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I really don't know what to do

  • 17-12-2009 1:52pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm at my wits end guys and really struggling. I've been with my BF for 2 years. Living to gether at the moment and we'd been talking about moving in together. Had a row a couple of weeks back, fairly major, I'd betrayed his trust (don't want to go into details). Anyway, last weekend he said he was meeting mates. I've since found out he met a girl he went out with years ago. He didn't come home that night and I haven't confronted him about it yet. He admitted to me during the week that he'd thought about ending things. I don't know whether he just met this girl for a drink or whether he stayed with her. He hasn't told me about it and doesn't know that I know. Should I say something or just let it lie. Also, is there anything I can do to try to regain his trust. All this is making my head spin, I don't know who to turn to.


Comments

  • #2
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Of course you can't just let it lie. What basis is that for a healthy relationship? You're going to have to have it out with him OP.


  • #3
    kerah86
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27 ✭kerah86


    You really need to ask him about it - I know from experience that if you leave something like that it will drive you mad not knowing what went on and you will more than likely end up taking it out on him in other ways..


  • #4
    qt9ukbg60ivjrn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 384 ✭✭qt9ukbg60ivjrn


    that sounds like a messed up relationship, you should both be honest, there s no guarantee that it will keep it together but at least everything is out in the open


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Poor you. There's not alot you can do here, but there's no harm in telling him you know about the girl, because that (sort of) 'evens the score'... though in reality there is no score, you and him are having a crisis.

    So, tell him what you know. Tell him you want him and you to work and will do whatever it takes. Stay calm while you say this, as being calm and in control will have a big effect on his reactions. Tell him he can take some time to think it through if he wants but that you hope that, if he decides to stay in the relationship, you and him can start with a clean slate and never talk of this evil again!

    After that, its out of your control, so don't kick yourself too much.

    Best of luck.


  • #6
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    If you betrayed his trust then you don't really have a leg to stand on. You get what you give, c'est la vie.


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  • #7
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    AngryBadger wrote: »
    If you betrayed his trust then you don't really have a leg to stand on. You get what you give, c'est la vie.

    I don't think that's very fair actually. He is behaving cruelly. He has either decided to forgive her or not forgive her. Playing tit-for-tat and using childish games to hurt her is not the way forward in this situation. OK so she betrayed his trust, if he can't deal with it he should call a halt to their relationship.


  • #8
    qt9ukbg60ivjrn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 384 ✭✭qt9ukbg60ivjrn


    AngryBadger wrote: »
    If you betrayed his trust then you don't really have a leg to stand on. You get what you give, c'est la vie.

    Stern...stern but fair


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