a lesson we should all heed

lucky-colm

Notes From an Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting
Phoenix, Durban. Just remember that poor old Frank is just like you and
me, a regular guy.

"Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to
the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges
(couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the event:
_________________________________________

Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried
paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I
hope that's the worst one. These charo's are crazy.
_________________________________________

Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted
to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when
they saw the look on my face.
___________________________________________

Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me
more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my
backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from
all the beer.
___________________________________________

Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a curry.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Is it possible to burnout taste buds? Savathree, the barmaid,
was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is
starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry
an aphrodisiac?
____________________________________________

Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding
by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning
my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to
stop screaming. Screw those charos!
___________________________________________

Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of
spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic.Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous,sulphuric flames. I **** myself when I farted and I'm worried
it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me
except that slut Savathree. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't
feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my arse with a snow cone!
_____________________________________________

Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about
Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry
which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like
**** to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know
what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw
it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it
in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
____________________________________________

Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all,
not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor
hot.
Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out,
fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if
he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a
really hot curry?
FRANK:

---

(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

Daemos

tl;dr

mikom

lucky-colm wrote: »

a lesson we should all heed

Condense.

Ro: maaan!

Read this in work a few years ago. It was the closest I've ever come to actually rofling

You won't curry any favours here with long stories...

We

just read through.. its actually not that long if you just read Frank's parts, everythign else is unimportant.. pretty funny thanks op

Steoob

Humour is thatta way V

jd007

Anyone want to give a summary?

peasant

It was originally written for (mexican) chili ...the beans kinda still give it away

Dartz

He's obviously never had a curry by Alan Mc Grattan. That man removes taste buds.... then the entire tongue, then the sinuses.... the your belly explodes out your arse.

Gummy Panda

I thought this was going to be an important lesson like "Bear who goes to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly paw" :mad: