Help Teen 17 with no friends

highrank

My teen whos 17 has a slight learning disability, quite shy, has no friends at the moment and its hard to watch him sitting alone in the bedroom, places he'd love to go to funderland, the pictures etc. has no one to go with. He did have close friend who after a row with him went off and hasnt bothered getting back with him, hes with a different group now and I wonder could anyone render some helpful advice please ,we're in dublin

Johnny Giles

Join a group. Not aware of any but there must be a few around:

Check these links:
http://www.pwdi.ie/useful_links/index.htm

Here is the learning disability section:

Disability Organisations - Intellectual and Learning Disabilities
namhi � National Association for People with an Intellectual Disability�:
http://www.namhi.ie .ie
Down Syndrome Ireland:
http://www.downsyndrome.ie
Dyslexia Association:
http://www.clubi.ie/dyslexia/acld.html
L'Arche - provides a service of support for people with intellectual disabilities.:
http://www.larche.ie/
National Federation of Voluntary Bodies - voluntary association of organisations who provide services to persons with intellectual disability and their families:
http://www.fed-vol.com/
Peter Bradley Foundation - brain injury services:
http://www.peterbradleyfoundation.ie/
St John of Gods Services for people with intellectual disabilities:
http://www.sjog.ie/sjog/services/services_intell_main.html
St Michael's House - range of specialized day and residential services to people with learning disabilities throughout Dublin city and county:
http://www.smh.ie
Sunbeam House Services - provides training, employment and care services for adults with a learning disability:
http://www.sunbeam.ie
The European Association of Societies of Persons with Intellectual Disabilities and their Families:
http://www.inclusion-europe.org/

highrank

Thanks Johnny Giles for your time and effort to reply. Will look into those sites and groups in area

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

What are his interests? Apart from the cinema and funderland?

highrank

Well he likes football, but at his age the teams are only interested in him if hes a really good player, hes not bad not exceptional. Loves playstation and go to gym a lot these days, watches tv, I'm thinking of trying oa few voluntary bodies or karate a lot of people tell me if a good place for teens to make friends, I think

Enii

You should contact your local youth service to see if they are involved in the Big Brother Big Sister programme. It sounds like it would suit him.

highrank

Enrii - what does the brother/sister thing mean

Deliverance

I don't know if this is any help or not. But I have a little brother with a similar 'condition'. He has a slight learning disability and is very un-confident in himself due to his 'condition'.

When he was born he was like a ragdoll i.e. he was floppy and didn't really react to stimulus. For a long time his confidence level was terrible growing up. Luckily enough though he has a large contingent of siblings who are the opposite, they are all v.confident and larger than life i.e 8 of us.

These siblings (including myself) forced him into life and supported him and protected him all the way. We are all nice people and were great role models for this chap.

So far he has got a job working outdoors in construction. Physical work is good for him, he really likes it and he is great at it. His confidence is naturally none existent due to his 'condition' but he is kept well by the support of the family on a continuing basis.

I think your fella needs this kind of support to continually keep his confidence up. How you do this is up to you. I think a role model support program would work well as mentioned above. I'm not sure thoough if this type of support is available in Ireland?

amdublin

highrank wrote: »

Enrii - what does the brother/sister thing mean

http://www.bbbsireland.ie/

It is a positive youth mentoring project - they match a young person with an older person. Mainly just to be a friend and a positive influence etc. They meet once a week for a year.

It is ran by Foroige - Youth Service - they also have youth cafes/get togethers/events in the evenings that could suit your son as well.

Well worth contacting Foroige http://www.foroige.ie/

Best of luck to you and your son.

highrank

thank you am. tonight he was really fed up. New years Eve really hits you when you've nowhere to go and no friends to share it with. I appreciate your time and effort

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

highrank wrote: »

Well he likes football, but at his age the teams are only interested in him if hes a really good player, hes not bad not exceptional. Loves playstation and go to gym a lot these days, watches tv, I'm thinking of trying oa few voluntary bodies or karate a lot of people tell me if a good place for teens to make friends, I think

Can he even go to their training sessions? He doesn't have to ever play a soccer match, but it could benefit him to go. Gym is great too, but it can be somewhat lonely, maybe advertise for a gym buddy?

