Staying single

LegacyUser

The more I read about relationship issues and the more little things happen in my own relationship I'm becoming convinced life is easier if you just stay single - the heartbreak, fear and depression I've been reading about on this forum alone is making me really wonder why we put ourselves through it all...I was brought up to believe in creating a relationship and making it work but even just the stories of infidelity I know of through my own small circle makes me lose all respect for relationships - respect for relationships and marriage just doesn't seem to exist - did it ever?

Just curious if anyone else is, or is becoming, someone who thinks it's just better to stay single, that life is just easier?

That_Guy

OP I know plenty of people who think the way you do but tbh the people posting here or other internet forums are only a small number of people dealing with relationship problems in comparison to the people who are happy and are in a healthy relationship.

If you base your decision making on other people's problems then you need to start thinking for yourself. You just never will know until you try yourself.

Relationships, as I've found out are a learning process and eventually something good will come out of your past experiences.

cafecolour

Good god man, never spend a day in a trauma ward or a police station, you'd probably never leave the house

Yes, relationships are not magical, easy, monogamous. They take work. They are arguments. Sometimes people cheat, and sometimes it's the end of the world, sometimes it's not. If you enjoy the person you are in a relationship with, and you enjoy being in a relationship, then it's worth it. Just take the blinders off.

Being single because you enjoy the freedom of single life is grand. Being single because you are afraid of losing something you want is not.

I'd see a GP and see if you can get counseling for anxiety issues.

Wibbs

cafecolour wrote: »

Yes, relationships are not magical, easy, monogamous. They take work. They are arguments. Sometimes people cheat, and sometimes it's the end of the world, sometimes it's not. If you enjoy the person you are in a relationship with, and you enjoy being in a relationship, then it's worth it. Just take the blinders off.

Being single because you enjoy the freedom of single life is grand. Being single because you are afraid of losing something you want is not.

I'd see a GP and see if you can get counseling for anxiety issues.

Very good points all, save for the last bit. Where did the OP mention anxiety issues?

As for relationships? As That_Guy and cafecolour points out, its a lot down to viewpoint. If you're reading here and judging relationships by that, it's a skewed viewpoint. Kinda if you looked in say the long term illness forum, you would think everyone is sick, or if you looked in the fitness forum, you would think everyone has rippling muscles.

Relationships are complex and as such break down a lot. Most relationships "fail", except for the one that doesnt. Otherwise we would all be with the first man or woman we went out with. Add in that people differ and are very complex and it can be a tightrope to walk.

TBH I would be quite cynical about relationships in general. A helluva lot I see are not great, especially after the initial buzz wears off. I see too many people in bad ones or just very meh ones and I see too many people wondering "is this it?". But I do know good healthy nurturing couples. They do exist, however uncommon and that's what I would aim for. That's what I look to to see why and how they are good couples.

Eve_Dublin

As Cafecolor and Wibbs said, it depends on your viewpoint; I'm surrounded by peers and family members in fantastic relationships (you wouldn't believe it, it's sickening haha) that I don't see ending any time soon and even though I've had a shed load of failed relationships, I look at what they've got, I get pointers from observing how they work and just chatting to them and I take on board what went wrong in my own and I've become wiser and better equipped for my own future relationships.

The one thing I've learned over the past few years is learning when to realise just to drop something and the importance of a bit of compromise. I got in a terrible habit near the end of 2 of the 3 last serious relationships I was in of picking my exes up on every supposed wrong doing and because I stupidly demanded near perfection from them when I couldn't deliver the same myself. Nobody can. I became a nag, essentially and I'm not naggy person by a long shot. I look back and I can see a pattern in my behaviour and I can see clearly how that pattern was destructive...I dumped one and one dumped me and I went through are terrible bout of broken heart. Thought I'd never love again and felt a bit like yourself...

..and then recently I met a guy and I'm taking it slowly and keeping myself in check not to make the same mistakes I made in the past 'till it becomes a learned behaviour and then hopefully instinctive and normal for me and so far so good. I aspire to have a relationship like my close friends or my sister or my step-mam and dad because I know it's possible. You just have to be realistic, a little less "me, me, me" and be willing to compromise, I think.

Good luck OP.

cafecolour

Wibbs wrote: »

Very good points all, save for the last bit. Where did the OP mention anxiety issues?

May have read a bit much into the posting there.

LegacyUser

I can see why it looks like I'm just judging from this forum but it was actually opinions formed from seeing and hearing other people that brought me to read some of the stuff here. I completely get the point that you shouldn't stay single just out of fear, and I think that is becoming my opinion, my current relationship has filled me with fear - I have done nothing but make compromises (it's been "you, you, you") for the entire relationship and I feel like I've been walked over and disrespected for it; I'll have to make some decisions.

Nice to hear your opinions, thank you for the replies.