reading the signals!

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
I'm not sure what I'm asking here, but here it goes.

About 5 months ago, my very long term relationship ended (against my wishes at the time, but I'm getting over it to some degree now). However, I'm a long long time out of the dating scene, it was very different back in the mid nineties!

Anyway, I met a girl on Saturday night... lovely person, great looking, we seemed to click. Went for a coffee together after the pub, and we had a good (if slightly drunk) chat. Nothing happened though, bar a peck on the cheek!

I texted her the next day, just friendly banter, and again on Monday... I then bit the bullet and asked if she'd like to meet again. She agreed, she was gonna be out with her mates lastnight, so we kept it casual, I'd contact her and find her where ever she was drinking.

Anyway, I eventually caught up with her, she was with friends, but dropped them when I landed (a good sign maybe!). Again, we had a good chat, we bought each other a drink, just casual enough banter....

No idea what I'm asking here really... just don't know how to read it. She seems keen in one way, but in other ways I'm not sure, a friendly peck on cheek is as far as its gone! I'm not expecting a grope... but a little more would be encouraging !

My own head is still not right, after the LTR ending (loads of crap still on my plate)... but I really like this new girl too.

I guess my question is, I'm wondering how keen she is on me. It's hard to tell !

I don't want to seem too keen, don't want to text her every 5 mins, maybe she's thinking the same thing! As much fun as seeing new people is, it's so hard to know how to read these situations.

Sanjuro

Had she jumped down your throat after the first time you'd met, would you have taken that as a subtle sign that she was interested?!

In all seriousness though, from what you're saying, it does sound like she is interested in you. She might be just playing it casual rather than professing her undying love for you after the second time ye met. Ask her out for a date date. The absolute worst that can happen is she can say no. At least then you'll know for sure where you stand. But from what you've written, it sounds like that wont happen.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks a lot! I hope you're right.
Since I posted the original "question" she texted me... asked if I was around again tonight... A good sign me thinks, we'll see how it goes, but it's damn hard to read people's minds!

samsung22

Hi OP. I'm in a VERY similiar situation to you at the moment aswell! Apart from the LTR bit! Met a girl at the weekend and supposed to be meeting her again tonight so we'll see how it goes. Difficult to read the signals.

Best thing to do is to take things as they come and don't force the issue I think. Play it casual even if you're actually MAD about her!

Eve_Dublin

This is always the tricky bit OP. I'm in a similar situation right now...met a guy about a month ago and we went on a load of dates, we kissed on the first night and kissed on all the other subsequent dates...but nothing more. Turns out he was unsure if I liked him and visa versa until we both finally found the courage actually SPEAK about it instead of second guessing each other. We both got our hearts broken around the same time and are terrified of a repeat performance of that so we're taking it slowly.

We all have our baggage that we carry around including yourself...perhaps she's afraid of rushing into anything as well because of her own past, who knows. If I were you, I'd bite the bullet and go for the kill. If she likes you, she'll kiss you and if not, she might kiss you anyway but make excuses not to see you again but at least you'll know for sure. I'm SURE she knows your interested in her in that way, so she'd hardly be meeting up with you if she wasn't interested...

and a little tip: woman (or at least myself) like when a man has the bravery to go in for a kiss. Perhaps she's trying to figure out if she likes you still and she can only know for sure until she kisses you to see if there's chemistry...just go for it OP...what have you got to loose? A man who has that kind of bravery is very attractive.

LegacyUser

Thanks Eve for that great reply! And to the others too.

Well... I went out lastnight in the hope of seeing her. I even dragged a mate along as a wing man, but she couldn't make it. She'd been away for the day and couldn't make it back as planned. Disappointing and I'm trying to take the excuse at face value!

I think a lot of what you said could be true. I deffo got the impression that she's also been burned in the recent past so maybe she's afraid to rush anything. Hard to know. Some of the chat we had was encouraging but she could be just having fun.*

Anyway, I haven't heard from her since lastnight and we've both gone to our respective families for Xmas. I might bite the bullet and send her a happy Xmas text tomorrow, but right now, I feel like I'm doing all the running and I ain't too confident that I'll see her again, which is a shame. Ah well, feck it!!

samsung22

Sorry to hear that she couldn't make it out to meet you. She sounds genuine enough though so don't write her off just yet!