He might also be able to go to LAN parties to play games? Not every active type of thing but they are reallly fun and can meet lots of people with the same interests. Definately good idea to join some sort of a club or society. Best way to meet new friends and boost confidence in my opinion.

NanoLion3

Hey HighRank, I'm just asking and you don't have to answer, here's my question do you know what his sexual orientation is?

Joey the lips

NanoLion3 wrote: »

Hey HighRank, I'm just asking and you don't have to answer, here's my question do you know what his sexual orientation is?

I think this question is very insensative and cannot see where a yes or no could be of benefit.

highrank

defo not gay. He'd love a girlfriend V.shy with girls, often asks me how he'd chat them up.he did like girl in his class but got very tongue tied around her

NanoLion3

ohh so he has an eye for a girl:D, some one at school probably made fun of him in front of the girl which most likely made him feel uncomfortable, down in the dumps, embarrassed, basically made a show of by his so called friends(meaning they weren't his true friends he thought they were) and its these kind of people that I really despise:mad: because they can cause so much pain just for the fun of it and they are only doing cause he's different in so many ways i.e. he's smart, athletic, good looking, good sense of humor and so many other things the list is endless:), so you should ask him is he getting bullied, he might not answer you straight away cause he may find it embarrassing but just keep asking him and it doesn't help the fact that he is experiencing alot of confusing hormones, he may have lost his trust in people from being let down, but you definitely need to find out if he is getting bullied cause it can become worse the longer its not sorted out what ever the problem, I hope this helps so far,

Has he been depressed like this for long or has just happened recently?
was there any particular day when he came home really upset and non willing to talk to you at all?
How long ago did he start asking for tips about chatting up girls?:D

Joey the lips: I only asked because you can never be sure and if he was Gay or Bi-sexual which is perfectly normal, then I was goin to suggest he go to a youth group called BelongTo where LGBT people can meet others like themselves their own age and go places together and other activities.

Nano

Denerick

I'd highly reccomend not pushing your child into joining any groups. He is 17 after all (And assuming his learning disabilities aren't that profound) he might resent his mother pushing him into things at that age, and out of stubborness refuse to do it (Speaking as a male who was 17 once )

Generally hint at him about the kind of things he likes to do. Encourage him, but I often think the worst thing a parent can do is be pushy about getting their children to get involved in things. Basically let it be known that you would like him to get involved in one of these groups without actually telling him to do so. I've a feeling it'll work a lot better!

!!!

Maybe his dad could take him to the pub every so often? (I know he's underage but we'el get over that). Chances are he'll get chatting to people, pubs are a great place to make friends.

Denerick

!!! wrote: »

Maybe his dad could take him to the pub every so often? (I know he's underage but we'el get over that). Chances are he'll get chatting to people, pubs are a great place to make friends.

Yes, good idea actually! Does he like football? Get his dad to bring him along on matchdays, or get involved in a pool competition or something.

Cabbaginho

Hey Highrank. Is he very active online? There are so many online resources for young people now that weren't there even 5 years ago. Has he tried www.spunout.ie? They have a discussion forum for young people. From teens to mid-20s. Great for peer and mod support and completely confidential. While it's not face-to-face it can still boost someones confidence no-end to know there are other people out there in the same boat as themselves.

cynder

sounds weird to ask these questions i dont want to intrude or be rude.

Is he depressed?

Does he want friends or does he want to be alone?

If he has mild learning difficulties could he have aspergers? - people with aspergers like their own company and have poor social communication skills.

I liked my own company as a teen and found it hard making friends as we moved around a lot.