Alone at Christmas

LegacyUser

I live alone and generally spend a lot of time alone although I love people and am friendly and outgoing. Christmas day is tough, it accentuates your situation, every TV show seems sad and serves to remind you of your own situation. I come from a pretty sad and dysfunctional family and have never been successful in relationships or in starting my own family. I'm a middle aged male with a bit of a topsy turvy life. I don't know why I'm posting this. Not really for sympathy, just perhaps to connect.

Tomorrow it will be Stephen's day and in a week it will all be over - thank god! I'm so sorry if this has brought anyone down.

JonathanAnon

It's just another day. People feel too much pressure to be happy at christmas. Just dont think about it, sit back and watch the good telly, and have a few beers. No point getting yourself down analysing things..

I might give Eastenders a miss if you it to be happy viewing though.. lol

LegacyUser

JonathanAnon wrote: »

..

I might give Eastenders a miss if you it to be happy viewing though.. lol

or even if you don't -:)

bridiebirdie

Hey, I used to be on my own at Christmas and feel really miserable watching the impossibly happy families in Hollywood movies. Now I'm married, have in-laws and children round for Christmas Day - guess what, I absolutely dread it. And I mean that. Now I wish I was on my own again at Christmas, then I wouldn't have to cope with strained family relations, forced smiles, over-cooked enthusiasm and the rest. Know what I mean? I suppose Christmas Day is something to be endured no matter what way you look at it.

recycle

Sorry to hear your felling down man.

Far from making me feel down - I thought your post was spot on. Like you say, its over in a weeks time.

Shopping and boozing seems to be what its all about for most. Somethings missing there.

LegacyUser

I have been off the booze for some years now, that was a whole other tangle in my life.

The day is nearly over and I feel numb. I spent some time crying today, and I spent some time laughing. I cooked some dinner and talked to myself a lot. I hate Christmas, every year its a hell to get through. I do get offers to go to people for the afternoon but I hate being that person, the one that people feel they have to invite, so I often make up excuses or lies as a way of gettig them and me off the hook.

In anticipation of this year, I tried volunteering all over the place with charities. Would you believe I did not get one reply. I guess the charities are seeing an upsurge in volunteers during the recesion which is great, and Yes, I do realise that my motives were and are selfish (but not totally; maybe just a bit, I do have a kind heart).

WesternNight

S0me0ne wrote: »

and Yes, I do realise that my motives were and are selfish (but not totally; maybe just a bit, I do have a kind heart).

It's not selfish. You'd be helping yourself and other people.

Goat Mouth

S0me0ne wrote: »

I have been off the booze for some years now, that was a whole other tangle in my life.

Hello OP, I know exactly how you feel. I gave up the booze exactly this day last year. It's hard when you don't drink because everybody wants to go to the pub. The other day I was in a friend's house (to collect money at the request of another friend, not for the session which had been organized) and there was a group of people there whom i'm more than familiar with. They'd decided to meet up to go out for drinks on St Stephen's Day, and do you think the turned around to invite myself?
(this may sound selfish) but it would've been nice to a least been asked to follow along, but this way it's easier to decline. When you don't drink there's only so long you can tolerate who you're with even if they're genuinely nice people.

S0me0ne wrote: »

The day is nearly over and I feel numb. I spent some time crying today, and I spent some time laughing. I cooked some dinner and talked to myself a lot. I hate Christmas, every year its a hell to get through. I do get offers to go to people for the afternoon but I hate being that person, the one that people feel they have to invite, so I often make up excuses or lies as a way of gettig them and me off the hook.

Again i know how that feels. Although, have you ever thought they might be lonely too? (not saying that that's the case but it could always be a possibility)
I'm interested, what was it that made you laugh?
Talking to yourself is not always a bad thing, you'll be surprised what you can find out about yourself if you listen and not rip into yourself.

S0me0ne wrote: »

In anticipation of this year, I tried volunteering all over the place with charities. Would you believe I did not get one reply. I guess the charities are seeing an upsurge in volunteers during the recesion which is great, and Yes, I do realise that my motives were and are selfish (but not totally; maybe just a bit, I do have a kind heart).

I dont see this as selfish. There are a lot of common cases where people will sign up for a charity strictly because they think "It's a good cause" under the impression that it's a selfless act. No harm in being selfless but other people just dont have that kind of energy.
I'd see your case wanting to sign up for charity as a way to connect with people. I think you know there are people out there who have far worse times at christmas. Be they homeless or sick etc. It doesnt exactly take a "kind heart" as you say, just a slap or morality.


I'm not the best at giving advice to strangers but hey, i hope you got something from what i've written.
I'll be thinkin of you on my walk later on. and remember it's over in a week's time.

LegacyUser

I hate christmas too, I think there are a lot of people out there in a similar situation. It just doesn't seem like it because no one wants to say it, they feel they have to enjoy Christmas.

If you can plan in advance for next year and do the voluntary work or get work shifts that cover Christmas, it really helps.

iguana

S0me0ne wrote: »

I do get offers to go to people for the afternoon but I hate being that person, the one that people feel they have to invite, so I often make up excuses or lies as a way of gettig them and me off the hook.

Are you sure that is their motivation? I don't think anyone invites someone around for christmas unless they actually like that person and enjoy their company. My husband and I got stuck in London this year. We invited a friend over but she didn't come as she kept saying she felt like we didn't really want her around but were doing so out of obligation. We were really disappointed she didn't call around as we would actually have loved her company. But we just couldn't convince her that it wasn't an obligation invite.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Fair play to you, you handled it very well, I felt the same as you, i have no family that make any effort with me so it hurts more around christmas time but every year im convienced il be grand but its always emotional,

i dont like too visit too much either because your already feeling vunerable, I was worse the few weeks before christmas and then on the day i felt more relaxed almost like the bubble burst or something, In the morning it was a beautiful morning, I had bought a bird table and erected it in front of my window, and kept looking out to see if any birds were coming, a little robin came! the rest of the estate were mainly away so it was really quiet i liked that, but then there were the moments of pain which were hard to go through,

I am so relieved it is over, I think the best way to look at it is you spent it with the best person ... you, you were alone but it was peaceful.

Wishing you well for 2010 xxx

LegacyUser

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread. Yes some of this is in our heads but a lot of it exists in the social norms that suffocate xmas.

The only hurdle left is sitting there during "should ould acquaintence be forgot" and wondering what the fcuk life is supposed to be about. Year in year out, its a sad time.

Goat Mouth

Another thing to look out for would be when you've to go back to work and face people asking the "How was your christmas?"

what do you think you'll say?