Getting depressed living at home

LegacyUser

I'm 26 year old guy, a student and have a big enough student loan which means i have to live at home while i pay it back. im looking at another year and a half of living at home too because i have that much time left in college and it will take me that much time to pay off the loan.

I know i have to do this so that I can move on. I want to do a postgraduate course that i have always dreamed of and i am focused on that. but living at home really gets me down at times. My mother is constantly watching what i am doing, constantly analysing me (as mothers do) but it's extremely annoying at this age. I also hate how she buys so much bad food and just sits in front of the TV eating it. She already has health problems. Even little things annoy me now and I find myself longing to get out of the house. It's even affecting my studying which I know it shouldn't.

I know I have to keep my eye on the ball and work away with the goal of getting out and I know a year and a half isn't a long time, but right now it feels like an eternity away. I know what i have to do though, don't really know why i wrote this actually. It's just so frustrating living here.

lil*lady

Spearman, I hear you. I'm only a year younger than you and I'm also stuck at home due to financial pressures and studying, also due to some difficulties at home the atmosphere can be a bit rubbish at times.

It did used to really get me down, I'd get frustrated, angry and a bit upset at times. Then I realised that it was really affecting me, it wasn't my fault, and that I was taking too much on board. Not that I just said *bam* and it stopped affecting me, it still does at times but I do/did stuff so that I would be kept busy, I study more in college, get up early, home late - not the ideal solution to the problem, but I'm out of the house, I'm not thinking about it as much and I'm getting more focused on my studies and getting to know college people better. Also my mother's idea of a "good dinner" is M&S's frozen dinner....I had a chat with her, asked her to buy a few wee items for me, I make a list every week of what I want and I do my own thing - my excuse being that I'm coming home late from college, etc etc etc.

I have to get through living at home as well, I'll be there til probably this time next year...but I don't have to be there 24/7...yes it's rubbish that I don't feel at home in my own home...but as one of my best mates said to me, you just have to suck it up, and try and focus on the good squishy in your life.

I don't know if that's any help at all, but least you're not alone in your boat.

*hug*

hinault

It is a difficult one to be sure.
However.

You can try to filter the anger/annoyance that you now feel - and put it in to your studies and to motivate it to ensure that you pass your exams with flying colours.

Also look at filling any spare time that you have with activities that are not based at home :

Join a gym.
Take up a pursuit/sport which requires a time investment (long distance running/cycling).
Join a club/society.
In other words, file the time with activity that does not require you to be at home.

Could you consider renting?
In the current economic situation rents are falling and will continue to fall
for the next 12-24 months at least.

It is very frustrating to find oneself at home, against your wishes.

cafecolour

Work on getting out of the house more - do school work in the library, exercise, go out with friends, etc.

Also, maybe you could use this as an opportunity to prod your mother into a bit more healthy living - cook a few meals with her, drag her out a walk, that sort of thing.

LegacyUser

You are coming across as very selfish and ungrateful. Do you think it's your god given right to live at home til you are almost 30 to suit yourself? Are you sure your mum wants you there especially with your bad attitude? She should have and probably expected to have the place back to herself well by now but here her 26 years old still under her feet and acting like a spoilt teenager. Cop on and don't be ungrateful.

It'd all about you isn't it?

LadyMayBelle

Spearman, i think there should be an entire forum dedicated to this topic, it seems to be so common these days! I hear you. I'm almost 27 living at home (have lived out numerous times but had to come home for college/financial reasons) and 6months off finishing my 2year masters. it has been very hard.
I love my family and feel very thankful they put up with me but it's fecking hard being an adult living under parent's rules and views of the world...


One of the best things they encouraged me to do, and maybe you have done this so ignore it if so, is buy a car and pass the test. I needed to anyway for work but it has given me so much freedom, even just to get out for a spin.


