speech impediment

punches

hi all,

I have a speech impediment - it seems to be hereditary as my bro and some cousins have one also.
It was bad as kid but better as an adult.
It was not an issue as an adult up until about a year ago.
It seems to have coincided with the fact that a few things happened in my life which shook my confidence - well this is my perception anyway.

I am changing careers and so the following are times when it seems to become a problem of late:

- when explaining to people what I am at now.
- in interviews - had one yesterday and my speech was really bad. I was so astonished as it is usually not a problem. But I think it is bad now because they were asking me why I am changing careers and I find this hard to word never mind articulate and then say (with or without stuttering). In my previous career I was v competent and so could talk for ever about my area of work - perhaps this is why I found it so easy to talk with out stuttering - where as now, I am unsure of myself and so this seems to bring on my speech impediment. Just a theory.

So my point it - I think I will also have a speech impediment as it is in my genes but its prevalence seems to be "emotionally" related as in - when I am lacking confidence - I stutter a lot.

What are your thoughts on this? Can any one relate to this? Maybe I am looking into this too much - I just dont know...

And just to let off steam - I hate that I have this affliction - it has inhibited my life in many ways - I think I would be a v different and happier person with out it. So thanks Mr. Gene for giving me this

thanks in advance

Esel

I think stressful situations generally make a stutter worse/more apparent.

Paul4As

Punches...I didn't really have significant issues with my stammer up until I was 25-ish!!! I was able to hide it at university, in school and in the few jobs I'd done...my stammer was visibly/audibly mild to the person I was talking to!!!
When I got my first proper job in a career linked to my degree...in a small busy consultancy where I couldn't change words or couldn't move words around in sentences without looking like an eejit....that is when I realised I had to do something about my speech!!!
Changing words, moving words around, holding back when I wanted to say something but was too afraid to incase I stammered...I couldn't let it go on forever!!! To me doing all these things was like stammering anyway...I wasn't saying exactly what I wanted to say, when I wanted to say it!!!
My own opinion is...issues with stammers need to be confronted head-on!!! You may have a bad period in your speech for say 2 or 3 months...things improve of their own accord...your confidence is back...a year down the line you move jobs, something happens in your personal life...it affects your speech again for 2 or 3 months...maybe more this time!!! Until you sort it out once and for all through therapy and support from other stammerers...it's like a ticking timebomb that can go off anytime!!!
My advice is you join a stammering support group in your area...and also look for a therapy course run by qualified speech therapists!!!
A point to remember is...no one cares about your stammer besides yourself!!! An interviewer is more interested in what you say than how you say it!!! I stammered on purpose in my last job interview...and I got the job!!!
Stammering will not hold you back...but your attitude towards your stammer will!!!

Paul4As

Punches...another thing...talk to people about your stammer...tell them how you feel about it!!! Talk to your brother or sister...best mate/s...mum or dad...aunt or uncle!!! Speak to your bro who has the stammer as well...or one of your cousins who stammers!!!...if you already don't do so!!!

punches

Paul4As wrote: »

Punches...I didn't really have significant issues with my stammer up until I was 25-ish!!! I was able to hide it at university, in school and in the few jobs I'd done...my stammer was visibly/audibly mild to the person I was talking to!!!
When I got my first proper job in a career linked to my degree...in a small busy consultancy where I couldn't change words or couldn't move words around in sentences without looking like an eejit....that is when I realised I had to do something about my speech!!!
Changing words, moving words around, holding back when I wanted to say something but was too afraid to incase I stammered...I couldn't let it go on forever!!! To me doing all these things was like stammering anyway...I wasn't saying exactly what I wanted to say, when I wanted to say it!!!
My own opinion is...issues with stammers need to be confronted head-on!!! You may have a bad period in your speech for say 2 or 3 months...things improve of their own accord...your confidence is back...a year down the line you move jobs, something happens in your personal life...it affects your speech again for 2 or 3 months...maybe more this time!!! Until you sort it out once and for all through therapy and support from other stammerers...it's like a ticking timebomb that can go off anytime!!!
My advice is you join a stammering support group in your area...and also look for a therapy course run by qualified speech therapists!!!
A point to remember is...no one cares about your stammer besides yourself!!! An interviewer is more interested in what you say than how you say it!!! I stammered on purpose in my last job interview...and I got the job!!!
Stammering will not hold you back...but your attitude towards your stammer will!!!

thanks for your reply.
So have you yourself sought help? What is your situation now.

You have made me see this problem in a different light - see it in a different way.. its like when ever I am vunerable my speech imped. raises is ugly head - same as -ve thinking etc. Interesting. So would you not think I need to work on my confidence as oppose to my speech impediement - or do I face up to the fact that I will always have it and so need to know how to handle it? Or both?

