do the rules change if your ex was your best friend?

LegacyUser

my ex was my best friend and what i would call a true companion and this realization is dawning on me more and more, we are back in contact now and things are grand, no awkwardness ect. In fact were so good friends it sort of eliminates the awkwardness.

I do want us to remain friends but i dont want us to fall out in the long run, im just wondering have many of you been in this situation, not in touch with a ex i mean but with a person you genuinely connected with?

lilirish

The rules don't change but you have to be 100% sure of where you and he stand in terms of your feelings for each other. If there is any indication that either of you wants to get back together with the other then it wont work and wont be healthy for either of you.

How long has it been since you broke up?

My ex was also my best friend, we broke up amicabally and worked really hard at staying friends and succeded. In the end though he got a new gf and she didn't like me and gave him an ultimatum. But he didn't have the balls to stand up to her so I got the heave ho. My point is it can work but there will always be the underlying emotions that you too were romantically involved to disrupte things.

Good luck.

Miss Fluff

It's a tough one tbh as chances are there will be one party who harbours hope of a reconciliation so the whole "best friends" thing is under false pretences for one of the people usually.

Monkey61

I know I post about this all the time (must make the ex start posting this instead so I don't seem like a freaky evangelist of friendships with exes) - but my ex is my best friend. We were best friends throughout our four year relationship and still are now. We text/call every day and see each other every week.

We really believe that we are platonic soulmates and will be tied together forever. Both of us are with new people and she hangs out with me and my girlfriend all the time. My girlfriend has even asked her for advice about our relationship the odd time. (Weird I know...but it just seems normal) We know eachother better than anyone else in the world, love each other deeply and have loads in common - so for us there is no question that we will be close forever.

It was a bit rocky at the start because we broke up and were still living together for 6 months - but the night that she went out and stayed with a friend so that I could have my new girlfriend over for dinner for the first time; I knew that our friendship was deeper than I ever imagined and just meant to be.

LegacyUser

lilirish wrote: »

The rules don't change but you have to be 100% sure of where you and he stand in terms of your feelings for each other. If there is any indication that either of you wants to get back together with the other then it wont work and wont be healthy for either of you.

How long has it been since you broke up?

My ex was also my best friend, we broke up amicabally and worked really hard at staying friends and succeded. In the end though he got a new gf and she didn't like me and gave him an ultimatum. But he didn't have the balls to stand up to her so I got the heave ho. My point is it can work but there will always be the underlying emotions that you too were romantically involved to disrupte things.

Good luck.

well if one of us does get another partner im not sure how id feel continuing contact thats my point really, and your experience could easily happen.

BraziliaNZ

most people think their other half is their best friend, and believe it even more so when they break up and are heartbroken. When some new Romeo is wooing you and you're not thinking about the ex at all, we'll see who your best friend is then k?

hollis12

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

most people think their other half is their best friend, and believe it even more so when they break up and are heartbroken. When some new Romeo is wooing you and you're not thinking about the ex at all, we'll see who your best friend is then k?

thats a very negative outlook on it

BraziliaNZ

hollis12 wrote: »

thats a very negative realistic outlook on it

fyp!

LegacyUser

hollis12 wrote: »

thats a very negative outlook on it

yea i have to agree, do you think everyone is as fickle as to fall for the charms of a new suitor and completely forget the friendship they have cultivated with someone ex or not?

i am certainly not as there as been other girls since and i certainly haven't forgotten my ex, i havent really been best friends with a partner before, and i certainly am not heartbroken so your far off the mark.

sam34

i'm one of these people who managed it.

i was with my ex for the guts of 5 years. our break up was entirely amicable, we just drifted apart. there was no acrimony, no third party, no bitterness.

it's over 5 years since we broke up.

we are great friends to this day. i dont use the term "best friend" as i think it's a bit teenage-girl-ish, but he is one of my closest friends.

both of us have had relationships since, and that hasnt dented our friendship.

there is absolutely no desire on either part to get back together.

what we have is just friendship - a deep, respectful, mature friendship.

i realise that we are very very lucky to be able to say that.

i think that for that situation to develop, the relationship needs to end amicably and neither person can harbour secret notions of getting back together.

Wibbs

sam34 wrote: »

i think that for that situation to develop, the relationship needs to end amicably and neither person can harbour secret notions of getting back together.

+1. I've seen it work. Well too. Being the reductive git I am I did note certain patterns. They were all relationships that were well past 4 or 5 years(or it was under 2 or 3 months). They ended amicably, basically as the romantic/sexual side just disappeared and they were actually friends. the latter the biggy. Or they were a couple when very young, hadnt seen each other in years and then met up, with no sexual attraction remaining. I've never met a couple that became or stayed good mates where the majority of those frameworks weren't in place

If it was say a two year thing and it ended with one still hoping for more/carrying a torch or there is a heavy connection there, I'd put money it would go sour and one or both will be hurt.

LegacyUser

well wibbs i will say i am defiantly holding a torch for her (no innuendo intended) so the worry is there in case it gets stronger.

Wibbs

That puts a different flavour on it IMHO. Now Ive known men and women who through some notion of nobility try to make this work even when they have those feelings. I say feck that. Too much like masochism to me. Its delaying your healing too. I'd reduce contact if I were you anyway.

beauty101

Me + my ex were the exact same

We went out for around 2 years but we broke up + it was very amicable. We have ups + downs but never anything major. I'm happy to still be his friend and couldn't dream of a life without him in it.

"I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."

LegacyUser

hey well to tell the truth the thing that bothers me the most is the circumstances of the break up, i was dumped during hard times but during the good times we got on great, like friends so maybe i just want closure on the break up.

jellie

will you ever be able to see her as just a friend? if the answer is no, which it seems to be, then cut the contact or youll never get over her.

i know i could never be JUST friends with my ex which is why, regardless of how well we get on and how much i miss him and how much id LOVE to be friends with him, we dont talk anymore. its the only way to move on.

LegacyUser

it was a weird relationship were we were very close friends so im quite confused about it