Anyone have any hilarious jokes?

skaterdude

Most of the jokes i hear make me cringe anyone have any realllllllly reallllly good ones?

arybvtcw0eolkf

No.

A baby seal walked into a club.

zonEEE

Why did the chicken cross the road?

globalte

Cannot wait to get the **** out of this joke of a country.

These bastards rip off motorists, moving goal posts all the time, with a stupid test that is just a pain in the arse, now Ive to do it every year? Will they halve the price? Hell no.
Then we have VRT, TAX , Insurance. The pricks are effectivley forcing people to buy disposable cars, cars that are sub 2l , plastic, 5* NCAP, and look like ****e, while scrapping anything thats decent.

Then you cycle into town on their joke of cycle lanes, lock your bike praying some ****face scumbag who is on temp release or a suspended sentance for his 1,400th conviction, because we dont have enough prison spaces, doesnt rob the bike or your house while your gone. Get ****ing ripped off in the shops, have to dodge the numerous illegal bums in the street, trafficked here to beg. Then you get knocked down on the way home, and die on the floor of a piss soaked hospital floor because the ****ing Public service are on strike and there isnt a doctor to save your life or a bed to die in.


**** off you pack of incompetant lazy corrupt bastards.


****ERS




Oh and the reason I cycle is because the city has been so badly planned and public transport so underfunded in the boom times(humm public transport or a poxy spire or a dirty clock in the liffey??? rite ted who needs public transport?) that the only way to get the 4miles into town in 20mins is by bike. Well done you poxy ****ing government, I know who i wont be voting for, None of you scaldy bastards, Yer all lying bastards.

Ebbs

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=22

Go watch Frankie Boyle for cringy jokes, or Jimmy Carr for nice one liners.

Youtube is your friend.

CCCP^

What do gay horses eat?


HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY*

*Gay voice

globalte

globalte wrote: »

Cannot wait to get the **** out of this joke of a country.

These bastards rip off motorists, moving goal posts all the time, with a stupid test that is just a pain in the arse, now Ive to do it every year? Will they halve the price? Hell no.
Then we have VRT, TAX , Insurance. The pricks are effectivley forcing people to buy disposable cars, cars that are sub 2l , plastic, 5* NCAP, and look like ****e, while scrapping anything thats decent.

Then you cycle into town on their joke of cycle lanes, lock your bike praying some ****face scumbag who is on temp release or a suspended sentance for his 1,400th conviction, because we dont have enough prison spaces, doesnt rob the bike or your house while your gone. Get ****ing ripped off in the shops, have to dodge the numerous illegal bums in the street, trafficked here to beg. Then you get knocked down on the way home, and die on the floor of a piss soaked hospital floor because the ****ing Public service are on strike and there isnt a doctor to save your life or a bed to die in.


**** off you pack of incompetant lazy corrupt bastards.


****ERS




Oh and the reason I cycle is because the city has been so badly planned and public transport so underfunded in the boom times(humm public transport or a poxy spire or a dirty clock in the liffey??? rite ted who needs public transport?) that the only way to get the 4miles into town in 20mins is by bike. Well done you poxy ****ing government, I know who i wont be voting for, None of you scaldy bastards, Yer all lying bastards.

Either wrong thread or no punch-line :rolleyes:

Insect Overlord

FAIL thread delivers...

Elliemental

A guy walks into a bar....

.....he said `ouch`.
:rolleyes:

globalte

what did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall???


























Dam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ebbs

Elliemental wrote: »

A guy walks into a bar....

.....he said `ouch`.
:rolleyes:

A Dyslexic walks into a bra :pac:

arybvtcw0eolkf

Q; what do you call a fly without any wings?.

A; a walk.

Wacker

skaterdude wrote: »

Most of the jokes i hear make me cringe anyone have any realllllllly reallllly good ones?

Your life.:pac:

Agonist

A dwarf walks into a lesbian bar...
He gets a box in the face and a clit around the ear.

poisonated

Deleted User wrote: »

Either wrong thread or no punch-line :rolleyes:

ha yeah I did't find it a particuraly funny joke either


what is brown and sticky?

a brown stick

copypasta.

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"

KnifeWRENCH

Mein Hund hat keine Nase.
Wie riecht er?
Schrecklich.

G-Money

Ian Paisley is in a coma and wakes up after about 10 years. One of the DUP lads is there and he's like "Ian, great, you're finally awake"

All very happy about it.

Ian asks the DUP guy what's happened during the time he's been in a coma and the DUP guy says so much has happened that he doesn't know where to start.

Then the DUP guy says: "Ok, but Ian, before I tell you anything, I've got good news and bad news"

Ian: "No problem, go on ahead".

DUP Guy: "Ok, well the good news is that Glentoran beat Linfield"

Ian: "ok, what's the bad news?"

DUP Guy: "The score was 2-15 to 1-8"

GiftofGab

What's the difference between jam and marmalade?










You can't marmalade your cock up a girls ass.

RoyalMarine

why dont tinkers go for smear tests?

have you ever tried to open a toasted cheese sandwich

mikom

skaterdude wrote: »

Most of the jokes i hear make me cringe

Sorry to disappoint.
We will of course give you a full refund of your subscription fee.........................

G-Money

RoyalMarineComm wrote: »

why dont tinkers go for smear tests?

have you ever tried to open a toasted cheese sandwich

Throwing out the sandwich toaster now...

Ebbs

grandmaster wrote: »

Ian Paisley is in a coma and wakes up after about 10 years. One of the DUP lads is there and he's like "Ian, great, you're finally awake"

All very happy about it.

Ian asks the DUP guy what's happened during the time he's been in a coma and the DUP guy says so much has happened that he doesn't know where to start.

Then the DUP guy says: "Ok, but Ian, before I tell you anything, I've got good news and bad news"

Ian: "No problem, go on ahead".

DUP Guy: "Ok, well the good news is that Glentoran beat Linfield"

Ian: "ok, what's the bad news?"

DUP Guy: "The score was 2-15 to 1-8"

Should it not be Linfield beating Glentoran

4zn76tysfajdxp

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=22