What do women want? Serious confusion

How Soon Is Now

Ok let me try this again...

I am confused with how women i have met treated me.
Everything would start out well get know each other i would just be myself and they would tell me really liked me wanted get know me better were really into me so on.
Then you just get dropped i dont understand this its confusing me as to what is wrong here.

I mean i taught most women wanted someone decent someone they can trust and who dont just want sex? I dont try and go out my way pleasing people i am who i am and i happen to think i am a decent down to earth bloke.

I know ok fair enough i aint met right girl yet but how are u meant to meet right person when you never seem to get a chance?

Does anyone else see where i am coming from here ?

Kimia

I got through about your first 3 sentances OP until I gave up - seriously - what are you doing posting general questions about women???? Why don't you post about YOUR problem maybe?

Simple answer. Some girls won't like you and will be 'cold' or whatever. It's the exact same when you reverse genders - men are head wreckers too.

Just don't accept it - if a girl does that to you, move on. And again, NO IT'S NOT ALL WOMEN - just the women you've met so far.

LegacyUser

Stop trying to be what you think women want you to be.

How Soon Is Now

Kimia wrote: »

I got through about your first 3 sentances OP until I gave up - seriously - what are you doing posting general questions about women???? Why don't you post about YOUR problem maybe?

Simple answer. Some girls won't like you and will be 'cold' or whatever. It's the exact same when you reverse genders - men are head wreckers too.

Just don't accept it - if a girl does that to you, move on. And again, NO IT'S NOT ALL WOMEN - just the women you've met so far.

Listen i didnt say it was all women i even put that in my post and that is my problem everything i wrote down there is my problem my problem is i am confused to what women actually want and what i am meant to be doing cause i dont get it i cant just be finding the wrong ones constantly there has to be some sort of reason?

ash23

guys do all the same stuff mentioned above.
Some people just won't fall for you or be sexually attracted to you. Some will still be hung up on an ex. Some will be crazy. Some will be lovely but you won't be attracted to them.

What do women want? Same thing men do! Someone they are sexually attracted to, who keeps them interested without being a sh1t, who has their own life but makes enough time for them etc etc etc.........

One mans trash is anothers treasure and there are things that I would dislike that another girl would love.

It's quite simple OP, you just haven't met the right person yet. Not what you want to hear but thats what it is.

Kimia

sigh. You are confused as to what women want. Surely you should be confused as to what women you are meeting want?

Whatever. Look, you know you're talking sh*te. You're not going to change yourself to make some random women happy. Just be yourself, and stop asking ridiculous rhetorical questions that noone can answer.

How Soon Is Now

Kimia wrote: »

sigh. You are confused as to what women want. Surely you should be confused as to what women you are meeting want?

Whatever. Look, you know you're talking sh*te. You're not going to change yourself to make some random women happy. Just be yourself, and stop asking ridiculous rhetorical questions that noone can answer.

Ok so....

Wasnt trying to be stupid or a prick or label women here i am just confused thats all i dunno.

How Soon Is Now

unr wrote: »

Stop trying to be what you think women want you to be.

I aint though i always be meself i wouldn change unless it was to better meself.

ash23

angerfist2009 wrote: »

I aint though i always be meself i wouldn change unless it was to better meself.

Look, we all have bad runs where we get a series of let downs. I've met some serious fu*kwits and if it happens in quick succession it can lead to a bit of a pity party. But you have to get over it and just chalk it down to them not being a right fit for you.

I could meet a guy who would be no good for me but perfect for someone else. You can't be going around thinking that women do sh1t like that all the time. Just the ones you've been with lately.

Stop obsessing about what you need to do. Answer - nothing. Just get out there and when one doesn't fit, try another. And another. Thats the way it goes. You don't want to settle for someone so why should the women you've been dating. You werent right for them, they moved on. You'd do the same if the roles were reversed. But you wouldn't beat yourself up over it and berate yourself for it.

