Totally ****ed up relationship, I need to get out of this.

Need reasurance that im not mad. I know Iv to dump the fella as he is selfish and uncaring and never thinks of me. After 5 years together he wont even sleep in the same room, he says he cant sleep with me in the bed, When I asked what the plan was for new years he said I dont really give a ****.... nice reply.
We share a house and recently the other girl moved out, now he wants to move out and get a place for just the 2 of us, sure whats the point if we will be in seperate rooms and it will cost me more money.
Im trying to learn to drive and he wont even take me out in the car to practice, he just wants dinner handed up and He wont even let me watch my programmes on telly.
Im seriously thinking of letting him move out and then dumping him and getting on with my life instead of wasting my future with this selfish man

annon123

Hey,it sounds like you're very angry,and rightly so by the sounds of it,it seems to me like there's one of two things happening here... 1.your partner is too cowardly to break the relationship up himself and is trying to sabotage it in the hope you will eventually have enough and do the breaking off, or 2, there is some underlying issue with him you do not know about, either way i think you need to sit down.(When you feel calm and rational )and have a proper conversation to determine what exactly is going on with him. You also have to ask yourself,if the relationship is salvagable do you want to salvage it,and if you don't well then there is your answer. Best of luck

we'llallhavetea_old

leave him.

don't waste anymore of your time on this person, he doesnt seem to make you happy.

you can be out of the relationship, move on and find someone who treats you well and appreciates you.

you can do it!

cafecolour

From your description, he seems to think of you more of a live in servant than a girlfriend, and a bit of a control freak to boot. Not letting you watch your shows?

It sounds like you're ready to leave and find someone who feels more like creating an equal partnership.

Overheal

[quote=[Deleted User];63621745]Need reasurance that im not mad. I know Iv to dump the fella as he is selfish and uncaring and never thinks of me. After 5 years together he wont even sleep in the same room, he says he cant sleep with me in the bed, When I asked what the plan was for new years he said I dont really give a ****.... nice reply.
We share a house and recently the other girl moved out, now he wants to move out and get a place for just the 2 of us, sure whats the point if we will be in seperate rooms and it will cost me more money.
Im trying to learn to drive and he wont even take me out in the car to practice, he just wants dinner handed up and He wont even let me watch my programmes on telly.
Im seriously thinking of letting him move out and then dumping him and getting on with my life instead of wasting my future with this selfish man[/quote]
Ok.

So whats the Problem? What part of this do you need any advice with?

Peggypeg

Hey,

As the OP said in her OP what she needs is reassurance that she is not mad.

Hey OP,
You're not mad, your OH sounds selfish and cruel and emotionally unavailable. He sounds like he's looking for a live in servant. Get out of there NOW, he will wittle away your confidence and make you truly unhappy in the long run I'd say, if he's anything like the other people I've met who behave this way in a relationship.

You deserve to be cherished and loved, he's not doing that, get out and don't ever put up with a "relationship" like that again, you deserve to be treated with love and respect, that's what everyone deserves from a partner.

Listen to your heart, you know you need to walk,
Merry Christmas Sweetie,

Sanjuro

[quote=[Deleted User];63621745]
Im seriously thinking of letting him move out and then dumping him and getting on with my life instead of wasting my future with this selfish man[/quote]

I think you've made your decision right there. You won't regret it.

Im angry that iv wasted 5 years on him, when his mum passed I helped with the funeral, I loaned him money for his car which after a year he still hasnt payed back but taught it was perfectly fine to spend over 2000 on a watch for himself. He gives me little towards the shopping and although he drives I have to get a taxi home with the shopping, Iv told him on many occasions that If he didnt love me let me go, but he said he did, but the way he treatas me says otherwise.
The problem I have is breaking up with him, I cant do it while he lives here but I need to hear it from other people that what Im doing is the right decision, to dump him......

harps90

it most certainly is the right thing to do!!! i was in the same boat,but gathered up the courage and broke up. i asked him to leave and he would'nt so i moved out, 3 kids and all.i can't tell you how free i feel now and so much better about myself.its not going to change or get any better so why wait?
good luck.

