50 first dates - Internet Dating

magneticimpulse

Ok its not quite been 50 first dates but it feels that way. Well after a sad break up I decided to let loose over the Christmas time and give a go at internet dating again. However I have dated a few guys this week. Trouble is they are all equally nice guys and I was not expecting the outcome to be so positive. They are all different in their own way, all have different positives which I like about them. I dont want to lead anyone on, I was purely just wanting to get back out there and have fun over Christmas time instead of sitting at home sad. Im enjoying going out, and having fun, getting to know these people. Have coffee, few drinks etc. After 1, 2 or even 3 dates, I feel I still dont know the person enough to make an informed decission and I am still keeping my options open. Ive not slept with any of them, and have no intention, until i find the right connection.

What is acceptable when it comes to internet dating? Is there a certain cut off point where I should know which guy to date? Is it wrong to meet a few guys for drinks more than one date? Is it expected that I should only go on one date at a time?

fuzzywiggle

You have do with what feels right for you. Go on as many dates as you like until you're ready to make a decision. It's just a bit of fun and you're not doing anyone any harm so just enjoy it.

magneticimpulse

problem is, i dont feel madly in love with any of them. is this normal when you 1st go on date with someone? i enjoy their company, but afraid i end up in the "just friends" zone.

LegacyUser

magneticimpulse wrote: »

problem is, i dont feel madly in love with any of them. .

why should you on a first date?

Alpha111

There is no harm in what your doing if you are being Honest with these guys? And they know the score. If however you are looking for the one try talking online for some time and really get to know them before taking the next step and meeting up, dating more than one person at a time in real life can get messy especially if each are unaware of each other...:-)

Birdsong

Alpha111 wrote: »

If however you are looking for the one try talking online for some time and really get to know them before taking the next step and meeting up, ...:-)

I have to disagree with this, you will never get to know somebody really well until you meet, taking a long time talking online will do nothing - its not until you meet up in real life that you find out whether your attracted to the person, if you can have a good conversation, make each other laugh etc.

OP remember the internet is a way of connecting with somebody, the same as if in a pub or introduced by friends, once the inital connection is made its down to you & him - do you want to give this a bit of a go

miec

I have to disagree with this, you will never get to know somebody really well until you meet, taking a long time talking online will do nothing - its not until you meet up in real life that you find out whether your attracted to the person, if you can have a good conversation, make each other laugh etc.

+ 1
I totally agree with the above as well, because someone can come across well on e-mail and the phone but when you meet it may not be the same, I had experience of this in the past and it is awkward because you have this online connection and then nothing when you meet.

Op you are doing what a lot of people do in America, namely meeting a lot of people on a friendly basis until you decide you want to be closer to one person, it is a strange idea here in Ireland but I think it makes really good sense and at this stage you are not messing anyone around, I think though after four or five dates if there is no connection (I am not talking of love but more intrugue/ affection or attraction) then I'd maybe not continue meeting that person but really it all comes down to how you feel about the situation. Have fun and enjoy and see what comes of it.

magneticimpulse

thanks for the advice. i tried the email and chatting to people for a while before meeting them...however this kinda was a disappointment. we had chatted for over 2 years and got on great via interent. when we eventually decided to meet up, it was good, but the same spark which i thought was there, didnt exist in reality. hence this time round on internet dating, ive decided to send an email, if they seem ok, straight to meeting in person. its difficult to tell so far. some people seem really interested to meet, then afterwards are not so keen, but still insist we will meet again. some guys have even travelled the length of the country. the next few dates have arranged to meet me and stay in hotel overnight (alone). that is pretty new to me, i hope this will be ok, it seems like alot of trouble to meet one person...ie driving 2 hours to meet, hotel and 2 hours drive back.

fingers crossed it goes well

G-Money

I personally wouldn't travel 2 hours and stay in a hotel to meet a girl I'd only exchanged a couple of emails with. I'm not saying you're not worth the journey though But it seems a bit excessive at the beginning IMHO.

magneticimpulse

well my ex used to fly 2 hours to come and see me and vice versa. and we had only just met in a bar... so there are people out there who are willing to do alot for romance in the hope to find the right match.

G-Money

magneticimpulse wrote: »

well my ex used to fly 2 hours to come and see me and vice versa. and we had only just met in a bar... so there are people out there who are willing to do alot for romance in the hope to find the right match.