As regards help, i had therapy as a child - not sure if it helped.
I have started looking for help - privately is v expensive and not sure if I am prepared to go down that road.
What is the help like through the HSE?
Anyone ever done those programmes? McGuire?
PS - I have never looked into this before so I am a bit clueless.
But I think I am lowered my standards enough in life due to this and I have had enough of it.
As regards talking to people about - I have mentioned it to my bro and some mates.. not sure what difference it makes.

Thanks. Apologied for my bluntness.

Paul4As

I seeked help with my GP in Belfast…although he couldn’t help me as my stammer wasn’t too bad to him…only people with severe stammers were being referred for therapy….and there was a 3 month waiting list anyway!!! My doctor told me to come back in a few months’ time if I still felt I needed help.
With no help from the NHS I decided to attend the Belfast Stammering Self-Help Group…there I met people who stammered who were comfortable talking about the issue and who had themselves been through therapy…whether it be through the health service or privately. It definitely did lift a good bit of the burden off my shoulders…I knew I wasn’t alone!!! Some of the stammerers at the group were able to give me first-hand reports on residential therapy courses they’d been on. One of the courses they recommended…the Patmar Course for Adults who Stammer…I went on in September 2004. It was a week long residential course in Co. Sligo ran through the HSE…therapy and accommodation costs were free for southerners, but me being from the north I had to pay accommodation costs which where something like £350 for 9 nights B&B and evening meals.
I had one of the best weeks of my life there…I learned tools to help me say the words I wanted to say, when I wanted to say them!!! I began to show my stammer more…desensitize to stammering…not let it emotionally affect me as much. The aim of the course was to accept you have stammer…allow you to control your stammer, as to it controlling you…and so to get on with live with the attitude “yes I have a stammer, but it ain’t gonna hold me back anymore!!!”
When I came off the course I was talking openly to everyone about stammering…something which I never did. I now see stammering as part of me…I’m always gonna have a stammer…so I have to manage it the best way possible…by joking about it at times…showing it in controlled ways (voluntary stammering – stammering on purpose)…by attending the Belfast Self-Help Group (which I now run)….by not letting it get me down as it used to!!!
As I’ve said earlier in the thread…no one cares that you stammer. Only time they will is when they see you being uncomfortable about it!!!
You can work on your confidence to help with your stammer yes…but even when I’m confident I can still have blocks in my speech. Just because someone stammers doesn’t mean they are lacking in confidence!!! If 100% confidence meant 100% fluency…then speech therapists would have a very easy job with adult stammerers.
I faced up to the fact I am always gonna have a stammer…even before therapy I just wanted to be happy again…whether I continued to stammer or was completely cured after therapy, it didn’t matter!!!
For help through the HSE…you are best contacting the Irish Stammering Association…their website is www.stammeringireland.ie. There you will also get info on self-help groups!!!
If you live in the Dublin area the HSE run a good course called DAS which is similar to Patmar.
The Irish Stammering Association run intensive residential courses as well.
The Patmar Course I was on…it has stopped…although one of the qualified speech therapists who ran it has now set up his own residential week long course in Mullingar. PM me if you are interested…private therapy is not allowed to be advertised on this forum!!!
McGuire I have never been on…costs over 1000 euro I think for 3 days…that is just for therapy, does not include your accommodation!!! The people who I know who have been on it…I have heard mixed reports!!!
Talking about problems like stammering does help…especially talking to stammerers attending self-help groups!!! Hence besides contacting the Irish Stammering Association you should make an effort to attend a self-help group!!!
Forget about the stigma attached to the word “therapy” or attached to “self-help groups”…get some help and support!!! You are not alone with the hurdle of stammering!!!

punches

Paul4As wrote: »