As far as texting her on xmas day goes....id say dont bother, based solely on what you said RE "right now, I feel like I'm doing all the running". You could end up looking a bit needy but then again she might love it. You never know I guess! But id advise you to leave it until maybe monday and text her then to see what the lie of the land is.

In any event have a Happy Christmas and let us know if theres any developments!

ManOfMystery

About 2 years ago, I was in a similar situation. However, on Xmas day, I DID send a 'Merry Xmas, hope you're having a great day', etc text. And 2 years later, we're going strong and I'm so glad I made the effort instead of blanking her, she's the love of my life.

Send her the text ......... what have you got to lose?

Eve_Dublin

ManOfMystery wrote: »

About 2 years ago, I was in a similar situation. However, on Xmas day, I DID send a 'Merry Xmas, hope you're having a great day', etc text. And 2 years later, we're going strong and I'm so glad I made the effort instead of blanking her, she's the love of my life.

Send her the text ......... what have you got to lose?

I don't like games as such but you do have to play it somewhat cool, particularly if she knows you're just out of a massive relationship...she knows the craic. I personally wouldn't text her on Christmas Day; it's a day for family so leave her to it...if something concrete was set down, even if you had a proper kiss then I would, otherwise you seem wimpy....not going in for the kill and then TEXTING her on xmas day...not saying you are but that's how she (or I!) might see it...you haven't heard from her since last night...not a very long time...hang on 'till Stephen's Day to text her or else bite the bullet and call her to arrange a PROPER date. That kind of confidence is very sexy.... at the moment you're both acting like a pair of teenagers (but I've done it myself and I know how scary it is) and I'm guessing neither of you are.

Edit: Just to add, I don't think you are at all wimpy...you're just out of a serious relationship and your caution and unsureness is understandable.

Edit(again): Biting the bullet is not a text, biting the bullet is a phone call or telling her face-to-face that you're quite into her.

LegacyUser

Thanks again guys, it's a big help! Yeah, neither of us are teenagers anymore and this texting nonsense wrecks my head but it seems easier than calling. That said, I did call her early this week, at her request, cos she hates texting!!!

I know what ye mean about coming across as needy. I desperately want to avoid that. I made a total ass of myself with the ex, coming across all needy as the relationship crumbled and I really regret it. Totally shot my confidence!*

It's so hard to get the balance right. The fact that she didn't make contact today would suggest the signs aren't good, but it is a big family gig as ye say, so who knows.*

I'll probably end up ignoring the sound advice and texting tomorrow.. And then agonising about the reply or lack thereof. I really shouldn't but patience is not one of my strengths. The ending of my LTR really shot my confidence, and perhaps I'm risking myself further upset by getting so wound up about a girl I didn't even know a week ago.**

CDfm

OP - texting is for kids but if you have just split in a relationship you may be looking for someone to fill the gap.

Plenty of opportunity for you to ask her out say for dinner somewhere.

Dont read too much into stuff or try to move too quickly.

LegacyUser

Well I texted her yesterday, wished her a happy Xmas, kept it light! She responded a while later, returning the Xmas wishes. I replied, kept it light again, but added that I hoped to catch up with her again soon. Got no reply to that one!

So... I may leave it a couple of days for now and then maybe I'll *chance ringing her. I'm not optimistic now though.

Eve_Dublin

datingAgain wrote: »

Well I texted her yesterday, wished her a happy Xmas, kept it light! She responded a while later, returning the Xmas wishes. I replied, kept it light again, but added that I hoped to catch up with her again soon. Got no reply to that one!

So... I may leave it a couple of days for now and then maybe I'll *chance ringing her. I'm not optimistic now though.

OP! You haven't even kissed this girl properly and you're TEXTING her on Christmas day?? Not to be harsh but there's nothing attractive about that (I told you above).

Not to be arrogant but I'm a woman, I know what I'm talking about: CALL the girl in a couple of days time...NO texting...texting is for teenagers and wimps...neither of which are attractive to a grown woman with any pride in herself.