Gyalist

angerfist2009 wrote: »

I aint though i always be meself i wouldn change unless it was to better meself.

Well you could start by making an effort to write standard English.

I have to correct one glaring misconception that you have though. Women want sex, and lots of it too. They only say the opposite because if they really admitted it they know that they would be judged (by both men and other women).

Kimia

Gyalist, judging from your other posts, this may come as a major surprise to you, but not all women are the same.

Victor

Kimia, this isn't your thread, stop hogging it.

How Soon Is Now

ash23 wrote: »

Look, we all have bad runs where we get a series of let downs. I've met some serious fu*kwits and if it happens in quick succession it can lead to a bit of a pity party. But you have to get over it and just chalk it down to them not being a right fit for you.

I could meet a guy who would be no good for me but perfect for someone else. You can't be going around thinking that women do sh1t like that all the time. Just the ones you've been with lately.

Stop obsessing about what you need to do. Answer - nothing. Just get out there and when one doesn't fit, try another. And another. Thats the way it goes. You don't want to settle for someone so why should the women you've been dating. You werent right for them, they moved on. You'd do the same if the roles were reversed. But you wouldn't beat yourself up over it and berate yourself for it.

Ok thanks for the replys i know i couldn really word what i was trying to say in the thread but sure thanks for at least trying to be some what decent in replys lol

Ya i know your right in what you said its just hard to figure out why women i have met some of them really made it clear to me that they were really into me i mean they fully opened up to me but then i dunno just dropped it and gave me silly excuses or none at all.

Thats all i dont understand i am on a bad run last couple years with relationships everything that can go wrong is at times
Just gets me down at times cause i dunno weather im doing something wrong or i just keep meeting the wrong people.

Anyway thanks for reply again and sorry if i worded everything arse ways lol i aint great at explaining meself in text.

kittenkiller

angerfist2009 wrote: »

I aint though i always be meself i wouldn change unless it was to better meself.

I usually go for a guy with good grammar and an attitude/name that doesn't make me think I'm about to be hit square in the face!

Why don't you ask some of the women you've been out with for some pointers or advice?
There has to be at least one that you can still talk to?!
Ask yourself what *you're* looking for in a relationship and compare that to what you presume the girls you're seeing are looking for?
You might find out that you're looking for the same things and that it was just a personality clash that stopped things from progressing or you might find out that subconsciously you were coming across as too clingy or too aloof.

TBH, I don't think the internet can help you too much in this type of situation.

Ps. the guy who posted that all women want is lots of sex they're just too ashamed to admit it, you need help and lots of it!

Warfi

angerfist2009 wrote: »

I mean i taught most women wanted someone decent someone they can trust and who dont just want sex? I dont try and go out my way pleasing people i am who i am and i happen to think i am a decent down to earth bloke.

/quote]

You think you're a decent down to earth bloke. Good for you. So why are you worrying about what your ex girlfriends think? I agree with ash23, it sounds like you haven't met the right person, so there's no need to go around thinking that you've to change the way you treat women.

Gyalist

kittenkiller wrote: »

Ps. the guy who posted that all women want is lots of sex they're just too ashamed to admit it, you need help and lots of it!

Should I assume that you need help with reading comprehension? I certainly did not say that all women want is lots of sex.

How Soon Is Now

I know what ya mean ya but ah i dunno sometimes u question yourself when things dont go right and try to find the answer to the problem.

Warfi

angerfist2009 wrote: »

Warfi wrote: »

I know what ya mean ya but ah i dunno sometimes u question yourself when things dont go right and try to find the answer to the problem.

There's no harm in looking at something to see if you can fix it, but there's also no point in beating yourself up when things don't work out. Maybe take a break from the dating scene for a while? You'll find that you'll discover what YOU want

How Soon Is Now

I know what i want just finding it is not that simple ya know .

Warfi

angerfist2009 wrote: »

I know what i want just finding it is not that simple ya know .

