heart feels closed

LegacyUser

I've always been an emotionally closed off person inside,i can appear ok outside and by words but inside i'm just i guess numb. I met this girl few weeks,she's wonderful in every way and twice we've tried to have sex and twice i can not get hard/semi hard.

I had an operation as a child which involved invasive touching of genitals and mentally i've carried that around with me til now (mid 20's) but it's fine. I tell the partner it takes time and trust to feel comfort and once i feel ok it's fine.

My problem is after yesterday the second time,i just felt dead inside,i couldn't talk for about 20mins afterwards or look her in the eye. She thought it was about her and my silence in it's stupidity didn't help anything. Outwardly She seemed ok afterwards as did i but both a little down over it.

Logically/rationally i know i shouldn't let this make me feel cold to her but i do and i dunno how to get passed it. I spent the last few days with her which were great and had intended to see her after christmas but am thinking of seeing her if possible on wednesday. If it goes longer it would get worse i just hope i don't feel completely cold to her when i see her,i need a spark.

I know it's all probably wrapped up in the male ego and sex being important part of it etc i just dunno what to do

kenbrady

abvcdefghijf wrote: »

i just dunno what to do

Go to your doctor and tell him the problem and get him to prescribe viagra.
You have a problem and viagra was invented to cure that problem.
After a few months of good quality viagra fueled sex you won't need the drug, as you will feel more confident and comfortable with sex.

It's that simple, one visit to your doctor and problem solved, don't make it into a bigger issue than it is.

ash23

It's not physical, it's psychological. Imo, you'd be better off attending a therapist/sex therapist to help you get over the issues you have in relation to the operations as a child.

kenbrady

ash23 wrote: »

It's not physical, it's psychological. Imo, you'd be better off attending a therapist/sex therapist to help you get over the issues you have in relation to the operations as a child.

Yes it's psychological, but it is causing a physical problem.
The Viagra will cure the physical problem which will make him feel better, less emotionally closed off, which will cure the psychological problem.
So it's months/years in therapy or doctor and instant fix.

opinion guy

kenbrayd and ash i didn't realise ye were a doctor and a psychologist respectively! do ya think we can stop diagnosing him and giving him medical advice over the net ?;)

First thing - Ken is right go see a doctor as the first port of call. however he is wrong in saying that viagra is a solution regardless of the cause (in fact if the operation he had affected the bloodflow in the region taking viagra could be dangerous without first being examined). Fact is this problem could be medical and related to the operation, OR it could be psychological. You will need to speak to a doctor who will take a proper history, do an examination and make a diagnosis. Then and only then will you be prescribed something, sent to a councillor or to see some other specialist. But point is - you need to rule out a physical or medical cause first and foremost

Second thing - did you explain to the girl about the operation ? I think maybe you should tell her there's something medical going on and that you are going to see a doctor about it. In the mean time....hmmmm explore other ways to please her/you ?!?!:D

kenbrady

opinion guy wrote: »

First thing - Ken is right go see a doctor as the first port of call. however he is wrong in saying that viagra is a solution regardless of the cause (in fact if the operation he had affected the bloodflow in the region taking viagra could be dangerous without first being examined). Fact is this problem could be medical and related to the operation, OR it could be psychological. You will need to speak to a doctor who will take a proper history, do an examination and make a diagnosis. Then and only then will you be prescribed something, sent to a councillor or to see some other specialist. But point is - you need to rule out a physical or medical cause first and foremost

read the post

abvcdefghijf wrote: »

I tell the partner it takes time and trust to feel comfort and once i feel ok it's fine.

The Recliner

We don't do Medical advice on this site

Let the doctor do the diagnosing and perscribing please

cafecolour

kenbrady wrote: »

Yes it's psychological, but it is causing a physical problem.
The Viagra will cure the physical problem which will make him feel better, less emotionally closed off, which will cure the psychological problem.

Viagra doesn't always work if it's a psychological issue. I've experienced this first hand unfortunately - you're brain can often override it. However, there's certainly no harm in trying.

OP, have you told this partner that you often have these issues? I too can sometimes have trouble in bed if I don't feel comfortable with someone. I've taken to telling potential partners that ahead of time, which is difficult - sex if often expected in the outset in my situation - but it's my best way.

I'd tell her quite explicitly "I'm sorry, this often happens with me when I start a new relationship. As I get more comfortable, the problem goes away." And then maybe lay off the sex for a while, and just stay above the belt. Otherwise she's going to assume you're just not interested.

Talking to her about the problem will also be the first step in opening up emotionally to her and becoming more comfortable with her.