Cheeky texts are nice when you've sealed the deal between phone calls...but you haven't even kissed this girl yet! I know it's tough to get back on the saddle but don't blow this OP if you like her..

samsung22

I suppose it's not looking great that she didn't text back to your last text about meeting up. Whatever you do though, DO NOT text her and ask to meet up on New Years Eve! That would look very desperate so maybe it's best to leave it till after New Years, ring/text her then and see what develops.

As for my situation, I text 'herself' yesterday aswell (mainly because she was stuck working!), she text back and we had 4/5 cheeky texts, agreed to meet up again this week so it's all good so far! I'll leave it till monday/tuesday now though.

Eve_Dublin

PLUS she said she hated texting and you still texted her! Please please please CALL her, not text...I'm a sucker for a romantic story and want this to work out for you...:)

Larianne

Cut to the chase, call her up and ask her out!!

samsung22

Whats your take on this Larianne? Do you think the OP has a decent chance with this girl going on what he's told us so far?

Larianne

To be honest I don't know. Sounds like a good impression was made at the start but it shouldn't really matter.

The OP is obviously likes this girl, would like to meet her again. Ring her up and ask. Nothing worse than text messages pussyfooting around the subject!!

You've nothing to lose.

samsung22

If only we all knew what women want!!:P:D

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I'm loving the tough love! Yeah I know the texting is really lame! I'm way past the teenage texting crap. But calling is hard! What if she doesn't answer?!?!!

It's very hard to second guess and work out what she really thinks. Some bits of our chats were encouraging... E.g. She said I like to be spoiled/impressesed, * I.e. She was basically telling me I had my work cut out to catch her... So this texting crap deffo won't cut it.

Still, I reckon if she was any way keen, she'd have given me a little more to work with. I will try calling her in the coming days and see what happens.! Not optimistic but we'll see. *

samsung22

I think texting is the best option in the early days to be honest but if you want to try calling her then work away.

Just dont bombard her with texts/calls!

Stu77

Theres nothing wrong with texting early on while just sounding each other out, even after the first date. At least you'll get a better impression of whether the person is interested but when you send a text, wait for a reply. If you don't get a reply give it a few days and send another one. If shes being a bit reticent after that then i'd say just leave it.

As for some people saying to just bite the bullet and call her in a few days time because women find that attractive, well thats easier said than done if you have very little to go on. I personally think its very attractive when a women lets you know where you stand early on, especially after the first date, even if she says that she not interested in another date.

Something along the lines of , "Hi, Great to hear from you, really enjoyed the other night. Yeah give me a ring and we'll arrange something". Thats always very helpful to a guy. At least then he can be a bit more assertive in making the next move and then they can confess their undying love for each other and live happily ever after.

Eve_Dublin

Yep Stu, definitely easier said than done, I agree but I've done it myself a few times...took the guys number and gave them a call before I talked myself out of it. It's always worked out well because I read the signals right (and also because men are stunned when a woman makes the first move, I guess). In this case I think the initial signs were good, she wouldn't have met up with you if she wasn't interested... but she did specifically say she didn't like texting....no reading between the lines there, the girl is asking you to call her and not text. He texted her, they met up, nothing happened because he didn't make the moves on her (I know it's crap when men are expected to make the moves but I'd give the exact same advice to a woman if she posted up here) so he texted her again...and again...and she HATES texting....

Please call her OP.

Gyalist

You seemed to have made an good first impression but spoiled it later by being somewhat needy and overly keen with the texts. Surely you could have allowed her to spend Christmas with her family. Not only did you text Merry Christmas, but you seemed to have wanted to start a conversation and now you are doubting yourself because she didn't respond.

You are trying to read signals when your role is to lead. Call her up in a few days, ask her how her Christmas went and then ask her out on a date. Set the time and place and if she is unavailable, allow her to reschedule a mutually convenient time.

You need to get over your fear of rejection. It's an occupational hazard in the dating game and certainly not the end of the world.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice guys, appreciate it. Yeah, I probably have messed it up, assuming there was something to mess in the first place! I did send a few texts, but only a few. I haven't done anything since Xmas day. I didn't bombard her..! Well, I guess I made no secret of the fact that I'm keen.

My gut feeling is she wasn't keen enough, texting or no texting. But I'll try just calling her, maybe tomorrow evening. That'll be nerve racking, calling her out of the blue, will she answer or not, should I leave a voicemail if she doesn't..... Arghhh! I know I sound a total wimp, but I'm a fairly shy person, despite the front I often put on when I have a few beers. And I'm very out of practice in these situations as I mentioned.

The whole thing reminds me of that recent film, he's just not that into you. I was attached when I saw it, but now I relate to the storyline!

Eve_Dublin

datingAgain wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice guys, appreciate it. Yeah, I probably have messed it up, assuming there was something to mess in the first place! I did send a few texts, but only a few. I haven't done anything since Xmas day. I didn't bombard her..! Well, I guess I made no secret of the fact that I'm keen.

My gut feeling is she wasn't keen enough, texting or no texting. But I'll try just calling her, maybe tomorrow evening. That'll be nerve racking, calling her out of the blue, will she answer or not, should I leave a voicemail if she doesn't..... Arghhh! I know I sound a total wimp, but I'm a fairly shy person, despite the front I often put on when I have a few beers. And I'm very out of practice in these situations as I mentioned.

The whole thing reminds me of that recent film, he's just not that into you. I was attached when I saw it, but now I relate to the storyline!

Saying that OP, I think you can rekindle the interest she initially had in you (definitely sounds like she did have interest)....this is just my opinion but I think attraction works differently in men and women...it's instant with men; either he fancies from the outset or he doesn't GENERALLY speaking and with women it takes a little longer. It's things like confidence and taking the bull by the horns that attract us to men. There's guys I wasn't initially attracted to in a major way but pursued me in a straight-forward, non-pestering way (phoned me and asked me out) that I became more attracted to because of it.

This girl could be thinking that you don't like her all that much because you only sent a few texts (which she doesn't like). Texts are wishy-washy and I wouldn't think, jaysus, this fella was so into me that he sent me a text message...we can be just as insecure as you guys believe it or not and we probably over-think things more than you actually.

Anyway, I personally don't think it's a lost cause...I reckon you can woo this girl by picking up the phone tomorrow night (she's getting over last night today, no doubt) and just keeping it friendly and general and just asking her if she'd like to do something maybe the following day. If she's hesitant and humming and hawing then you've got your answer and if she says yes, then brilliant. Make sure you kiss her on this date though.

And as for shyness, it can be overcome by biting the bullet more often and most people I know are essentially shy when it comes to the dating game but as The Smiths once said, "Shyness is nice but shyness will stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to...".

Good luck OP...keep us posted.

Stu77

Hey Dating Again, if i was you i wouldn't call her until the new year. If you've sent her a few texts and she hasn't gotten back to you, your only setting yourself up for a fall. Maybe you were a bit too keen early on but its no big deal. When a first date goes well its natural to want to see how she feels and look for a positive response.

The ball is in her court in my opinion. She really hasn't given you enough positive feedback since the first date. Your not a wimp for not calling her if shes not replying to texts. I know she said she doesn't like texting but in all honesty she could have replied to your last text with a quick line to let you know she is interested in taking things further. Then you could have given her a call and arranged something.

Maybe shes just busy with Family and Friends and has a lot going on over christmas. Give her a call in the early in the New Year if you haven't heard anything from her in the meantime but also accept that if you haven't heard anything from her between now and then and you call her, shes probably not going to tell you what you want to hear. Thats my take on it anyway from what you've said.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
Latest update on this... I tried as some of you suggested (and others advised against!) and I dialed her number this evening, about an hour ago. As I anticipated, it rang out and went to voicemail... I left a short-ish, if slightly rushed/nervous message. I just said Hi, said I hoped her Xmas went well, that I was back in town and it would be nice to catch up with her again.

Anyway... my gut feeling is that that will be the end of it... She may respond but I don't think she will..! Ah well, I'll chalk it down to experience and move on again.

LegacyUser

Actually... I did mention patience is not one of my virtues, didn't I?!

She texted me back a little while ago in response to my voicemail. As is the way this time of year, she's got plans this week, pre-arranged parties to attend down near her home-place, etc... but said she'll contact me when she's back here again in a few days.

