Can't stand living with my brother

LegacyUser

Crying in my room after Christmas dinner at the moment. I have two brothers, 24 and 26. I'm a 22 year old girl. I'm at the stage where I just cannot continue to be in the same house as my older brother.

He has serious mental issues and treats my parents with no respect whatsover, despite being unemployed, living at home, and relying on them for everything as he refuses to go on the dole. He has been out of work for 2 years so it's not like this is a new thing.

He has temper tantrums almost daily, where he berates my mother about anything and everything. He barely speaks to my dad. I stopped communicating with him in any way around early September, as it just always led to a row and people advised me to just ignore him. The final straw was when I was studying for my supplemental exams for college and one night between 2 of my exams he screamed the house down, shouting abuse at my parents all night and wrecking things in the house until the early hours. I remember being at my desk and trying to block the noise out but I just couldn't. Thankfully I got through the exams and now I'm in final year.

So I haven't spoken to him since then. The rows etc just keep getting worse as his mental state appears to deteriorate. He never leaves the house. Knowing he is there, a constant loud, threatening presence, makes me just stay in my room when I am at home. My other brother, the 24 year old, arsed around for a couple of years since dropping out of college 2-3 years ago, but went back this year. Even though we live in Dublin he decided he wanted to go to a college on the other side of the country to escape our older brother, who he also can't stand. My parents paid for this, including full fees for his first year. He doesn't even have a part-time job and has always been sheltered due to his extremely shy nature. I would never dream of asking them for living expenses (~€20k for this year alone). Neither he nor my older brother got my parents anything for Christmas.

Sometimes I just feel so sad about it all. People tell me I shouldn't get too upset about it because my brothers are the ones with the issues and I'm 'normal' as it were. Hopefully I will have moved out by this time next year but I'm not in a position to at the moment. Really I suppose I just need to get it off my chest. I feel confined to my room for the rest of the night and like he has ruined my Christmas, but it has been therapeutic to even write it down.

Could someone please just tell me I'm not crazy for resenting both of them and share any experience on this issue... Thanks a lot.

LegacyUser

Sorry to ehar of your problem. you need to leave that house. Plan getting out by next xmas and think ahead. Don't dwell on now. Good luck

cafecolour

Stop resenting your middle brother for starters. You're resenting him for pretty minor reasons (if not uncommon ones - see the story of the prodigal son for a start). Also likely that he got out and left you there. But I think if you were on better terms with him, you could get some more emotional support for dealing with your eldest brother. He's one of the few people who knows near exactly what you're going through. Plus, you may be able to go visit and crash on his couch for a week when it gets too bad at home.

You need to get out asap, of course. Can you suck up your pride and ask your parents for some money to move out now, since you can't deal with him any more?

Or sit down with your mother and father and ask them what they're going to do about the eldest brother, since the situation is intolerable. Perhaps they can get him on meds or committed. There was some good feed back on the below thread, which was somewhat of a similar situation:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055770052

Denerick

OP, your older brother clearly has issues. Has he ever seen anybody? I don't mean to be alarmist but it does sound like he could have something like Bipolar - for all you know he is living in a personal tormet all of his own and just needs someone to help and understand him. Though thats easy for me considering I know nothing about your situation!

CDfm

OP - it does seem that you guys all have issues and your parents have got into a patern of dealing with it.

Mental illness is like any other illlness - you go to the doctor and get it sorted.

So make a new years resoloution to speak to your parents and get the guy assessed. There will be a time they will no longer be able to deal with it and at that time they will be sorry to have missed the opportunity.

Check this link and at least see if you can get support for you

http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/Find_a_Service/Mental_Health_Services/