Same old story - sick of being alone

LegacyUser

What am I doing wrong?

It's unlikely anyone will be able to answer that question, so I'm not sure why I’m even posting this. Just a rant, I suppose. It’s probably going to be much the same as SO many other posts on here, but whatever.

I’m a 19 year old girl, student in college. I’ve got plenty of friends. I’m friendly and chatty. Loud, even, once you get to know me. I’ve had serious issues in the past where my self-confidence is concerned, but I’ve come to realise that I’m not bad looking. I have a pretty enough face, a decent figure (that one I’m still struggling to accept, but I’m well within healthy BMI status, put it that way). I know how to have a laugh, I’m smart and I can hold up a good conversation. I go out to clubs several times a week. I LOVE going out. I have several good groups of girl friends, and a few male friends.

The problem is I NEVER get guys. Or at least not the ones I want. That sounds awful, and I’m beginning to worry that maybe my problem is I expect too much. I don’t mean that I never score at all, it’s not like people are always fussy when they’re drunk on a dance floor. But I rarely/never see interest from guys I really like. They always seem to go for one of my friends. A lot of my friends are very gorgeous girls, so I can’t really blame them. I’d almost judge them if they DID just settle for someone more average…but how can I get around this?

I don’t know. It’s all very well to say clubs aren’t the place to meet people, but I’m 19 – where else am I meant to go? I’ve joined a soc in college and made some great friends…but that’s all they are, friends.

A couple of years ago none of this bothered me, because I knew I wasn’t putting myself out there. I had my own problems to deal with and the idea of being sociable enough to even meet guys was a joke. A year ago it didn’t bother me either, because I was so happy just enjoying life and getting out there that I didn’t need/want anything more.

But everyone around me is coupling up. Or at the very least usually has some love interest on the go. I feel like I’m missing out, and I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Any improvement on my self-esteem is going to be rapidly destroyed soon if things don’t change. It’s not that I rely on compliments/attention to boost my esteem, but a lack thereof tends to make me feel pretty ****e. It’s starting to feel like maybe I was right from the start – maybe I’m just completely unattractive.

I know there are a lot of posts similar to this on here, but in most cases it seems people can attribute their problems to shyness. But I’m not shy. I might not be crazy chatty when I first meet someone, but I’d never put me down as shy.

I don’t know. I probably come across like a complete eejit, and I’m not even sure why I’m posting this. It’s not like I don’t get ANYONE showing any interest whatsoever, but how can I fake something that’s not there? I don’t mean just physical attractiveness, but if I can’t have fun with someone, it just won’t work. It’s not like I don’t still enjoy going out with the girls all the time, I still have great fun, but sometimes it’d be nice to have someone, or a glimmer of someone.

Pah, the only thing this has likely achieved is me releasing my frustration – thanks if you even bothered to read it.

LegacyUser

hey, i'm 38 and single.... there's no panic, relax and enjoy iyour singledom, take joy from your friends and let them take joy from you... you will meet someone... i'm still hopeful!!!

Dempsey

Yer 19, enjoy your freedom tbh. When mr. right advertises himself to you, you'll wonder why you posted this thread.

The world is at your feet!

LegacyUser

You sound like an absolutely lovely girl, that any guy would be lucky to have. I know the feeling all too well, my only advice is to always give guys a chance and engage in as much conversation with them as possible so they will remember you. Fair play to you for working through your own confidence issues and keep the chin up. Enjoy college...sometimes relationships can get very complicated quite fast and you don't want that to affect your studying. Something good will come your way sooner or later

T "real deal" J

Hello miss fed up.
If you're interested in a guy don't be afraid to show it. you've nothing to lose. This is relatively easy to do in a club.
If you're talking to a boy you like, smile and make eye contact...and relax...

It's quite intimidating for irish boys (irish boys aren't that confident unlike american guys for example) to approach you, especially if you're always with your group in a nightclub. it can act as a shield. It's no harm to branch off and chat to new people. Talk to people in the smoking area/at the bar. Be social.