I suppose I'm not quite getting the brush-off (she really didn't have to reply at all!), but she's deffo not making it easy for me! So she's either mildly interested and liking the attention... or she's just playing hard to get. Who knows!

Anyway, glad I called her I guess.

CDfm

datingAgain wrote: »

I suppose I'm not quite getting the brush-off (she really didn't have to reply at all!), but she's deffo not making it easy for me! So she's either mildly interested and liking the attention... or she's just playing hard to get. Who knows!

OP go out on NYE -you have nothing to loose.

Eve_Dublin

datingAgain wrote: »

Actually... I did mention patience is not one of my virtues, didn't I?!

She texted me back a little while ago in response to my voicemail. As is the way this time of year, she's got plans this week, pre-arranged parties to attend down near her home-place, etc... but said she'll contact me when she's back here again in a few days.

I suppose I'm not quite getting the brush-off (she really didn't have to reply at all!), but she's deffo not making it easy for me! So she's either mildly interested and liking the attention... or she's just playing hard to get. Who knows!

Anyway, glad I called her I guess.

Fair play for calling her OP! Nobody can accuse of not giving it a lash.

Games games games...it's all games at this part of the dating "game". This is the advice my friend gave me when I was over-analysing my situation with the fella I'm seeing now. I won't go into detail but I guess both of you have to feel around and take things at whatever pace suits both of you. Do you mind me asking how old you are, OP? I'm guessing you're over 25, say? People become warier as they get older. If she had absolutely no interest whatsoever, she wouldn't have replied. This is a hectic time of year and I'd well believe she's busy into the new year...it ain't over 'till it's over. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

LegacyUser

Thanks again Eve for the sound encouragement!

In answer to your question, we are both well over that age threshold. I'm 32 and she's 30. So I guess we are way past the kids nonesense, texting, etc, but I still weirdly feel as giddy about this girl as I did about my first serious relationship... The one that recently ended! I suppose that crap history I have bothers me, I did tell her about some of it. It was far from an easy end, that LDR, far from it, and I worry that it scares potential future relationships off. I suppose I should be more discreet about it.

Anyway, it seems I haven't completely put this girl off yet..! The ball is kinda back in her court, we will see. If I don't hear from her by NYE, I suppose I'll be tempted to contact again!!

Stu77

I'm black and white on this sort of thing. If the first date goes well i just prefer to cut to the chase and arrange a second date and it seems like you've made your intentions very clear. If she feels the same way and shes not playing games then she should give you some positive signals but don't try to force it. Like Eve said, people do become more wary as they get older especially after being hurt and maybe she has her guard up and doesn't want to rush into anything.

If you contact her again in say a week or so and shes still being coy then it ain't happening but in my opinion you've been very upfront and i don't see what else you can do apart from waiting and letting her decide where things go from here. If she has any decency, she won't keep you in the dark and will let you know her intentions either way in the near future but until that happens you might be best to leave things be.

I know that some women like to be chased and i remember a girl telling me that a guy she once went out with chased her for weeks and in her words, she eventually gave in. Personally, i don't get that at all. Its hardly a good foundation on which to start a relationship. If two people are genuinely attracted to each other it will happen naturally otherwise you end up with a situation where one person is looking to have their ego massaged while the other person is doing all the running.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
Been a couple of weeks since I was on this thread! I finally got a date with her lastnight! Yes, it took this long - almost 3 weeks since I'd seen her face-to-face last!

In the few weeks since, I'd maintained contact, through facebook and texting, and called her once too... and she called me. But through a combination of the Xmas/New Year stuff and the awful weather, we never seemed to be in the same place at the same time, so it took till last night to finally meet again. Persistence paid off.!

Anyway, we met for a quiet drink and, despite her saying she didn't want a late one, we chatted for ages, and it was near 2am when I left her to a taxi. She looked great, clearly had made the effort.

But she's extremely tough work... hard to get close to her if ye know what I mean... so we didn't go beyond hand-holding, and a kiss on the cheek, despite me making it obvious I'd like a little more! She said she doesn't do "public displays of affection"! She said she really enjoyed my company, and had looked forward to the night, and enjoyed it, etc...

