could this mean he wants me back?

LegacyUser

i'll try keep this brief.
i broke up with my boyfriend during the summer, it wasn't mutual, but it was amicable, there's no bad feeling between us, but i am still completely heartbroken. i think he was just feeling a little lost and wanted to be on his own.
we said we'd try remain friends and initially i made an effort to make this happen, but it wasn't really reciprocated other than bumping into eachother out and being nice to one another, so i decided no more effort he clearly doesnt want this get on with things...
then out of the blue a few weeks ago he wanted to meet up with me, so i did and he apologised for his behaviour, said it was much harder than he had imagined so just went on the constant piss and blocked it out, that he was really sorry, i knew i'd get upset if the conversation went much further than that so i just said ok and started talking about other things, what we'd been up to and such.. since then i've only seen him once, when he seriously couldnt have been nicer to me, but he's been texting me at least twice a week, half of them inviting me to things, (which i can see as feeling bad for not making an effort to be friends and making it now) and half just completely arbitrary things that he would have no need to ask me about, which i'm trying not to but i can only see as excuses for contacting me. (i've declined all the invites, and felt a little bad that he seemed to be making an effort so the day after the last one i replied to his text saying sorry i don't seem to be going to any of the things etc. maybe we should meet up for tea or something..
he replied saying he had just gotten home for christmas and it would be lovely to do that when he gets back..
so now i dont know what to do, my instinct tells me that he's regretted losing me and is trying to bridge the gap before doing anything, but i know that maybe thats just what i want to believe...
i know these feelings are stoping me from moving on but i cant help having them and i am still completely in love with him, so i dont want to let go of the chance of reconciliation just to speed up my recovery as such..

lifeishard

giv it one more go.... just test the water and see what happens, he seems to really miss you

LegacyUser

Yup. Sounds like he wants to get back. Nobody bothers doing all that otherwise.

Of course he could be the kind of scoundrel who just wants your emotional support... so draw up a list of whats acceptable to you before you get involved again and accept nothing less.

Otherwise, enjoy :-)

LegacyUser

but should i do something or just sit back and play it cool...

rcarroll

look, I'll give u my tuppenceworth as I've been thru this, and having come out teh other side, I wish I hadn't put myself through what ended up another year of heartbreak and not moving on

I'd split from my partner, first longterm relationship (4yrs). After a few weeks, he texted, called, begged me to meet up. Up till then as I hadnt heard from him - I thought he was well over me and wasnt too upset. It gave me hope, cheered me up to know he was upset - it was both of our first time to break up with someone we love, and stupidly, we thought the pain we were feelign meant the break wasn't supposed to happen, and we'd be happier together. so after a few weeks of meeting up to talk about what we both wanted, we made a 'sound' (to us) plan and got back together, believing we'd solved our problems and this time, we were mature enough to make it work.

feeling sad about missing the other person, does not mean you should get back together, or that the other person necessarily wants you back, they just dont want to feel the enormous pain - which, is only human to try to fix things and without the wisdom of previous breaks, how are u to know that it's normal.

fast forward a year of trying, fighting, going back and forth, same old arguments, old fears, the awful, and UNFORGETABLE pain of knowing the relationship was broken in the first place. Trust me, you never get over knowign the other person wanted out. Even if you think you're doing ok, and we had a lot of happy moments where we believed we were on track - when you look back, you realise you shouldnt have that thought of 'are we gonna work' all the time, it's stressful, tiring, heartbreaking, you live on a constant emotional rollercoaster, every fight is proving something/solving something. it's too much, and eventually, it tears down what you once had and leaves you with a bitter taste.

I wish we'd left things the first time round, with heartbreak, but clean, with good memories. It takes a much longer time to get over the many rows, the post-mortems, the words that were meant to advise on how to fix the other persons problems so ye can work.

I know it hurts, it hurts him too, take comfort that you meant enough to him and he to you that you feel that hurt. It means you had something, neither of you want to let go - it was good and special and you'll not have the exact same with another person. It's natural to want to have that back. It doesn't mean it's the right thing for yourself. It's very hard to make a relationship work, and hard to tell without experience whether it's meant to be. but it seems the best chances of a reunion are that many years have passed, or both have changed enough in circumstances/themselves that old problems wont come back, often there have been other relationships in between so they know how to handle relationships now and have grown up a bit, know what they want. and often, both are different ppl before trying again and don't have the old remnants of their relatioship to get in the way- it truely is a new relationship.

try again, it'll prob happen anyways no matter what advice you recieve - if the heart wants, it tries. but if you can be swayed, leave it be, wait till enough time has passed that neither desires/hurts for the other. if he truely is the man to make you happy (and I believe many can, at different stages in our lives), then no matter what, you'll find each other. but for now, stop guilting yourself into being friends - u can always pick up a friendship a few months/years later, it's too fresh now.

CDfm

Tou have dealt with the pain bit but if back togethrer you have changed.

So if he rocks your world -try again but dont repeat mistakes of the past.

LegacyUser

this is what i'm afraid of.. what we had was really great and i'm afraid that we'd never be able to get that back, even if we did both want it. i want him, but i'm afraid of having to go through all this again. is it the norm for these things to just fall apart again or do people ever get back together and live happily ever after!?
it seems that everyone i know who's in long term relationships, some married, that they broke up at least once..
i'm also afraid, and i still don't even know, that if he does want me back and i try just listen to my head and protect myself that i will always wonder if it would have worked out and i was to much of a coward to risk it.

jellie

would anything be different this time? are the reasons you broke up still there? missing each other and/or loving each other arent always enough.

peanuthead

This would be my advice - not from first hand experience, but from seeing a good friend going through this very thing.

Take him back. Give it a go as another poster said. But the thing is, either

• he's missing you
• the grass wasn't as green on the other side as it looked.

If it's the second:

• Maybe he's learned his lesson
• Maybe it's only a matter of time before his feet get itchy again

I watched a friend get dumped by her BF. Claimed he wasn't sure if he loved her or not and he needed time to 'sort himself out'. He came back, couldn't have been nicer, even informally proposed to her. Told her that when they broke up he went on holiday with a colleague, it didn't work out. Honest, but transparent.

He did this 4 times however, over a period of 6 years.

6 years of her life wasted on a spineless idiot who, I do believe needed to sort himself out, but never did.

If you're taking him back - do it on your terms. Maybe things will move slower - if he's complaining about needing to sort himself out, make sure that he does. The main thing I would have said to my friend is that you can't say "Well I've invested 6 years into this, I don't want to waste time away from him looking for others when he's 'the one' " You need to be thinking in terms of "If he's not the one, he's wasting time that could be spent looking for him"

Not that I'm saying relationships have to be based around searches for 'the one'

Good luck, but please, only give him one chance. It broke my heart to see my friend go through all that 6 times. I was emotionally beaten by it, I don't even know how she did it.