I seeked help with my GP in Belfast…although he couldn’t help me as my stammer wasn’t too bad to him…only people with severe stammers were being referred for therapy….and there was a 3 month waiting list anyway!!! My doctor told me to come back in a few months’ time if I still felt I needed help.
With no help from the NHS I decided to attend the Belfast Stammering Self-Help Group…there I met people who stammered who were comfortable talking about the issue and who had themselves been through therapy…whether it be through the health service or privately. It definitely did lift a good bit of the burden off my shoulders…I knew I wasn’t alone!!! Some of the stammerers at the group were able to give me first-hand reports on residential therapy courses they’d been on. One of the courses they recommended…the Patmar Course for Adults who Stammer…I went on in September 2004. It was a week long residential course in Co. Sligo ran through the HSE…therapy and accommodation costs were free for southerners, but me being from the north I had to pay accommodation costs which where something like £350 for 9 nights B&B and evening meals.
I had one of the best weeks of my life there…I learned tools to help me say the words I wanted to say, when I wanted to say them!!! I began to show my stammer more…desensitize to stammering…not let it emotionally affect me as much. The aim of the course was to accept you have stammer…allow you to control your stammer, as to it controlling you…and so to get on with live with the attitude “yes I have a stammer, but it ain’t gonna hold me back anymore!!!”
When I came off the course I was talking openly to everyone about stammering…something which I never did. I now see stammering as part of me…I’m always gonna have a stammer…so I have to manage it the best way possible…by joking about it at times…showing it in controlled ways (voluntary stammering – stammering on purpose)…by attending the Belfast Self-Help Group (which I now run)….by not letting it get me down as it used to!!!
As I’ve said earlier in the thread…no one cares that you stammer. Only time they will is when they see you being uncomfortable about it!!!
You can work on your confidence to help with your stammer yes…but even when I’m confident I can still have blocks in my speech. Just because someone stammers doesn’t mean they are lacking in confidence!!! If 100% confidence meant 100% fluency…then speech therapists would have a very easy job with adult stammerers.
I faced up to the fact I am always gonna have a stammer…even before therapy I just wanted to be happy again…whether I continued to stammer or was completely cured after therapy, it didn’t matter!!!
For help through the HSE…you are best contacting the Irish Stammering Association…their website is www.stammeringireland.ie. There you will also get info on self-help groups!!!
If you live in the Dublin area the HSE run a good course called DAS which is similar to Patmar.
The Irish Stammering Association run intensive residential courses as well.
The Patmar Course I was on…it has stopped…although one of the qualified speech therapists who ran it has now set up his own residential week long course in Mullingar. PM me if you are interested…private therapy is not allowed to be advertised on this forum!!!
McGuire I have never been on…costs over 1000 euro I think for 3 days…that is just for therapy, does not include your accommodation!!! The people who I know who have been on it…I have heard mixed reports!!!
Talking about problems like stammering does help…especially talking to stammerers attending self-help groups!!! Hence besides contacting the Irish Stammering Association you should make an effort to attend a self-help group!!!
Forget about the stigma attached to the word “therapy” or attached to “self-help groups”…get some help and support!!! You are not alone with the hurdle of stammering!!!

Thanks a mill. Hmm from reading your thread and if I was to take your advice I must say that I would have a long way to go. I am not in the mind frame of even having a speech impediment - kind of denial - non acceptance. But thats mostly cos it has not been an issue for years. I did not need to worry about it.
In my last job I had to talk on the phone loads and make presentations and I could do it without stuttering at all really.
But now I am out of my comfort zone and that seems to run parallel with the emergence if my SI again. But I am not ready to accept it. Also, in my new line of work. having and SI would not be good and one needs to have exceptional communication skills. Mind you that I do not think it would be an issue while on the job - but it is in the training as I stutter when under the spot light.
Arhhh.. we'll see - I will look in to therapy anyway. Privete or HSE. New year and all that. Thanks for all the info.

Paul4As

Good communication skills I believe are largely based on what you actually say...not always on how you say it....fluent or with a stammer!
Politicians are never direct with what they say...they waffle...hence the listener (me!!!) often drifts off to sleep!
Unless you're on the TV presenting the news say, then stammering shouldn't be an issue in any job!!! I know stammering teachers, doctors, politicians, engineers (me!!), ministers in church...my mate says the boss of his security firm (with I'd guess 50 staff or more) has a very apparent stammer!!!
Where there is a will...there is a way!!!
I have people who come to my self-help group who choose to not confront their stammer...they think that is the best option for them at that present time!!! I'm one for saying that person knows what is best for themselves!!!
Best of luck to you Punches!!! Least you know there is help out there if ever you need it!!!

pog it

Hi there. I was on here a few months back with my own story and advice and I don't want to repeat it in full but basically I had a speech problem up to age 23 but cured myself of it- it was never that bad, but it did make me make decisions that if I hadn't had a speech problem, I wouldn't have made and definitely do not let it stop you going for something you want.

Just want to suggest breathing exercises.. perhaps google general breathing techniques that calm the body and head and apply those when you are feeling stressed.

Also, and this will be different to all but I was in the same boat as you- and still am to a little extent- so I can only offer my thoughts (Like you I find that if I'm stressed that is when my speech problem resurfaces. It's only the odd time but still it shakes me up a little. Otherwise my speech is fluent). I would say that spending time thinking about this problem adds to the problem. When I was coming on here a bit my speech problem was back in my head, so I now don't use this forum. Self protection. But I'm cured, so I'm not going to do anything that could potentially jeopardise that.

So see if the breathing exercises work, overall let yourself chill out and unwind and work on being calm and upbeat and not worrying about the problem too much.

The very best of luck in your new career! You'll do it

punches

Hey all , up date so far...

well I did that interview and I have been offered the job.
However I had a chat with my tutor about it and she suggested I see a psychotherapist...

I guess the reason she suggested this is because she seems to think that there is a deep rooted reason why I stammer when put on the stop as oppose to in general conversation.

Any thoughts on this?

