Is This Something I Should Be Worried About?

LegacyUser

Hi all, I'll try and keep this brief!

18.
Girl.
Extremely well brought up.
Bullied very badly in school (I always believed it was because I was ugly and overweight)
When I left I lost about 2 stones and changed my hair colour and looked like a completely diff person now people who treated me badly want to be my friend ! (Quite a turn around ey?)
Anyways throughout the time I was bullied I went to a psychologist who after a while said he couldn't help and recommened someone else. (Ended up going to 6 different psychologists before even turning 18)

My problem now is, I'm 18 and I've had 9 different sexual partners which I don't think is normal is it? A guy who I had been seeing recently asked me how many I had slept with and when I told him 9 he ended it Said I was a tramp.

Only 2 of these 9 were from relationships, while 4 were hook ups from social networking sites and the others random nights out. I feel like a slut tbh. And I didn't even enjoy the majority of them I just felt it was a way to boost my confidence (something which I don't really have). I'm just terrified as to what path I am going down I'm a genuinely lovely girl who really cares for others and I'd do anything to find mr right and just be happy but the way I've been treated by guys in the past has been SO bad that now I'm kind of of the attitude "well screw them it's my turn now for a change". Doubt that's good.

YellowSheep

Hi Worried 18

Don't beat your self up to much. Number one I would be more concerned having 6 doctors before the age of 18 (which is not normal) than 9 sexual encounters (which is normal). The only pity here is that you should have enjoyed as I believe that sex is a wonderful thing. Now to your confidence....can you be a bit more specific? I am a very confident man, however in some areas my confidence is almost zero for varied reasons i.e angst, uncertainty, pressure. If thats happens I usually take a piece of paper and take "stock" of the situation. Do you have areas in which you are confident?

Please do not hesitate to write or ask. My pleasure.

Cheers Oliver

LegacyUser

Hi op,

This is going to sound new-agey but you need to become your own best friend and find a way to truly love yourself.

I was bullied in school also and know all too well how it can absolutely eat away at your self confidence. In time though I rebuilt this somewhat. Growing up, going to college, experiencing new things, not being around those people - all of this really helped me.

I'm not going to lie, 9 partners by age 18 is quite high. You're looking for reassurance, affection and a confidence boost in all the wrong ways/places. Dont sleep with anyone unless you're fully sure thats what YOU want to do. Its counter-productive because if anything it seems to make you feel worse about yourself afterwards.

Also no relationship with "mr. right" is going to fix everything or make you happy. Only YOU can make YOU happy! The most valuable relationship you can ever invest in is the relationship you have with yourself. Spend time learning more about yourself, what do YOU like? not like? Find new hobbies YOU like! Spend time with yourself doing things YOU like! Like I said become your own best friend, would you let your best friend be treated badly, or let her sleep with men when she wasn't sure she really wanted to? Find the value in yourself you know is there.

Are you still seeing psychologists? how is that going? Finding the right psychologist isnt always easy. It isnt a one size fits all. If you're not happy with the one you have, find another and keep going til you find one you feel is really beneficial to you.

If you've stopped seeing a psychologist, I really think you should go see one again. I know from experience just how beneficial talking to someone can be.

I really think you should leave boys/men for the time being and focus on you!

dudara

OP, I just want to know why you've slept with 7 men that you didn't really know. How does it make you feel with it happens?

At 18, you still have a lot to learn and more steps to take on the path to maturity. All teenage girls go through that 'flush' where they realise that they have power over men. It happens to some girls early, and to some girls later. But the thing to realise is that it's just a phase on the path to adulthood. The novelty wears off. And sometimes you're left with a feeling of embarassment for the mistakes/bad choices that you made on that voyage of discovery.

However, you should learn from these misjudgements and take to time to figure out what you're really looking for. It doesn't happen immediately but you'll start to discover how 'you' works.