Did I inherit an anxiety problem?

LegacyUser

Hi, I am a 23yr old male and my mother has some pretty bad anxiety problems. She has also been put on anti depressants in the past but her depression has never been too serious as far as I know. Then again maybe it has, I am not sure. Anyway my mother has always had certain problems and she worries all the time. Every little thing you could imagine worrying about, she worries about. She is a pretty unhappy women and her life is full of troubles but she is also capable of being very happy and she is great around people. I just think when she is on her own she thinks way too much and her own mind can be her worst enemy.

I have grown used to this over the years growing up and while I have tried and tried to help her be more positive it just seems that nothing I say can ever get through and she is just unable to leave her worried state.

Lately I have started to notice similar traits in my own personality and I have started to lose sleep over certain issues in my life. I go through phases of worrying a lot about things like money, college, where my life is going, women etc. Most of the time I am fine but sometimes I can go like a week or two having very negative thoughts about things. I feel like I have developed this from my mother. I remember my mother once telling me she sometimes has dreams where myself or one of my brothers dies. She always worries for our safety so this is a common theme. I myself have been having dreams where my teeth are falling out our where someone is attacking me. I don't usually fear death so I think these dreams are just a window in to my worried state.

Anyway I am trying to study for exams now in January and finding it very tough as I am at home and around my mother. I am constantly being reminded of anxiety and so it is rubbing off on myself a lot more than when I am on my own in college where I am normally fine.

I feel like I need to speak with a professional about this but I dont know where to go. I have no money but I have a medical card so maybe there is someone I can talk to about this. I just need to learn a bit more about my anxiety and my mothers so that I can help both her and myself. My problems are not near as bad as hers but I am worried that if I do not address any anxiety disorder that I may have then it will get worse as I get older.

Would appreciate any advice,
Thank you

LegacyUser

Sorry about the spelling error in the title, mods if possible could you change 'inherit' to the correctly spelled inherent?
thanks

dudara

"Inherit" is correct given the context of the title. I've also added some paragraphs to help other posters in reading your post.

OP, you have a medical card, so seek an appointment with your GP, explaining your worries. They will hopefully refer you to someone else. Or, if you are a 3rd level student, your college/university should have medical/counselling services (usually free), so you can try to seek an appointment there.

LegacyUser

Thanks Dudara

RossFixxxed

The best thing you can do is visit the GP. And keep in mind to give it time. This isn't something (assuming it IS an anxiety problem) that fixes overnight. Just follow what they say and keep your mind open to things like breathing exercises, CBT etc etc.

There's LOTS of things that can cause this, so make sure you get bloods taken for liver, thyroid, electrolites etc etc first to rule out some of the physical causes.

Keep at it mate, as someone who suffers this there is a lot of help out there, but you really are the one who can help this the most. Get to the GP, improve your eating, exercise etc too. Moderately, you need to turn into some tofu weilding new age shaman!

I've also discovered that helping other people is a MASSIVE help. Even posting on here is a great thing, so I would ask if you could update this thread as you go and tell us how you are getting on. You will help others with your actions as well as yourself. And there are many here in the same boat that can help you avoid someo of the pit falls we've fallen into ourselves over the years.

Chin up, 2010 is coming and you're gonna get way better with this. Get to the doc and start a new page.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for your support. Some day I am totally fine and positive like today but it just sets in every know and again and I feel it is just bigger than me so I struggle to control it. I will be going to a GP early in the new year so will keep this thread posted over any actions that I will be taking.

How Strange

OP, this is just an observation but you may have learned this behaviour from your mother. My mother can be pretty miserable and down too and it really drags me down if I'm around her for too long. My older sibling is almost identical to my mother in outlook and as she gets older she behaves like her more and more. So much so that you can see history repeating itself.

Definitely speak to your doctor about it but also consider cognitive behaviour therapy because you say you can see similar shared traits between you. It may be beneficial for you to be able to recognise triggers that will initiate the kind of negative patterns that lead to anxiety.

If you can't afford one on one therapy then buy some books online and read up on this kind of thing.

I personally believe that awareness of being susceptible to anxiety is the first form of defence. Then you have to equip yourself with coping skills and the means of making your mind stronger to combat any negative tendancies as they arise.

