People think I'm a loser

LegacyUser

I'm a bit perplexed at the moment. Various comments from various people have led me to realise that people consider me to be a bit of a loser, i.e, no life, not cool, not trendy etc, someone to be pitied.

Now, I was never one of the 'cool kids' at school, but I thought all that stopped mattering when you get past your teens. I didn't have the wildest time in college, but had plenty of friends, I went on Erasmus which was a mad party year, and since then have worked in various jobs and travelled a lot and enjoyed myself.

But when I talk to people, I get a condescending vibe off them, like when I mentioned my new boyfriend, one friend said something along the lines of she was so happy I'd finally found a man. What's that supposed to mean? I don't flaunt my love life, but I've had LOTS of male attention since my early teens, I'd be picky about who I went out with but I've been with 4 or 5 guys in the last few years including a longish relationship.

I had another snide comment about how I 'don't really go out much or drink' when I was in the pub, which I totally didn't understand, as I drink about the same as anyone else does and I go out almost every weekend.

Just loads of these types of remarks about my appearance, love life, habits, which has now made me feel really crappy. I mean, I'm just 'myself', I don't try to be 'cool' or anything, but I did think I was fairly cool, as I'm independent, capable, well travelled, open minded........but apparently not.

dudara

Some paragraphs added for clarity.

OP, I'm not sure where the horrible comments are. So far, nothing you've described has been nasty. Would you consider yourself to be sensitive?

LegacyUser

Nope, not sensitive at all, definitely not. Digs have to be pretty obvious before I'd even notice them. I never said they were nasty but they were definitely condescending comments (you had to be there I guess to see the tone they were delivered in, but believe me they were supposed to be digs). It wasn't one big mean comment, but lots of little ones like this..... another one was, a friend of mine and I were standing at the bar and a group of lads were staring at us, and my friend said 'I don't know why they're staring, it's not like we're that great looking or anything'. I was actually really offended by that comment, it's one thing to put yourself down but quite another to include someone else! I actually do consider myself good looking and have been told so all my life. I'm not cocky or vain or anything, but I've always been happy with my appearance, and now it turns out my friends think I'm ugly as well as sad and boring.

Warfi

Unregistered wrote: »

Nope, not sensitive at all, definitely not. Digs have to be pretty obvious before I'd even notice them. I never said they were nasty but they were definitely condescending comments (you had to be there I guess to see the tone they were delivered in, but believe me they were supposed to be digs). It wasn't one big mean comment, but lots of little ones like this..... another one was, a friend of mine and I were standing at the bar and a group of lads were staring at us, and my friend said 'I don't know why they're staring, it's not like we're that great looking or anything'. I was actually really offended by that comment, it's one thing to put yourself down but quite another to include someone else! I actually do consider myself good looking and have been told so all my life. I'm not cocky or vain or anything, but I've always been happy with my appearance, and now it turns out my friends think I'm ugly as well as sad and boring.

If your friend's comment offended you that much, you should have just said 'Speak for yourself'. This would put an end to what you call the condescending digs. It might put an end to your friendships as well though.....your friends comments sound far from condescending to me

Warfi

Warfi wrote: »

If your friend's comment offended you that much, you should have just said 'Speak for yourself'. This would put an end to what you call the condescending digs. It might put an end to your friendships as well though.....your friends comments sound far from condescending to me

I think that comment was more than condescending, it's downright rude and nasty. Basically calling her ugly. Just because she included herself in doesn't make it any less of an insult. If one of my friends said that, I probably would say 'speak for yourself'. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

chocgirl

Sounds like a little bit of jealousy and not a lot more to me! Try not to take it too personally, likelihood is that your friends/acquaintances may be a little bit miffed that you get lots of male attention and are able to pick and choose! I'd try not to read into it too much if I was you!

Denerick

Most of this seems to be in your head. And even if it isn't, so what? There's more to life than boozing and boyfriends.

Pete4779

I'll go for a wild stab in the dark here and hypothesis you are Irish and grew up in Ireland? Usually if you have interacted with a few people abroad, as you said you have travelled, etc., you will find an unintentional chip-on-the-shoulder coming out from many Irish. it's a negative attitude, and the best solution I can suggest is find some new friends who are actually positive.

There is no point in socialising with people who are negative towards you, intentionally or not. The ultimate aim is for you to be sort of unhappy and thus find solace in group drinking and whatever passes for normalised socialising in your group of friends. Avoid it and move on, it's obviously not you. Don't get dragged down a path of low self-esteem and low confidence.