And I would agree with her - for some they would never know I had a stammer - but ask me to read something in a class setting - arhhh - awful.

Mitt055

Congratulations Punches on being offered the job. This success is a boost for self esteem.

Your post reminded me of an article I read recently in the Daily Mail about the Education Secretary in Britain. He also has great difficulty in reading from a script so he memorizes all his speeches. See here.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1245453/Schools-secretary-Ed-Balls-reveals-stammer.html

In my opinion (and opinion varies widely on this), an experienced psychotherapist could put you on a track that could assist you greatly. It may not have a direct impact on your stammer but could resolve matters that are preventing you from tackling the issue more directly at present.

I don't imagine that you will find a cure for this on your own - nobody has - but speaking to a psychotherapist may give you the impetus you need just right now to get going. And once you start on the journey, you may find it a fascinating one with many twists and turns.

punches

thanks thats interesting.

bmagee

Hi Punches, the Patmar course Paul mentioned was run by Patrick Kelly. Patrick is now running these courses independently and details can be found on www.patrickkellystammering.com I did the course and it was a life-changing event for me.

steamengine

punches wrote: »

Hey all , up date so far...

well I did that interview and I have been offered the job.
However I had a chat with my tutor about it and she suggested I see a psychotherapist...

I guess the reason she suggested this is because she seems to think that there is a deep rooted reason why I stammer when put on the stop as oppose to in general conversation.

Any thoughts on this?

And I would agree with her - for some they would never know I had a stammer - but ask me to read something in a class setting - arhhh - awful.

Hi Punches,

I would suggest that this is the norm for a person who stammers. One of the things that used to puzzle me about stammering was how it didn't occur if you were, for example, practising reading on your own. The pressure of speaking in the company of other people is a contributory factor in stammering.

What I would suggest is you don't shy away from these uncomfortable situations - face them head on with a determination to get to the end of exactly what you want to say. What should happen is that the discomfort should get less after a while, as confidence grows.

Elsewhere you mention the Maguire course - I have no direct experience but I do remember when it came out first it was heralded as being a big breakthrough as regards definite positive results. Sounds like a good idea.

Also look on the positive side, general conversation is no problem - that's a good point to kick off from.

Good luck with everything !!!

DublinWriter

I don't claim to be an expert by any means, but one of the best singers I ever played with in a band was a chronic stammerer.

He didn't have any problems with the stammer when he was singing, he put it all down to breath-control. I've seen a couple of programmes in the UK that deal successfully with stammering based on this technique.

Best of luck with it OP.

pog it

The Maguire program focusses a lot on breath control. Seriously for my brother it made a massive difference and he is getting better all the time. His problem is slowly disappearing.

I think in any stressful situation, breathe in, breathe out.. it helps loads Sounds simplistic but it works. I read somewhere that proper breathing can solve/prevent a lot of illnesses/affections/diseases, srl.

punches

hi all, just to update..


well, as i said before, i started a new course a few months ago and my speech seemed to be awful. As bad as when I was a child. I was looking into getting help etc but it never happened.

however, now I am well into the course - and one day we all had to make a presentation. I told my tutor I would not as she was totally ok with that. However i was not, so instead of making the presentation I got up and told that class about my speech impediment. Ok they all knew about it but some were surprised as I chat away to them in class.

Anyway I didn't do that presentation but i have done a few presentations recently. I guess I felt I could as I just felt more relaxed in the class as I got to know people.
I did stammer a bit, but to quote someone else, "it felt ok to stammer".

I think the reason I started stammering so bad was because it is just a natural reaction for me.. stammering becomes an issue with people i do not know and in situations where i anticipate I will stammer.

It is all subconscious - I do not think i will change - it will always be there. But I am learning to give less of a dam about it and not see myself as a stammer.. the less I seem to care about it the less I stammer.

So perhaps I just need to not worry about it...

Funny isn't it...

Can anyone relate to this?

Stephen P

punches wrote: »

.. stammering becomes an issue with people i do not know and in situations where i anticipate I will stammer...

You hit the nail on the head there! As the saying goes "first impressions count", if you're meeting someone for the first time you're going to be thinking to yourself that you want to make a good impression on this person. By trying to hold the stammer back you'll become anxious or nervous and then the stammer becomes more apparent and that makes you feel worse. It's a vicious circle. When I meet someone for the first time a small piece of me wants to hide my stammer and use all the tricks in the book just so I don't stammer. But then my stammer comes out anyway and I just stammer away, I do try to use my speech tools I learned in therapy (voluntary stammering).
By telling the class you stammer is a big step in dealing with the emotional side of stammering, it's out there now, everyone knows. You should feel now that you don't have to hide it that you can stammer if you're going to.
Don't beat yourself up over it, life is too short!

Best of luck and please keep us all updated!

pog it

Good on you punches, that's the way forward. Delighted for you.