So I dunno... the jury is out. I don't know if she's just being very guarded, making me work, or if she's interested, or if she just likes the attention... I don't know! Not even sure if I qualified for another date... time will tell.

samsung22

Well, glad to hear that you two finally met up and had an enjoyable night! From what you've said it seems to me that she's been hurt badly by guys in the past and is now very guarded with men as a result. My head is even wrecked from reading about her so God help you with her!

By the way, are you saying that you STILL haven't kissed her?? This is not good but maybe time will prove me wrong.
Best of luck with it anyway, sounds like you'll need it man!

dolliemix

datingAgain wrote: »

Hi guys,
Been a couple of weeks since I was on this thread! I finally got a date with her lastnight! Yes, it took this long - almost 3 weeks since I'd seen her face-to-face last!

In the few weeks since, I'd maintained contact, through facebook and texting, and called her once too... and she called me. But through a combination of the Xmas/New Year stuff and the awful weather, we never seemed to be in the same place at the same time, so it took till last night to finally meet again. Persistence paid off.!

Anyway, we met for a quiet drink and, despite her saying she didn't want a late one, we chatted for ages, and it was near 2am when I left her to a taxi. She looked great, clearly had made the effort.

But she's extremely tough work... hard to get close to her if ye know what I mean... so we didn't go beyond hand-holding, and a kiss on the cheek, despite me making it obvious I'd like a little more! She said she doesn't do "public displays of affection"! She said she really enjoyed my company, and had looked forward to the night, and enjoyed it, etc...

So I dunno... the jury is out. I don't know if she's just being very guarded, making me work, or if she's interested, or if she just likes the attention... I don't know! Not even sure if I qualified for another date... time will tell.

That is just mean!
OP she is a head wrecker. Give her one more chance and if she doesn't let you kiss her move on.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys, and I know what ye're saying. Yes, I think she's been messed around something rotten by guys in the past, and is pretty cynical towards us men in general! Yeah, not getting more than a kiss on the cheek is a bit head-wrecking, she's definitely making it tough and I do wonder would other lads put up with it!

But... I obviously did something right, I've asked her to dinner this coming weekend and she was delighted to accept. I'd be hoping for a bit more progress then... and as ye say... if not, then maybe it is time to leave it!

Gyalist

Look, the woman is not extremely tough to read, or a headwrecker. She is clearly interested, but there is a failure on your part to lead. The two of you are like two tango dancers trying to dance but with neither one wanting to lead. You're the man and it's your job to lead, so you'd better take the reins before she starts to lose interest.

So you've got a dinner date this weekend. Call her two days before to confirm the arrangements and tell her at the end of the call, just before you hang up, that you have a surprise for her. She'll try to find out but just laugh and tell her that it would no longer be a surprise if you told her. Being a woman, she'll start to build all sorts of fantasies in her head in anticipation of the surprise and the date. That's good!

Now for the surprise: when you meet for the date, put one arm behind your back and pretend that you are hiding something. Remind her of the surprise and tell her to close her eyes. When she does, give her a quick kiss on the lips! Don't forget to compliment her on how she looks as well. This has to be done immediately upon meeting to have maximum effectiveness. For bonus points, give her the crook of your arm to hold on to, especially if she's wearing high heels. Most women automatically link arms when you do this. The objective is for her to get used to your touch. It's also a good idea to go to another venue after the meal for a drink. In her mind it will count as two dates, and it also gives you the opportunity to sit next to her instead of across from her, and makes it easier for you to touch her in the course of conversation.

I've given you a small tactical nuclear device, use it well. I can guarantee that it works extremely well.:D

Sanjuro

Gyalist wrote: »

Look, the woman is not extremely tough to read, or a headwrecker. She is clearly interested, but there is a failure on your part to lead. The two of you are like two tango dancers trying to dance but with neither one wanting to lead. You're the man and it's your job to lead, so you'd better take the reins before she starts to lose interest.

So you've got a dinner date this weekend. Call her two days before to confirm the arrangements and tell her at the end of the call, just before you hang up, that you have a surprise for her. She'll try to find out but just laugh and tell her that it would no longer be a surprise if you told her. Being a woman, she'll start to build all sorts of fantasies in her head in anticipation of the surprise and the date. That's good!