Listen buddy, you're talking to the queen of 'I know what I want but can't get it' tribe . I feel your pain. I find talking it through and realising how lucky I am lessens it a bit though

How Soon Is Now

Warfi wrote: »

Listen buddy, you're talking to the queen of 'I know what I want but can't get it' tribe . I feel your pain. I find talking it through and realising how lucky I am lessens it a bit though

lol guess so ya

It can be hard to talk to me female mates at times they always say same stuff to me that o your a great guy all them girls dont deserve you stuff like that. I know there being nice and trying make me feel better but i dunno what to do with that kinda advice when someone just tells you your great its them !! How are you meant to know whos for real and whos not then ?

Warfi

angerfist2009 wrote: »

lol guess so ya

It can be hard to talk to me female mates at times they always say same stuff to me that o your a great guy all them girls dont deserve you stuff like that. I know there being nice and trying make me feel better but i dunno what to do with that kinda advice when someone just tells you your great its them !! How are you meant to know whos for real and whos not then ?

I think they have Made in China stamped on them somewhere

No one can answer that question for you. You find out through trial and error who's for real and who isn't. Some people are lucky in that they find someone without going through too many trials. Personally, I believe that some of it is down to meeting someone who's on the same page as you. There's no point in having a relationship with someone who wants to sow their wild seeds when all you can think about is starting a family (for example). Maybe the girls you've met weren't on the same page as you, or weren't in the same mindset

How Soon Is Now

Warfi wrote: »

I think they have Made in China stamped on them somewhere

No one can answer that question for you. You find out through trial and error who's for real and who isn't. Some people are lucky in that they find someone without going through too many trials. Personally, I believe that some of it is down to meeting someone who's on the same page as you. There's no point in having a relationship with someone who wants to sow their wild seeds when all you can think about is starting a family (for example). Maybe the girls you've met weren't on the same page as you, or weren't in the same mindset

Maybe and end day thats fine i have no problem with that but its the fact they pretty much told me and made it clear they wanted same things as i did and that i had good head on my shoulders went for right things.

Its just things like that has me so confused ya know why get someones hopes up and lead them on then just drop them? Its not like its a once off thing either i experienced similar a good few times. And these are type of girls who make a point of wanting to find someone who aint a waster and a player makes no sense why they do what they do so.

Warfi

angerfist2009 wrote: »

Maybe and end day thats fine i have no problem with that but its the fact they pretty much told me and made it clear they wanted same things as i did and that i had good head on my shoulders went for right things.

Its just things like that has me so confused ya know why get someones hopes up and lead them on then just drop them? Its not like its a once off thing either i experience similar a good few times.

Well going by your posts, there doesn't seem to be any reason for them to let you go. Have you talked to your male friends about this? Maybe ask them why they think it doesn't last? You might hear some things you don't want to hear, but you'll have to take it on board.
Relationships can be affected by an endless amount of variables. Having a successful relationship with the opposite sex sometimes isn't as easy as some people make it look, so don't beat yourself up becasue some relationships didn't work out. As another poster said, you're probably just having a bad run, happens to us all. Roll with it, you'll come out the other end at some stage

Kimia

Victor wrote: »

Kimia, this isn't your thread, stop hogging it.

Didn't think I was! Certainly wasn't my intention so sorry if it seemed like that. It just gets my back up when sweeping generalisations are used and I'm not the only one to comment on them.

OP - as I said before, the main thing is to continue being yourself and confidence is very attractive in a man so don't go questioning yourself too much.

How Soon Is Now

Warfi wrote: »

Well going by your posts, there doesn't seem to be any reason for them to let you go. Have you talked to your male friends about this? Maybe ask them why they think it doesn't last? You might hear some things you don't want to hear, but you'll have to take it on board.
Relationships can be affected by an endless amount of variables. Having a successful relationship with the opposite sex sometimes isn't as easy as some people make it look, so don't beat yourself up becasue some relationships didn't work out. As another poster said, you're probably just having a bad run, happens to us all. Roll with it, you'll come out the other end at some stage

Most me best mates are fellas i talk to them about everything they know i have had some really rough crazy relationships and met some girls lately that things also turned out arseways with.