That's different. I'm talking about when you've only swapped one or two emails and decide to meet up etc.

magneticimpulse

not really. i only met my ex for an hour in a bar at the end of a night. then he flew to another country to meet me, flights which were 2 hour journey, train another 2 hour journey and 1 hour on bus then back again. some guys are actually willing to put in alot of effort on 1st date. i dont know why?? but i aint going to knock it. if they willing to do that, then i will be glad to meet them for a night out.

carlychick

hi, good for you doing the internet stuff...i am having a miserable christmas all my friends are married having babies in serious relationships....do you mind me asking what dating internet sites did you use? - good for you having a coffee getting to know someone. i agree if your into someone you will make the effort and go and meet them... thank you and good luck

G-Money

magneticimpulse wrote: »

not really. i only met my ex for an hour in a bar at the end of a night. then he flew to another country to meet me, flights which were 2 hour journey, train another 2 hour journey and 1 hour on bus then back again. some guys are actually willing to put in alot of effort on 1st date. i dont know why?? but i aint going to knock it. if they willing to do that, then i will be glad to meet them for a night out.

I shouldn't talk actually. I remember when I lived abroad at one stage there was one particular girl I was nuts about and she liked me as well. We'd chatted online for months and on the phone too but had never met. The phone rang one Saturday morning about 9am and I thought it was my parents phoning me again (there was quite a big time difference and the previous few weeks they'd messed it up and rang at 9am on a Sat morning and got me out of bed).

Anyway I answered the phone and it was this girl and it was her birthday but everyone she knew was going to be away and she was pretty bummed out that she'd be on her own. We chatted for a while and I made an excuse to get off the phone. As soon as I hung up, I looked at the Yellow pages and phoned a few airlines. I booked myself onto a flight that evening to go meet her (we'd never met face to face before). I was lucky in that the airline would let me book it but I didn't have to pay for the flight unless I turned up at the airport and wanted to go. If I didn't, then I got charged nothing.

I phoned her back up and waffled a bit and said something like "Well if you like, I can come down to meet you, I've just booked some flights". She got pretty excited and I remember her telling me afterwards that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her.

I always feel good when I think of that as she's been through some rough times.

Supercell

grandmaster wrote: »

I personally wouldn't travel 2 hours and stay in a hotel to meet a girl I'd only exchanged a couple of emails with. I'm not saying you're not worth the journey though But it seems a bit excessive at the beginning IMHO.

I met a girl on an internet dating site i flew all the way to China to meet!
That didn't work out but i got on great with one of her friends who introduced me to another of her friends and now ...one year later I cannot imagine living without her.
Life is too short OP, if you are not getting any magic then move on. The world is becoming a smaller and smaller place, you probably wont have to go halfway round the world to meet the man of your dreams, but you dont need to drop your standards either.

I'm no Brad Pitt but i have the girl of my dreams now, love is not wanting to sleep because the girl of your dreams is already beside you!

You will know if there is a connection, you will find yourself smiling a little too much. Laughing at his unfunny jokes because you just feel good, you will play with your hair when he looks you in the eye and smiles, you'll think of him when you should be thinking about work..so many signs that you like him even before you truly realise it.

If none of these guys make you think a bit too much about them then maybe its time to move on, the right one is out there, you have a whole world of guys out there, don't compromise on your dreams!

magneticimpulse

update on the situation...went out in dublin lastnight for new years and i well and truly understand why internet dating is the only way forward. its the one night that people have an excuse to go up to someone and have a kiss at midnight!! however 3 very single attractive women were left manless when the bells struck midnight. the ratio was about 20 women to 1 man, lots of young 18 -22 yr olds too (nobody late 20s early 30s)...really there is way too many women in dublin. after about 5 pubs/clubs in dublin we even went to coppers for a new years kiss...and still nothing at all. yeah we had fun, lots of smiles and yeah guys did come up to us (but had chatted up another 20 women before us). internet dating is definitely the way forward...otherwise myself and my lovely girl friends would be left waiting on the shelve for that new years kiss. the search continues.