Now for the surprise: when you meet for the date, put one arm behind your back and pretend that you are hiding something. Remind her of the surprise and tell her to close her eyes. When she does, give her a quick kiss on the lips! Don't forget to compliment her on how she looks as well. This has to be done immediately upon meeting to have maximum effectiveness. For bonus points, give her the crook of your arm to hold on to, especially if she's wearing high heels. Most women automatically link arms when you do this. The objective is for her to get used to your touch. It's also a good idea to go to another venue after the meal for a drink. In her mind it will count as two dates, and it also gives you the opportunity to sit next to her instead of across from her, and makes it easier for you to touch her in the course of conversation.

I've given you a small tactical nuclear device, use it well. I can guarantee that it works extremely well.:D

As much as I don't go for the usual 'date advice' crap, as mostly, it is, this actually seems like a pretty good idea. It seems, OP, at this stage, you're gonna have to do a little bit more than the usual to help this girl relax, and also to get things moving. This may actually work!

LegacyUser

Gyalist, thanks for the tips, sounds good... if a little brave!

I'm not so sure about telling her I have a surprise! She could be thinking all sorts of cool things and then I go and give her an unexpected kiss - it might ruin the tone of the evening?!

I did actually link arms with her the other night... she was in heels, it was frosty, so it was an ideal opportunity !

Gyalist

datingAgain wrote: »

Gyalist, thanks for the tips, sounds good... if a little brave!

I'm not so sure about telling her I have a surprise! She could be thinking all sorts of cool things and then I go and give her an unexpected kiss - it might ruin the tone of the evening?!

I did actually link arms with her the other night... she was in heels, it was frosty, so it was an ideal opportunity !

Say that you have a "little surprise" for her. Nothing wrong with her building up the idea of the surprise in her head. That is the effect that you want. Just a quick kiss on the lips (not a full on snog). That will set the tone for the evening as it is telling her that you find her sexually attractive. Compliment her on her appearance too, that is crucial. Nothing wildly over the top. "You look fantastic/amazing" should be enough. If she spent hours getting ready, she'll appreciate it that you noticed.

Do some reconnaissance and find a bar where you can get a measure of privacy and sit next to each other. Make sure that it is planned even if it appears spontaneous to her. Touch her occasionally, not in a sexual way. Touch her hand if she says something funny or if you're making a point, or brush back her hair if it falls over her eyes, play footsie under the table at dinner, that sort of thing.

No point both of you sitting around waiting for the other to make a move. Take the lead.

Trust me on this, I'm telling you things that have worked consistently for me. Hope it goes well for you.

Babooshka

datingAgain wrote: »

Gyalist, thanks for the tips, sounds good... if a little brave!

I'm not so sure about telling her I have a surprise! She could be thinking all sorts of cool things and then I go and give her an unexpected kiss - it might ruin the tone of the evening?!

I did actually link arms with her the other night... she was in heels, it was frosty, so it was an ideal opportunity !

I can see why you'd be a bit wary of that, even though it's good advice...it's all in the deliverance, and while some would laugh and giggle and it'd be a great ice breaker, to other nervous types it could be clumsy and awkward. From what I've read of your post she sounds like a nice girl who is very guarded (therefore making her sound like an ice queen which she probably is not considering she has gone out with you and answered your calls etc.) It sounds like she was messed about and is still in the "I'll never let another one do that to me agaon" type mindframe. I have to say, having been there and done that myself OP, and I'm a gurl....my advice to you is do nothing except be yourself. I mean apart from the nervous tension you are going through are you enjoying her company, is she fun to be with etc.?

I know initially it can be hard to tell until the dust settles but if there isn't a mutual attraction there anyway, you could stand on your head and it still wouldn't win you the girl, unless she's open to it and up for it too and fancies your good self. You sound like a nice guy so I hope it works out for you. I had loads of dates with guys that sound similar and to be very honest with you, until I was ready to trust people again, the bloke could have been handing me a porsche on the first date, and I still wouldn't be going there cos I wasn't ready for it.

