Propose right now?

LegacyUser

Been with my girl two years, at the moment practically living together in all but name as I'm still in college and my parents finacnce me and wouldn't approve etc... I'm going on 21 and she's 23. Our lives are pretty much interwoven in other ways- same group of friends, spend most of our time together, similar (though not identical) interests.

Last summer I was abroad whilst talking everyday really realy missed her, we'd talked about spending the rest of our lives together so I walked into this shop and bought a gorgus ring. However a day later i freaked out, "you're only 20 goddammit", and returned it.

At the very end of the trip I came across another ring and bought it and had planned to propose on her birthday which came and went and am now thinking aboiut doing it New Years.

Why the urge you may ask? I've seen 5 people in my age group, who were known to my wider circle of friends (and one was a close aquaintance) buried in the past three weeks (4 unexpectedly). I keep thinking- how long do we all really have?

I'm sure I want to spend the rest of our lives together and want to make it official.

The only problems are a) financial concerns and b) my family. The ring I finally bought isn't exactly the nice single platinum dimond. It's basically a tiny band with encrusted diamonds that was just over 200... It seems like a crappy gesture and although I know it's only a symbol and she's not that materialistic I feel like a symbol of our immaturity in ways...

Also the fact that I'm potentially facing into a 6 year degree, means that it'll quite the lenghty engagement, most of which for I'll be relying on financial support from my folks. She may also be returing to education so god knows what the circumstances will be once the CAO comes out.

Also my parents aren't really the type i can tell about this, they're far from romantics and for a multitude of issues they wouldn't be supportive.

So I'm asking:
1. Is it pathetic to propose with a crappy symbol that you hope to replace in the future?
2. Is it silly to propose when you haven't an intention of marraige until you are qualified (potentially 6 years time!)?
3. Is it retarded to become engaged i.e. announcing your intnetion to be married, when you are unable to announce it to those closest to you?

Nevyn

Get a promise marker, doesn't have ot be a ring, a watch used to be the old symbol of it and make a promise to each other about working to wards a future together.
I think a really long engaugement may be hard to face and may upset people but I understand you wanting to express your comittment to her and a life together with her.
You can make a promise to do that and then propose later on closer to when you are free to marry.

LegacyUser

Why don't you give the ring to her to wear as a promise ring.....a sign of your commitment to your relationship, tell her how you feel bout her and how you hope you end up together. Maybe get the ring engraved or something......don't necessarily call it an engagement ring. As you yourself said, your at a stage where you don't exactly know where the future will take you both and you wouldn't be able to get married anytime soon.
So, just show her what she means to you and what you've been thinking I'm sure when you do want to really propose, you wanna be able to afford a ring that would make her hand hurt...it be that heavy and you wanna be able to have somewhere to live and start your life together and you want it to be at a point where both your families are truly supportive etc.
You don't need to ask someone to marry you to show them how you feel about them!

Wurly

Thaedydal wrote: »

Get a promise marker, doesn't have ot be a ring, a watch used to be the old symbol of it and make a promise to each other about working to wards a future together.
I think a really long engaugement may be hard to face and may upset people but I understand you wanting to express your comittment to her and a life together with her.
You can make a promise to do that and then propose later on closer to when you are free to marry.

+1

If you're sure you want to marry her, then it doesn't matter when you do it. But prob best to not do it at a stressful time. It sounds like you've a lot ahead of you.

An engagement is undoubtedly one of the most exciting times in anyone's life.. So you wanna be able to enjoy the experience properly. If you are meant to be, then nothing can drive you apart. So there's no rush.:)

Miss Fluff

Why don't you think about a handfasting ceremony next year? It's a great way of showing your commitement to one another (dependent on beliefs obviously) but I did it years ago, and renewed my vows and it was a really special thing to do. We were about your age at the time as well.

helimachoptor

Dont be rushing into anything!!!

If you love her and want to marry her thats fine, you dont have to do it now!
You're still young plenty of time to be together and have fun without marrying that person.

RealistSpy

Hi,

As everyone said don't rush into anything. You have only been together 2 years, and too be honest you are still young. Things change, when you start living together and sharing finances then things change.

I am like you but my partner is 25 and with a kid. I know where your coming from and that fuzzy feeling you having. Don't rush it settle down first trust me. People always say things like this but you never believe it, don't rush it.

I will go with the promise ring idea. Give us feed back.

Koushki

Propose Now? wrote: »

Been with my girl two years, at the moment practically living together in all but name as I'm still in college and my parents finacnce me and wouldn't approve etc... I'm going on 21 and she's 23. Our lives are pretty much interwoven in other ways- same group of friends, spend most of our time together, similar (though not identical) interests.

Last summer I was abroad whilst talking everyday really realy missed her, we'd talked about spending the rest of our lives together so I walked into this shop and bought a gorgus ring. However a day later i freaked out, "you're only 20 goddammit", and returned it.

At the very end of the trip I came across another ring and bought it and had planned to propose on her birthday which came and went and am now thinking aboiut doing it New Years.