G-Money

magneticimpulse wrote: »

update on the situation...went out in dublin lastnight for new years and i well and truly understand why internet dating is the only way forward. its the one night that people have an excuse to go up to someone and have a kiss at midnight!! however 3 very single attractive women were left manless when the bells struck midnight. the ratio was about 20 women to 1 man, lots of young 18 -22 yr olds too (nobody late 20s early 30s)...really there is way too many women in dublin. after about 5 pubs/clubs in dublin we even went to coppers for a new years kiss...and still nothing at all. yeah we had fun, lots of smiles and yeah guys did come up to us (but had chatted up another 20 women before us). internet dating is definitely the way forward...otherwise myself and my lovely girl friends would be left waiting on the shelve for that new years kiss. the search continues.

Looks like my original reply didn't get posted.

So which bar(s) had that super high 20 women to 1 man ratio???

magneticimpulse

every pub in dublin ive been to has way more women then men...doesnt help with the snow and had to cancel 4 dates this weekend. its like a sign!

G-Money

You're doing well. It would take me about a month to have 4 dates, if not longer. That's if I could even get the fickle girls on the sites to reply

magneticimpulse

do you have a photo on your profile? i wont go on date if person doesnt have photo. there has to be something intial to go on date. if a person has similar interests,and some criteria which im looking for, ill wink, send and an email with my email address.its good that a particular website gives you a 3 day free trail, so that forces you to be upfront and be straight forward with going on a date.

if the email they reply with is ok, ill give them my number. if they contact me by phone great, if not then they wiped off the list. then i arrange to make a date. ive found some turn offs like people texting me at 5 in morning to send a dirty photo...instantly deleted phone number. people emailing me and then finding out on facebook that they are in a relationship already. also some guys have a whole conversation by text message, to which i just get bored and dont reply. then they start sending silly messages just to get a reaction from me. again, not a good impression.

overall it has been a good experience and the only positive experience i have for meeting men as its just impossible to make a move in the likes of Coppers. I could if I wanted to, but its just not the place to meet the man of your dreams.

G-Money

Yeah I have a few pics on my profile. I guess they're not up to scratch. I have sent out a few emails but the responses haven't been great. I'm suppose to be meeting a girl this week from one of them. I'm not sure it's still going ahead but we'll see what happens.

stripysocks85

There are some weirdos, and people who'll just be after a 1 nighter or a bit on the side or whatever. You just have to suss them out. I sussed mine out and have him a year later

LegacyUser

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying a few people at the same time on a few dates, variety is the spice of life! However, once you find someone you rather like...

Can I ask, what particular dating sites do you guys recommend? There are loads out there, and it seems some of you are having reasonable success with the ones you are using (3 or 4 dates arranged per week?!)

stripysocks85

I used plentyoffish.com - didn't particularly like the layout, but met my bf so can't be all bad!
Also used Okcupid.com - thought it was fun but maybe not v productive

Some argue the sites you pay for can offer a better chance of weeding out the 'weirdos' than the free ones. That's up to you to decide.

G-Money

I'm on plenty of fish as well. Not sure of my verdict yet though.

magneticimpulse

match.com i find is the best but they are sneaky if you sign up and dont cancel your subscription, they will keep taking money out. So if you get the 3 day free trail, remember to cancel. Ive not really used any of the other sites as they are not specific to Ireland. Again, ive not met the man of my dreams and its not the best, but its something to get out there into the mode of dating again. Going to try speed dating for the laugh too...i know it will be exhausting but never tried it and willing to try anything to find mr.match

stripysocks85

I dno't know that it matters or not if it's specific to Ireland, as you can narrow your search!

magneticimpulse

yeah i find it does, as the more members in Ireland, the greater chances you have to meet someone similar. if the website is UK specific, you might just have 10 people in Ireland to choose from and they could be anywhere in the country.

magneticimpulse

So myself and 2 other lovely single friends are thinking of giving Speed Dating a go for a laugh (or any single event similar). Is this still the done thing in Dublin or its gone out of fashion? Which places have good speed dating nights? Is it ok to go with friends for the laugh or its better to go alone? I was meant to do it once before but it was in a very small village and I worked with 90% of the single men and didnt go.

So Speed Dating in Dublin: Good/Bad, or not popular in Dublin anymore?

Silverfish

magneticimpulse, there's no need to start so many threads on the subject.

Merged with existing thread.

magneticimpulse

sorry thought it would be regarded as different topic on how to date people