As an aside to that, in relation to what you said earlier, I wouldn't mention anything about coming out of a long term relationship to a woman (or a man neither!!) on the first few dates, it is a turn off and you just really want to keep it to fun stuff. Good luck to you hope it works out...If you're not good enough for her as you are your real self...then she ain't worth all your worries.

LegacyUser

Babooshka wrote: »

I mean apart from the nervous tension you are going through are you enjoying her company, is she fun to be with etc.?

Yeah, she's great fun to be with, a real live-wire and very very chatty. In a way, I sometimes feel a little intimidated by her "life experiences"... e.g. I'm out of a very LTR, she's had numerous short-termers. She's traveled a lot, is involved with several clubs/societies, I haven't traveled quite as much, and I have far less things going on outside of work than she does. So we are quite different in terms of lifestyle and so on... but I find her interesting, a breath of fresh air!

As an aside to that, in relation to what you said earlier, I wouldn't mention anything about coming out of a long term relationship to a woman (or a man neither!!) on the first few dates, it is a turn off and you just really want to keep it to fun stuff.

Too late! I've already mentioned it, I haven't dwelt on it, but she is vaguely aware of my situation. That said, she hasn't been shy in talking about her ex's either... she talks about hers far more than I mention mine, which is a little off-putting I have to admit... I think she's still quite raw from the last guy to be honest.

Good luck to you hope it works out...If you're not good enough for her as you are your real self...then she ain't worth all your worries.

Thanks!

I've booked a restaurant... but I haven't told her the arrangements yet, will do tomorrow. I don't want to over-do the contact, etc... keep it a little cool

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
thought I should update ye on this! The dinner date went really well, don't think it could have gone much better! She loved the restaurant, great meal and free flowing chat. Went for some drinks after. She opened up a lot more to me, explained that she's enjoying the time with me but wants to take it slowly, not to rush things. But I do think she's keen, maybe not quite as much as I am on her, but she's admitted that attraction tends to build up for her rather than "instant"... If that makes sense.

Gyalist - I didn't quite make as dramatic a move as you suggested, but I did get my kiss. It was well worth the wait, and she responded to it well!

Anyway, I was well pleased, and we've kept in touch since, the chats are definitely more relaxed, now that we've shared a kiss! Probably meeting up again sometime during the week.

dolliemix

Thats brilliant OP. How exciting

Babooshka

datingAgain wrote: »

.,.........but I did get my kiss. It was well worth the wait, and she responded to it well!

Anyway, I was well pleased, and we've kept in touch since, the chats are definitely more relaxed, now that we've shared a kiss! Probably meeting up again sometime during the week.

Yayy Thrilled for ya. Well done. Now just enjoy it and take it handy. Best of luck there now.

Gyalist

Glad to hear that it went well for you. Always remember that it's about firm and decisive leadership on your part and not about trying to read signals.

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Just thought I'd come back here and update you all who were so helpful with the advice!

Over the last few weeks, we had several great dates, where the two of us really enjoyed each others company, having great laughs, etc... but both of us (particularly herself) were quite cautious about making any commitment - we were "seeing each other" or "dating", keeping it casual, that was going to be it for the time being...

Then I was away for a few days last week and while away I really missed her and I got the impression she felt likewise. Anyway, to cut a long story short, when I returned home we both decided to make things "official"... Awwwww

A happy story on here for a change!

samsung22

datingAgain wrote: »

Hi all,
Just thought I'd come back here and update you all who were so helpful with the advice!

Over the last few weeks, we had several great dates, where the two of us really enjoyed each others company, having great laughs, etc... but both of us (particularly herself) were quite cautious about making any commitment - we were "seeing each other" or "dating", keeping it casual, that was going to be it for the time being...

Then I was away for a few days last week and while away I really missed her and I got the impression she felt likewise. Anyway, to cut a long story short, when I returned home we both decided to make things "official"... Awwwww

A happy story on here for a change!

Thats the jawb man:):) Delighted for ya!

I was in a pretty similiar situation to yourself at the time I posted and I'm glad to say that myself and the girl I mentioned at the time are now "official" aswell and going strong:)

Young love eh!!!