am i meant to be a mind reader?

LegacyUser

ok so ive been seeing a guy for 3 months, he is just out of a relationship and we talk alot about where we are at and how were feeling. thing is we were not meant to be exclusive. things werent working out with his ex and she was his first and he felt he wanted to play the field a bit which is fair enough especially when things werent 100% with the ex.

ok so in the last few weeks we have become a lot closer. but always if i was heading out without him he'd say feel free to be with someone, as we arent actually in a relationship. i have never been with anyone as i actually really like this guy and want to start something with him but only when hes ready as i dont want half his heart being in it if you get me. but over the weekend i was with someone and i nearly wasnt going to tell him about as i actually felt really bad about it, it felt like i cheated! so i told him anyway and he said he was ok with it and then threw the curve ball that he actually doesnt want to be with anyone else that hes really happy with how things are progressing with us. hes been all quiet all day and i finally almost blew a gasket at him and he told me he was really hurt that id been with someone.
about 2 days previous i asked him if it felt to him like we were in a relationship and he only kinda half answered the question and then threw it at me that i asked him that and then went and shifted someone when i finaly got it out of him what was bothering him.
im so confused now. like he was the one who didnt want to commit originally and i was ok with that but saying that if he had commited to something more serious id have been over the moon. but its been 3 months of waiting for him to get his head in order, and he finally decides the one time im with someone else that ya he wants to be with me.
i feel bad enough about being with the other person and now i feel worse cos it could just have jeopardised any relationship i could have had with him.
although in my heart i think he'll get over it but has he a right to be annoyed at me? i technically havent cheated on him and its not like i slept with the person, it was a kiss and that was all.

any advise from anyone on his reaction? i understand hes hurt and he has a right to be but i feel he has no right to be thick with me cos i did what he told me to do! ok he hasnt been with anyone but me but when we started seeing each other he was still with his now ex but please dont judge me on that as ive judged myself enough on it.

Wurly

To be brutally honest..... he may not be over his ex...

Irregardless, he's being a total head f*ck. Leave him to think and let him come to you. Don't be so available to him and see what happens. Kinda sounds like he doesn't know what he wants.

3 months is a long time for no answers tbh.

LegacyUser

Trí wrote: »

To be brutally honest..... he may not be over his ex...

Irregardless, he's being a total head f*ck. Leave him to think and let him come to you. Don't be so available to him and see what happens. Kinda sounds like he doesn't know what he wants.

3 months is a long time for no answers tbh.

i dont think he is over his ex but i just wish he'd stop changing his mind. like all this talk of him not wanting to be with anyone else only came about after i told him i was with someone else.

it has never been an issue before now. like i think we act like gf/bf at times more so when were alone but not always. ive never had a problem with keeping it easy and not making a commitment, even though id like it, i never wanted to push him on it as i think he does need more time to get over her. and i didnt want only half of him! i want all of him!

it would be so much easier if we could just keep away from each other but we just cant. hes like a drug to me and its the same for him! if only life was easy!

kenbrady

advise needed! wrote: »

hes like a drug to me and its the same for him! if only life was easy!

His life is easy.
You're not like a drug to him, you're easy, available sex. He's only making an issue out of the kissing someone else because he thinks he might loose the sex. He obviously knows you want him as a boyfriend and is playing games with you, saying he's hurt when you kissed someone else, to string you along and keep you under his control.

You were with this guy when he had a girlfriend and you've been hanging around for 3 months is the hope that he will start to be your boyfriend. Have some self respect, walk away, everyone deserves better than that.

Eve_Dublin

OP you have to sit down and be honest with yourself and as Ken says, keep your dignity intact. Is this guy treating you fairly and do you honestly think there's a chance you guys will get together? 3 months is a very long time for you to have hung around already. I ldon't know many people who'd have the patience with someone who has no idea what they want and is basically acting quite selfishly.

You say this guy is like a drug...I know myself in the past that if I described a guy in those terms, it ALWAYS ended in tears and in hindsight, it was only lust and nothing more. A kind of temporary irrational obsession. Is this guy acting like the kind of person you'd want to have a relationship with?

Read back on your post....what advice would you give yourself?