I don't think it is very fair for posters to call you selfish and ungrateful when you are probably already feeling just that, living at home and not able to get back on your own two feet. I know i battle daily with feeling useless when i see my friends living on their own, married even, when I'm still at home. But then i get reminded that none of them chose to go back to college and get a career. and because they are living out paying rent etc it's harder to 'just go back to college'. You and i made that decision on the premise it would give us better jobs and enable us to be in a better financial situation (i imagine you did anyway!!) and then, even tho its a bit later than some other people, we could be in a good position i a few years time.

i dunno, just my opinion on things, Youre def not alone

LegacyUser

But you should not be going back to college if you can't support yourself. There is nothing wrong with doing it part-time while working like the rest of us. Problem here is he is using and treating his long suffering mother. Taking her roof over his head til it suits him but giving out about her.

I left home at 17 and would nit assume it is ok to move into anyones house while I chose to study

I agree that it's probably just as frustrating for your parents. They didn't ask for this situation either, and they have agreed to let you stay there. Is there really nothing else you can do? Not do the postgrad course, do it part time and work? I understand your feelings as I would feel the same myself. My parents did say I could live with them and do my Masters in the university an hour from their house, but for a variety of reasons, I really didn't want to do it. I managed to get a scholarship which paid my rent and gives me a living allowance and a part time job in the evenings, meaning I can live in London instead of at home.

LegacyUser

I am just finishing up my degree at this stage. Cannot get a job either, although I'm trying like mad and doing odd jobs here and there to pay off the loan. I have nowhere near enough money to move out/pay rent/bills etc. Once I finish the degree course I'll be gone and I'll start the postgrad. I will get funding to do it and that won't be a problem. Until then (1.5 years), I'm pretty much stuck here unless I get lucky and get a decent job which is difficult enough. I know I just have to barrell through it though and try to stay sane. At the end of the day, there are people in much worse situations.

Spearman

Spearman wrote: »

I am just finishing up my degree at this stage. Cannot get a job either, although I'm trying like mad and doing odd jobs here and there to pay off the loan. I have nowhere near enough money to move out/pay rent/bills etc. Once I finish the degree course I'll be gone and I'll start the postgrad. I will get funding to do it and that won't be a problem. Until then (1.5 years), I'm pretty much stuck here unless I get lucky and get a decent job which is difficult enough. I know I just have to barrell through it though and try to stay sane. At the end of the day, there are people in much worse situations.

Where do you live? In a city or a small place?

LegacyUser

It's a small place, I'd have to get the bus or train into the city. Again that costs money which is not exactly flowing right now! Anyway, I just have to man up and get the head down. Situations like this build character. It's hard not to be frustrated at times though, I don't feel like a man or something... weird thoughts I know. Just have to take it like a man and work on my studies to get where I want to be. I wish I had an extra few grand though!

Bob_Harris

Okkkkkkkkkk wrote: »

You are coming across as very selfish and ungrateful. Do you think it's your god given right to live at home til you are almost 30 to suit yourself? Are you sure your mum wants you there especially with your bad attitude? She should have and probably expected to have the place back to herself well by now but here her 26 years old still under her feet and acting like a spoilt teenager. Cop on and don't be ungrateful.

It'd all about you isn't it?

Ah the mandatory PI tough love post.

Silverfish

Bob_Harris, if you have nothing to contribute to the thread, don't post.

Thanks.

Bob_Harris

Silverfish wrote: »

Bob_Harris, if you have nothing to contribute to the thread, don't post.

Thanks.

Every thread on here has a "tough love" reply. I fail to see how they contribute.

Silverfish

If you have an issue with a post, then use the report post function, do not drag threads off topic to comment on it.

Off topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Spearman

Spearman wrote: »

It's a small place, I'd have to get the bus or train into the city. Again that costs money which is not exactly flowing right now! Anyway, I just have to man up and get the head down. Situations like this build character. It's hard not to be frustrated at times though, I don't feel like a man or something... weird thoughts I know. Just have to take it like a man and work on my studies to get where I want to be. I wish I had an extra few grand though!

Well I was gonna say if you live near a city, there's always possibilities for stuff like English teaching or grinds. I supported myself through college with them and am still doing so during my Masters. But I don't know where exactly you are, so it might not be possible, but have you looked into that sort of thing? It's often cash in hand as well which really helps.