They all said same thing that i should forget about these girls and i was to nice and bit crazy to put up with some things i did in first place *One my exs was on heavy drugs and i still stuck by her tried help her and she dumped me one day out the blue refuses talk to me*

So really my situation is i aint one these social weirdo type guys i have plenty decent mates i can talk to women usually no problems there i get on well with them i just seem to keep finding ones that aint right for me.
And i guess i am to nice at times and i let them away with things but its only cause i try and over look things if i can so might make life easyer and less trouble.

I dont like gettin stressed out and fussing about things but everything going on last few years between me and women is starting to really bother me i just want to find someone whos right for me.

How Soon Is Now

Kimia wrote: »

Didn't think I was! Certainly wasn't my intention so sorry if it seemed like that. It just gets my back up when sweeping generalisations are used and I'm not the only one to comment on them.

OP - as I said before, the main thing is to continue being yourself and confidence is very attractive in a man so don't go questioning yourself too much.

Kimia im sorry if i made things look to generalisted in my original post i was just making examples i know not all women are the same.
Only reason i am questioning meself is cause i have been threw alot of crazy stuff with women and i dunno what is going wrong and why it keeps happening i dont know what more i can do i do me best.
I am usually a confident person when its needed it just gets to you when you do your best and yet continue to get knocked back for no real reason.

Kimia

Well I think you sound like a nice bloke (except for the scary name ) so just take this for what it is - a run of bad luck. Don't give up!

How Soon Is Now

I aint gonna give up cause i do really want to find someone right for me it would be great would make my life even better.

lol my name on here is the name of a dutch hardcore dj funny people seem to think i am violent or have a anger problem cause of it lol

extrinzic

My advice to you, stop choosing girls that you believe will need you. If you are looking for a life partner, choosing somebody who has issues is probably not the best idea. Somebody who has drug problems, for example, will have underlying issues that contributed to their drug problem. If this person overcomes their drug problem, you may be the rock upon which the person depends. However, once they have dealt with the behaviour that made them so vulnerable, they will revel in their new found independence, and cut out the support structures that they secretly despise, i.e. you. When they gain control back, they cannot stand to be at the mercy of the whims of others. Independence is their only solace. Also, the underlying issues that led to the drug problem are probably still there, that is, issues that cause a complete disregard for the point of view of others, and the well being of others. If you want to meet somebody you can share your life with, just make sure they aren’t using you. This means, being prepared to listen to your instinct and walk away if you know they are using you. If you find that, more often than not, you are the one who is left out in the cold; it is because you have let somebody into your house, given them a key, and slept in the dog house.

Eve_Dublin

extrinzic wrote: »

My advice to you, stop choosing girls that you believe will need you. If you are looking for a life partner, choosing somebody who has issues is probably not the best idea. Somebody who has drug problems, for example, will have underlying issues that contributed to their drug problem. If this person overcomes their drug problem, you may be the rock upon which the person depends. However, once they have dealt with the behaviour that made them so vulnerable, they will revel in their new found independence, and cut out the support structures that they secretly despise, i.e. you. When they gain control back, they cannot stand to be at the mercy of the whims of others. Independence is their only solace. Also, the underlying issues that led to the drug problem are probably still there, that is, issues that cause a complete disregard for the point of view of others, and the well being of others. If you want to meet somebody you can share your life with, just make sure they aren’t using you. This means, being prepared to listen to your instinct and walk away if you know they are using you. If you find that, more often than not, you are the one who is left out in the cold; it is because you have let somebody into your house, given them a key, and slept in the dog house.

Yikes!!