Why the urge you may ask? I've seen 5 people in my age group, who were known to my wider circle of friends (and one was a close aquaintance) buried in the past three weeks (4 unexpectedly). I keep thinking- how long do we all really have?

I'm sure I want to spend the rest of our lives together and want to make it official.

The only problems are a) financial concerns and b) my family. The ring I finally bought isn't exactly the nice single platinum dimond. It's basically a tiny band with encrusted diamonds that was just over 200... It seems like a crappy gesture and although I know it's only a symbol and she's not that materialistic I feel like a symbol of our immaturity in ways...

Also the fact that I'm potentially facing into a 6 year degree, means that it'll quite the lenghty engagement, most of which for I'll be relying on financial support from my folks. She may also be returing to education so god knows what the circumstances will be once the CAO comes out.

Also my parents aren't really the type i can tell about this, they're far from romantics and for a multitude of issues they wouldn't be supportive.

So I'm asking:
1. Is it pathetic to propose with a crappy symbol that you hope to replace in the future?
2. Is it silly to propose when you haven't an intention of marraige until you are qualified (potentially 6 years time!)?
3. Is it retarded to become engaged i.e. announcing your intnetion to be married, when you are unable to announce it to those closest to you?

Thats one of the sweetest post ive seen.

If you feel like you will be together for the rest of your lifes, Why not?
I think it's wonderful you're so in love.
You are young but like you said, you never know how long you have in this life. you might aswel make the most of it.

To your questions:
1: It's not pathetic at all! doesnt matter how expensive the ring was or anything, its symbol of your love! the reason it's a ring is because its round, which means your love has no corners and is never ending (well thats what my mum told me ) which makes sense!
2: I don't think it's stupid. You could wait, but if you really want to tell her now why not?
3:no! go for it!

and good luck.

Chinafoot

Propose Now? wrote: »

Been with my girl two years, at the moment practically living together in all but name as I'm still in college and my parents finacnce me and wouldn't approve etc...

Thats a lovely post and I really don't want to be a downer but one thing to bear in mind is that "practically" living together is not the same as actually living together and all the changes and responsibilities that entails. I'm a great advocate of living together before any major commitment due to the 'make or break' nature of co-habiting. Just something to bear in mind.

You are still young but if you are happy to make the commitment to get engaged then its nobody's place to tell you otherwise. The alternative suggestion of a promise ring is also a great idea if you are unsure.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

fend

Koushki wrote: »

Thats one of the sweetest post ive seen.

+1

quickbeam

I'd vote for getting engaged. Engagement isn't "till death do us part" and can be as long or as short as it needs to be until you are ready to commit.

The promise ring is a bit of a cop-out in my opinion - instead of just getting engaged and promising to marry her, you'd be promising to promise to marry her.

As for the ring, if she's not materialistic then it won't matter that it's cheap - rings shouldn't be about getting the most expensive one available, they should be about what they symbolise. If she really would like a more expensive ring that could be got further down the line while still being engaged.

If you do get engaged I don't see why it would be a problem telling your family though.

Pooh-bah

Answer to one..no its not about the ring thats a superficial thing it's about what it symbolises..ie how much you love each other. The long engagement would cancel out the worries you had about being so young getting married. It's nice to have a secret see what she says first.

Gyalist

Hiding something so important from your parents while still expecting to suckle from their teat is a terrible idea.

Sure it seems romantic, and it's not surprising that the women who have responded so far have remarked upon how sweet and romantic your post is, but romance does not put food on the table.

NOVICE-REFURB

Koushki wrote: »

Thats one of the sweetest post ive seen.

If you feel like you will be together for the rest of your lifes, Why not?
I think it's wonderful you're so in love.
You are young but like you said, you never know how long you have in this life. you might aswel make the most of it.

To your questions:
1: It's not pathetic at all! doesnt matter how expensive the ring was or anything, its symbol of your love! the reason it's a ring is because its round, which means your love has no corners and is never ending (well thats what my mum told me ) which makes sense!
2: I don't think it's stupid. You could wait, but if you really want to tell her now why not?
3:no! go for it!

and good luck.

Right Buddy, I CAN ANSWER THIS, Tell her, do it, if you dont you'll regret it !! and discuss between you how you will tell ur closest pal & family

About 2 months ago , i was about to do the same, I mean i would have climbed mountains for this girl, then --- I decided to have an aul chat with the aul man ( he is very wise and I still see his point, but he thought i was young and foolish) basically, i told me , that i was up the wall about this girl ( I knew in my heart of hearts he was not or my entire family were not going to accept her ) - he put what an offer on the table of which i knew was coming, because i have worked my ass off for it for years for nothing, and basically said, i can make a choice, I picked the offer - and man do i regret it!!! like you have no idea!!! i see her everyday, and I am broken inside, she was the greatest thing to ever happen to me, made my world, and i basically ****ed it up with not having the bottle to confront those clossest to me.


LOOK , everyone says that there are plenty more fish in the sea, ( maybe) -- DO IT, YOU'LL ONLY REGRET IT IF YOU DONT !!!

BEST OF LUCK PAL