Colonel_McCoy

whats the point being in a relationship, if you are not happy.........a relationship is meant to make you happy not miserable...time to move on I think.

Peggypeg

Hey Sweetie,

I know what you mean about wasting 5 years, try from the ages of 19 to 24, now that makes me sick, I spent my youth waiting on someone when I should have been out having fun.

Don't waste anymore time sweetie, seriously I don't want to make you feel bad but continuing to accept this treatment is pathetic, it really is, how dare he tell you he doesn't want to sleep with you, is he still expecting sex though? That is not good for you self-esteem at all. Going and getting all the shopping and he makes you get a taxi home? Buying a 2000 watch when he hasn't paid you back for the car loan? Come on sweetie, there's no way you can think it's ok to accept this treatment, I know this is Ireland but it's 2009, not 1950, you really need to expect more from a man than to be his slave.

I'm really not trying to make you feel bad, I'm really really not but if you don't expect more respect how will you ever get it?

With this guy I'd cut all your loses, forget the loan and anything else he owes you, just walk away from this one and cut all contact, he's toxic sweetie, he really is.

I broke up my partner of 5 years, 3 months later I found the love of my life (corny but true), I have never, not even for a second regretted my decision to leave, in fact my only regret is that I stayed 5 years.

Get out of there,

Best of luck sweetie

stackerman

[quote=[Deleted User];63621745]Need reasurance that im not mad. I know Iv to dump the fella as he is selfish and uncaring and never thinks of me. After 5 years together he wont even sleep in the same room, he says he cant sleep with me in the bed, When I asked what the plan was for new years he said I dont really give a ****.... nice reply.
We share a house and recently the other girl moved out, now he wants to move out and get a place for just the 2 of us, sure whats the point if we will be in seperate rooms and it will cost me more money.
Im trying to learn to drive and he wont even take me out in the car to practice, he just wants dinner handed up and He wont even let me watch my programmes on telly.
Im seriously thinking of letting him move out and then dumping him and getting on with my life instead of wasting my future with this selfish man[/quote]
Sounds to me like you know what is best for you and what you should do.
Move on and the best of luck with it, you would never be happy with someone like this.

RossFixxxed

If you lend someone money and never see them again it is money well spent!

Seriously, you aren't mad, you are clear on this. Tell him what to do with himself and get living your own life!!

miec

Yes you are right to dump him and right to feel angry at him but you also need to be careful of bitterness too, you didn't waste five years with him, you chose to spend that time with him, you have probably learned a lot in those five years so it is not a waste, the fact that you have bought shopping, cooked for him and done things whilst he treats you like **** is something you need to own, why did you allow him to treat you so badly and why do you have to wait until he moves out before you break it off?

LegacyUser

Hi OP

Don't bring this bloke & his bad attitude into another year with you....Make a stand for yourself and make strides in 2010 to be happier... think of all the growth you can experience without this weed holding you down.... make plans to get out of there to a new place, with new people and sign up for some course or something so the new you has something to focus on instead of thinking about him... i know its always easier for others to say 'do this...., do that...', but you already know the best thing to do. The fact you are looking for reassurance, means you've given this quite some thought already... Believe us all here, you will NOT be making a bad decision if you finish with this guy...

best of luck, be confident and believe better things are for you, once you take the leap!

pinkpigs

You have got to get out of there quick. There are plenly of nice men out there that will appreciate you and treat you better than that looser!

CDfm

OP - you are not mad.

Here is a checklist from a relationship checklist for guys meeting weird women and called that bitch . Dont be put off by the title just change it as appropriate and look at it with an open mind as you are the person who has found herself with the Prima Donna.

Read it with an open mind and see what the relationship might hold for you

http://www.venusthedarkside.com/PDF/DD.pdf

You have an ideal situation to get out of this situation with the move and to discuss it and the repayment of the money. etc.

Getting out of a bad relationship is like you have been brainwashed -when it is not about you but its about them.