Exercise is a great way to combat anxiety. You're out in the fresh air, engaging with your environment so it makes you more positive about the things around you.

The only thing I noticed in your post was your reference to helping your mother. Unfortunately, according to my experience, it's very difficult to help other people. You can only help yourself against anxiety; you can of course be sympathetic to your mother but unless she wants to help herself to change her own negative behaviours then there is little you can do for her.

The most important thing for you is to inform yourself as much as possible about what triggers the feelings of anxiety in you and then work at minimising them.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

OP

I have seen dreams of teeth falling out linked to a person growing up in a symbolic way. I am not being rude to you but maybe you need to have a more 'grown up' attitude to it
But then dreams are so widely interpretated I do not know if they mean anything really

But I know dealing with anxiety is not easy. Look for books or recordings by Dr Clare Weekes. see http://www.drclaireweekes.co.uk/

No affiliation

Best of luck

RossFixxxed

Claire Weekes is very good. It's written a while ago so the terminology isn't as 'PC' as it might be today. Terms like 'nervous breakdown' etc. But really anyone reading it should ignore that. She makes very good points about looking after yourself, and talking to people around you about what's going on to help you and them understand what's going on.

I would also recommend Self Help for Anxiety using CBT methods by Helen Kennerly, I'm working through it at the moment and it's not bad. Also the Anxiety and Phobia workbook is great to tackle into to probe and question how you are feeling. They're all quite cheap to by online. (And as the poster above said I'm NOT affiliated with any of this).

I'd say get a book by Claire Weekes and one of the more 'technical' ones and do them together. The CBT book is great as it allows you to try techniques etc etc and might actually open you to the idea of going to someone for further therapy.


Here's a simple technique for you:
Keep a note book, or as I do a spreadsheet open. Regularly assess your mood on it, write down in one column what you are feeling. In another write down what caused it if you can pin point it. Come back later on to the issue and assess it again with some distance.
I give it a rating between -10 and + 10. -10 is anxious, stressed etc to the extreme. Full blown attack. +10 is feeling on top of the world, happy and joyful. 0 would be an average, meh of a day!

Simple as that! It's very good as it allows you to write how you are feeling AS you feel it, then to come back to it with hindsight and see it. If you let the feeling pass you probably will diminish and underplay how bad it was at that moment.

Here's a small example:

30/12/2009 9:00 A.M -6 Made mistake on XXXX in work. Feeling Very anxious, very stressed. Think I'll get singled out and in big trouble. Maybe I will get fired.

30/12/2009 9:45 A.M. -3 Went to manager and said I had made mistake. He said he appreciated me telling him and it was no problem mistakes happen. Feel silly but still very anxious it is getting me down a bit still. Why don't the others make mistakes?

30/12/2009 10.30 A.M. +3 Fixed mistake, noticed YYYY had done something worse himself, these things happen I guess. Nobody even noticed it and it's not actually a big deal. Glad I took action.


That would be one row in excel, there might be other things running parallel at the same time. The great thing about a spreadsheet (for me, I'm a nerd and work in a bank) is that you can draw graphs of the figures. You begin to see trends in your thinking. It might be that you always get stressed around a couple of people, or that you care a huge amount what a particular group think of you. It could be all number of things. This kind of probing really helps.

Right, hope that is of some help OP. I'm working on it myself as I go too!

LegacyUser

All good advice here. I get terrible anxiety and depressed at times and Im convinced I got partly from my father either in his genes or observing him while growing up, though he would never admit to having been depressed.
Ive been tackling it head on in the last while and did 3 months of psychotherapy sessions and now moving on to men's group psychotherapy. Im 34 and wish I had dealt with it younger in this way though I know its hard, cause I put myself through awful strain whenI was younger. Im also on medication but I accept that and its only part of the solution.
CBT is good. Counselling is good. Talking to someone is good even if they are not a counsellor and its free. Exercising is good.
The trick is IMO, if you know what the upsetting thoughts and feelings are and you can get them out of your head and into a conversation or even down on paper you will disempower them. Then you can work towards reversing the process. Instead of having negative thoughts you develop and nurture postive thoughts positive outlook and positive feelings. And its all very exciting it really is.