sexless marriage, that is reason to leave, but maybe he's just feeling bruised and battered by everything thats happened. There is only one answer here right now, and thats counselling.

Miss Fluff

You should think about going for marriage councelling

sexless

my friend went thru a divorce last year and they had two kids but she knew her marriage was over. i dont want mine to be over but how do you get thru to someone who had a heart attack in Jan of this year there is more to life.I hav tried talking to him even when my father died last year he disappeared on the day that my father was buried-he ended up in the pub and I having to get him home. i told him the next day that i was leaving and he promised me he wud change. he did but not in the bedroom. He really does hav issues n i think until he deals with them we cant go forward.i am seriously thinking counselling- its the only way i can see forward. he smoked too but since heart attack has given them up. which wud improve our chances of getting pregnant big time,maybe thats what he is afraid off? I dont know he just wont talk to me. its just his way or no way and i feel that is very selfish of him.