what to do?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Since i was 14/15 my mothers partners son (step-brother) has been relentless in trying to get me to sleep with him. I was quite an innocent niave teenager and we ended up sleeping together once, i hated it. I cant stand to be in the same room as him. He makes my skin crawl. He used to text me constantly looking for sex. I havent told anybody i feel so ashamed. So anyway he is in prison at the moment for having sexual relations with a 16 year old. Everyone in my family sees this as a massive injustice as he was only 20 at the time, i havent been in to see him, and people are starting to question this.

I dont know really why i am writing this, it has screwed up my view on relationships and men totally. I've had relationships break up because of the lack of trust and frankly i just feel angry at the whole male race. I know that everyone isnt the same but i cant help my feelings.

I am scared to talk to anyone because i fear no one will believe me, everyone loves him even after going to prison.

I'm sorry for the long winded post.
Thanks if you took the time to read it.

Peggypeg

Hey Sweetie,

The court case yesterday in Listowel (or Ballygobackwards as it should be called) when all the men in the village went up to hug and shake the hand of the guy who was convicted of sexually assaulting a 22 year old has me hating men too at the moment. But, men are not all monsters, we just hear about the monsters coz they make good news, you're not likely to see a news piece on a nice guy are you?

You need to get yourself into counselling to figure out how to get past this so you'll be able to form healthy relationships.

I wouldn't tell anyone what happened between you and him, I'll probably get shouted at for saying that but I think it would just invite people to judge and speculate and that's the last thing you need. He's in prison and so can't get near you. If anyone asks why you haven't visited just say "ah I'm going to, just really busy at the moment" and then just repeat again and again, if anyone gets demanding tell them you're afraid to go into a prison.

The next thing I would do is get a job, move out and generally become independent so you never have to be around him again. If he calls to your door tell him you think he's a scumbag and he makes your skin crawl then slam the door in his face.

Big hugs sweetie.

Barracudaincork

In Ireland its 17.

Kimia

Why don't you just tell your mum that he's a pervy scumbag whose tried it on with you numerous times and that you don't want to see him anymore since he's not related to you?

And then ignore him forever.

Kimia

sunflower27 wrote: »

I'd imagine because that isnt something you can say to your parents and they'll just say 'ah, fair enough'.

I don't mean to belittle the OP's situation or make it out to be less than it was.

But it's better than saying nothing and having her parents say over and over again how nice this guy is. They shouldn't be forcing them to be sibling-ly (if that makes sense!) when this guy has been perving on her for years.

And sometimes it's easier to slip something through than to make a massive deal out of it (not saying it's not a massive deal but in this case it may be easier for the OP to talk about it this way)

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

The court case yesterday in Listowel (or Ballygobackwards as it should be called) when all the men in the village went up to hug and shake the hand of the guy who was convicted of sexually assaulting a 22 year old has me hating men too at the moment.

I know this is a bit OT, but that's a bit harsh, isn't it? We're not ALL like that.

batmanbaby

I'm not sure if I can ask your age here OP but are you over the age of consent. Did you actually consent? If not then you need to tell someone an adult you need to make sure you are not in the same house as him again, If however you are older and did consent but regret it then you still need to move out but you can do this on your own.
You should really talk about this to a counceller all men are not evil even if it feels that way now and you need to realise this and move on with your life. Don't let your family pressure you into seeing this man again. Do you trust your mother enought to tell her?

Dragan

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey Sweetie,

The court case yesterday in Listowel (or Ballygobackwards as it should be called) when all the men in the village went up to hug and shake the hand of the guy who was convicted of sexually assaulting a 22 year old has me hating men too at the moment.

It wasn't all the men in the village, it was a tiny portion of the male population of the area.

Facts are fun.

Liam Byrne

Peggypeg wrote: »

The court case yesterday in Listowel (or Ballygobackwards as it should be called) when all the men in the village went up to hug and shake the hand of the guy who was convicted of sexually assaulting a 22 year old has me hating men too at the moment.

Sorry, but I have to challenge this! And hopefully it's sufficiently on-topic because it might reassure the OP that there are lots of decent men out there.

Peggypeg - two points :

The case caused outrage last week when dozens of people queued in court to shake hands with the woman's attacker, Danny Foley, aged 35 and from Listowel, before he was given a seven-year sentence.

Source: http://www.rte.ie/news/2009/1221/listowel.html

1) it wasn't only men that went up
2) it certainly wasn't "all the men in the village", for a number of reasons:
- there were men on the jury that unanimously declared him guilty
- Listowel is a town, so even a few dozen misguided people is well short of "all" of either sex in a population of 4338

OP, you need to tell someone, even if it's only the Samaritans.

And at least him being in jail means that he's not around you.

I presume you deleted the texts in disgust ? It's a pity, as they would probably support your stance if you had to tell the family.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

tenchi-fan

OP, If you were 14 it was still illegal regardless of whether he was the same age as you or older.

People can have relationship problems with men for all sorts or reasons and they can usually trace it back to their childhood (abusive father, step father, etc.) and the least helpful thing anyone can say is "why are you bringing this up now, it's all in the past, get over it" because it's so dismissive.

I think you should go for counselling. Talking about it with someone sympathetic will help & they will be able to give you some tips on how to get on with your life and improve your relationships with men.