First date after relationship break-up - ambivalence

LegacyUser

hey,

sorry this is a bit long-winded but i'd appreciate some views, thanks.

broke up with my BF a month ago and he broke my heart. had decided to fore-go men for a while as just not up to it. have only started going out again recently. confidence at an all-time low- etc, etc

met a guy last w'end. i wasn't that keen but he asked for my no. and i usually am impressed when a a guy has the balls to so do so i gave it. again, had zero expectations and thought- ah sure don't care if he calls/ not etc.

he asked me out and i met him for date last nite. was feeling a bit crap b4hand as thinking of my BF and not wanting be be w anyone else BUT also thinking it might be good for me and a bit of a confidence boost. was surprised at how well it went (IMO) and more surprised that i found him attractive. we were both driving so all sober.

when we were leaving though i felt v awkward and practically RAN away - no opportunity for any f/u talk or a peck on the cheek or whatever. he said ( as i ran) "well i have your number.."

was very confused as i drove home, thinking on one hand- "god what am i doing, i'm not ready for this" and OTOH "but this guy was really nice, if i met him any other time, i'd have been delighted and really going for it. Can i really risk not trying something w a nice guy, who i might not meet again for ages? etc etc"

when i got home i felt bad for "running" and worried that i'd given him the signal of zero interest (not the case). especially after him having the balls to ask me out, drive 20miles to meet me etc

so after i got back (11pm) i decided to txt him just to try un-do any bad signals but was also afraid to say too much as normally i'd wait for a guy to txt me first- always. so i sent a pretty bland one "thanks for the drinks. enjoy your xmas party tomo. C"

he never replied!! NOW - i don't know if he blew me out anyway or if my text sounded like a blow-out cos it was bland. should i have just said " i enjoyed it/ would be nice to meet again/ give a call"?

i'm so confused! not sure what to do/ not do. should i have not bothered txting at all rather than a bland one i did send? was that txt making things worse? or is the fact that i still held back in the text a sure sign that I'm NOT READY?? at the same time now, i'm disappointed that he didn't reply. but then again, i'm prob a bit fragile as i was dumped by the love of my life recently and i took it badly.

thanks guys.

LegacyUser

As a guy, if i received that txt, i wouldn't have replied either. I would have thought you had no interest, and u were pretty much letting me know that! You should have said you enjoyed the night, and hoped to do it again some time. Maybe leave it a couple of days, and then text him, asking would he be interested in meeting up again. It sounded like you both had a good time. Would be a shame to leave it on the note you did.

sporina

he probably thinks your not ready for meeting someone new ie: him

guys read signals.. you ran away... he probably thinks you were not interested.

perhaps you are not ready anyway

dreamer_ire

If you think you are ready to start seeing someone.... and only you can know that... text or ring him and ask him what he's up to for the weekend.

If you aren't sure though then it might be best to tell him that. It's better than him thinking you just weren't interested and who knows down the line when you are ready and if he's still available at least you left things on a good standing.

Slippin Jimmy

Have you told him about your ex. You sound like you were in love with him. It takes time to get over these things. At the end of the day if he broke your heart you are better off without him. Start fresh. As for the text you sent, I would take it as no interest. Ring him, this shows that your interested. Tell him how you feel and see were that gets ya. If you had such a good time with him, then keep going for it. Hope all works out.

LegacyUser

thanks guys.

first off, as suspected, the consensus seems to be that i gave the guy the impression that i blew him out.

i will contact him again tomo/next day and see how that goes. maybe he wasn;t into me either! but all i can do is let him know that despite my mixed feelings, i think that i don't want to lose this (from experience) rare opportunity either, I have had some LONG periods of singletom where i met nobody decent and would have killed for a nice date like this guy so would be a shame if it went no further based on MY doing...

thanks again - u affirmed what i suspected.

Terodil

I think that before you contact him, you should be certain of where you want to take this yourself. What do YOU want? Your posts ooze confusion and uncertainty. TBH involving somebody else in this is premature, you risk stringing him along. That would not be fair!

Re your question: Yes, I would not have replied either. After running off, that text was far too cold. To me it read: 'Thanks for the drinks at least, even if the rest sucked. Enjoy your xmas party and the rest of your life.'

Besides clearing out your own thoughts, I think you should also stop turning this into power / attraction games. You are thinking far too much about who texts who when with what content and how it will be interpreted. You liked that guy, why didn't you say so?

dublingal80

if you arent comfy enough to call him, text him the weekend, tell him you will be out at X pub with your friends and if he is in the area, it would be great to see him again. If he ignores you again you know where you stand so delete his number, if he texts you back, just read what the text says, and not all the hidden meanings it might say

Maybe you do need more time to get over your ex.

Taltos

backonboard? wrote: »

i think that i don't want to lose this (from experience) rare opportunity either, I have had some LONG periods of singletom where i met nobody decent and would have killed for a nice date like this guy so would be a shame if it went no further based on MY doing...

As per Terodil please give some thought to this before you do potentially string him along and hurt him.
I have highlighted the above as I just felt alarm bells go off when reading it - maybe I am reading too much into your words - but there is nothing wrong with being single for a long time.

dublingal80

Taltos wrote: »

As per Terodil please give some thought to this before you do potentially string him along and hurt him.
I have highlighted the above as I just felt alarm bells go off when reading it - maybe I am reading too much into your words - but there is nothing wrong with being single for a long time.

+1!!

Singledom can be great!!! from my last relationship to this one I was single for over a year and a half. My ex just completely burned me, made me not trust men whatsoever, so i would go out, have fun, flirt, kiss and that was it. There was the odd guy here and there that i gave my number to but after 1 date i was done, until I met my OH. Im glad that i didnt waste my time dating guys i wasnt interested or dating guys when i was still hung up on my ex, just because i didnt want to be single. now with my current OH 3 and a half years later

Give yourself some time. you said that your ex broke your heart. That can take a while to mend... everyone is different so dont rush yourself. Enjoy your own company and enjoy time with your friends. The rest will fall into place

ash23

A month is nothing. No length at all. Why are you so afraid of being alone? Ok so he's a nice guy. But you're forcing yourself into a relationship because you're afraid you might not meet someone as nice again.
There's nothing wrong with a long period of singledom in order to recover from another relationship.
You ran from this guy for a reason. If you have to force yourself into wanting to date him, how long can you realistically expect it to work.
Even before this date you were thinking about your ex and pining for him.

Take some time, get over your ex and then open yourself up to a relationship when you are ready!!! If you go into this half heartedly with one eye on the ex and the other on the fear of being alone, you'll make a mess of it, hurt this guy and end up feeling like sh1t about it all.

Chill out. Enjoy being single for a bit. It 'aint all doom and gloom. It's quite fun at times really