Hey Entrinzic, no offense intended but do you think it's wise to be giving others advice when you've just had your heart broken?
I don't mean to cause you any offense but haven't you basically given a synopsis of what happened to you (you spoke about it in another post)? This is a very personal experience. This is not a common occurrence but so-called "love" can often be selfish or at least what we mistake for love...true love isn't like this.

OP I think you'll become better at spotting the time wasters over the genuine cases the more you encounter them. You just have to be strong enough and have enough dignity to walk away instead of being a sucker for a pretty face or a sweet line or whatever. The single life is infinitely preferable over a relationship with a head-wreaker who doesn't know what they want. There's a lot of them around, male and female, and you have to find a pattern in these people to spot the signs to run away from.

One tip: learn to love being single and enjoy your own company so you won't make the mistake of dating any auld eejit.

extrinzic

Fair enough. No harm intended.

How Soon Is Now

Thanks for all the advice

I guess its like most things you wont know its good and right for you till it happens.

Eve_Dublin

extrinzic wrote: »

Fair enough. No harm intended.

I didn't mean to have a go at you. Was half joking. You're speaking from your perspective right now and that's fair enough. I know myself that a broken heart can make you temporarily bitter. I look around at my close friends, my sister and her husband, my dad and my step-mam and they've all met the loves of their lives. Love DOES exist but you can't find that kind of love with any old person. Patience OP, patience.

LegacyUser

I spotted this on another thread (by Dragan) and thought it applies here.

Women want a man. A real man they can respect. Someone who is thoughtful and considerate, but not a walkover.

the epitome of manliness is representing yourself how you choose to, and being largely unapologetic about it.

extrinzic

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I didn't mean to have a go at you...

No offence taken.

SheRa

Thats a load of baloney that a real man is largely unapologetic. Life is about compromise and if any of us, male or female went around like that id imagine that our other halves would tell us to feck off pretty damn quick.

Kimia

SheRa wrote: »

Thats a load of baloney that a real man is largely unapologetic. Life is about compromise and if any of us, male or female went around like that id imagine that our other halves would tell us to feck off pretty damn quick.

I kinda like the quote and I'd be inclined to agree. I would interpret it as 'this is me, like me for who I am or f*ck off'.

But I also see where you're coming from - you also need to compromise in any relationship. But in teh context that this is meant - this quote is spot on imo. Noone should have to morph and change their personality to suit someone else.

LegacyUser

SheRa wrote: »

Thats a load of baloney that a real man is largely unapologetic. Life is about compromise and if any of us, male or female went around like that id imagine that our other halves would tell us to feck off pretty damn quick.

Largely unapologetic about *who he is*. Big difference.

Its absolutely nothing to do with compromise etc. It doesnt mean you cant recognise that theres room for improvement and personal development.

You can compromise without being a doormat.

SheRa

Cant quote properly on my phone but to the above poster, that is absolutely true.

Wibbs

unr wrote: »

Largely unapologetic about *who he is*. Big difference.

Its absolutely nothing to do with compromise etc. It doesnt mean you cant recognise that theres room for improvement and personal development.

You can compromise without being a doormat.

+1. Far too many men go to one extreme or the other, most usually the "yes dear" approach though. The dictatorial approach is equally useless, though IMHO and IME that extreme will get you far further than doormat, especially with younger women, but that's a whole other thread.

Wompa1

kittenkiller wrote: »

I usually go for a guy with good grammar and an attitude/name that doesn't make me think I'm about to be hit square in the face!

Why don't you ask some of the women you've been out with for some pointers or advice?
There has to be at least one that you can still talk to?!
Ask yourself what *you're* looking for in a relationship and compare that to what you presume the girls you're seeing are looking for?
You might find out that you're looking for the same things and that it was just a personality clash that stopped things from progressing or you might find out that subconsciously you were coming across as too clingy or too aloof.

TBH, I don't think the internet can help you too much in this type of situation.

Ps. the guy who posted that all women want is lots of sex they're just too ashamed to admit it, you need help and lots of it!

In the face?..ahhhh...I see :-P