Friends, Going Out, or nothing?

ImDave

Hey,

Bit of a predicament here. Basically I am really in love with a girl I've known for about a year now. We kissed a few times before becoming friends, and were seeing each other for a while. Back about five/six months ago I asked would she go out with me but she said she didn't want a boyfriend. Now, I probably should have had the sense to walk away from the situation there, but because we had become such close friends I couldn't do it to myself. She has been out of the country the past few months but we have stayed in really close contact (as in talking for at least an hour every single day!), and I also went out to visit her for a few days. She is coming home now though and we will be around each other a lot. The thing is, I don't think I can handle just being friends with her, as seeing her with other people will really really hurt me.

So, what I am trying to figure out is, which one would hurt more, being friends and seeing her getting with other lads, or not being friends at all. Both are pretty crap options from where I'm sitting, I just don't know which one is worse. I am going to bring up the subject of going out again, as some things have changed between us over the past while, but I'm not too sure if she will go for it or not. Obviously that is what I want more so than anything but chances probably not great if I'm to be honest about it.

Any advice?! Thanks

dsmythy

Watching her get with other guys will hurt over and over again. Breaking contact will hurt quite a bit at the beginning, but you know eventually that feeling will cease. Out of sight out of mind so to speak. No harm asking her again if she wants to give it a try but if she doesn't then for your own happiness i suggest you cut contact with her. There's nothing wrong with doing so. Perhaps well into the future you can become friends again, and this time want to be only friends. A much healthier human relationship for both of you.

Wagon

dsmythy wrote: »

Watching her get with other guys will hurt over and over again. Breaking contact will hurt quite a bit at the beginning, but you know eventually that feeling will cease. Out of sight out of mind so to speak. No harm asking her again if she wants to give it a try but if she doesn't then for your own happiness i suggest you cut contact with her. There's nothing wrong with doing so.

That's it in a nutshell. Just to add, her original answer of "don't want a boyfriend right now" is womanspeak for "i dont want you". She just didn't bother being completely honest because she didn't want to hurt you. Which is a little ironic actually because if she had given a straight answer you might have been past this a lot faster. Live an learn. And anyway, when you no longer have the infatuation with her you can be friends then if you still want to be. Just needs time.

littlefriend

100% it is better to walk away now. You don't want to be her friend, you want to be with her. I have been in your situation before and hung around as friend. Soul destroying and I ended up walking away in the end anyway because the whole thing was too confusing. Long story short, I should have just walked away in the beginning rather than going through a couple of years of feeling crap about myself.