Came onto a friend

LegacyUser

I don't think this belongs to the relationship forum because its about a friend but feel welcome to move it

Basically, I'm a college student and I've never been very good at reading girls signals. The worst example of this happened last night and I'm really embarassed and would appreciate some advise.

I've become very friendly with a girl in the last couple of months,lots of mutual friends, we get on very well together etc etc. I do fancy her and we have scored drunkenly before but they were very much one-off events. Anyway we were clubbing last night with friends, getting very close and I thought it was leading to something more. I have to say at this stage we were both fairly drunk. Anyway, she went off and scored another guy and I was kind of heartbroken inside.

After this happened I moped off and hung out with some of my other friends, and after a while she came up to me and asked me whats wrong, was I jealous or what. I told her basically that yeah I was. Big mistake...She huffed off looking very pissed off and sent me a text after saying she thought we were only friends and that it was unfair what I did.

We were talking today online but it was very awkward and I don't want it to stay that way because she is a really good friend. I now know we definitely are only friends but I wanna keep it that way Any suggestions? Thanks in advance

opinion guy

To be perfectly honest if she was scoring you randomly in the past, then she has no right to go huffing off when you get the idea there might be something more than friendship, and you get hurt when she scores someone else right in front of you, without you guys having talked about things at all.

My advice ? Just don't make any effort and find a different girl to get together with and find some better friends. It will balance out at whatever level its supposed to be with this girl if you just leave it alone

lilirish

As you too are/were only randomly scoring she can kiss whover she likes and you can't say/get in a mood about it.

However, it was insensitive and disrespectful of her to pull some other guy in front of you after giving you, what I see anyway, as a come on for more random scoring.

If you want things not to be awkward then dont randomly kiss your good friends. It will be awkward between you for awhile but will be fine in a few days as long as you dont go back to your old routine.

Sounds like you have feelings for this girl aswell which may not be reciprocated. So you options are:

a) Do nothing and just be friends.
b) Keep randomly kissing and get hurt like this again
c) If you do have romantic feelings then ask her out and if she says no then just leave it

Good luck.

PopUp

Random_ol_Name wrote: »

We were talking today online but it was very awkward and I don't want it to stay that way because she is a really good friend. I now know we definitely are only friends but I wanna keep it that way

Why? You have known her a couple of months and fancied her that whole time.

Do you actually want to be her friend or do you want to be her boyfriend? If it's the latter, she's not interested. Trailing after her like a puppy hoping she'll change her mind a) will never work and b) will only put you off finding somebody who really fancies you back.

I have been there and I know how tempting it is to be really into someone and think it's better to have a shadow of a romantic relationship in the form of a platonic friendship than to walk away and have that person out of your life. But while the latter option is immediately painful, the former is a slow death by a thousand cuts.

Be honest with yourself. You don't want to be this girl's friend. You don't want platonic hugs and to hear about her man troubles. You want to be her boyfriend, and to continue as her 'friend' will kill you.

Move on.

LegacyUser

PopUp wrote: »

Be honest with yourself. You don't want to be this girl's friend. You don't want platonic hugs and to hear about her man troubles. You want to be her boyfriend, and to continue as her 'friend' will kill you.

Move on.

Or maybe he just enjoys the girl's company and doesnt want to lose a friend over some drunken stupidness? I have girl friends who I either now fancy or did when I first met them, doesnt mean I die a little inside everytime I see them with someone else or anything. You will get over it and become friends again

Dave!

I'm sure the awkwardness will die down eventually, just persevere. If you felt like it you could apologise and then ye can hug (you can have a sneaky sniff of her hair or something ) and be done with it.

If she's not into you then you'll just have to shelf your feelings for the time being.

Perhaps try to avoid ending up in situations where you have to witness her wearing the face off someone else... It usually makes ya feel bad !

helimachoptor

Nothing to apologise for OP, you've scored a few times you like her, she may be annoyed you're in a huff, but hey you cant help how you feel.

Plenty more fish in the sea.

lilirish

lilirish wrote: »

As you too are/were only randomly scoring she can kiss whover she likes and you can't say/get in a mood about it.

I stopped reading here.. He can get in a mood if he likes, (thought police?) and if she asks, he can say what he likes too.

OP, live and learn. There's nothing to be gained from friendships like these.

LegacyUser

Hey guys, OP here again. Thanks for all the advise so far.

Well firstly can I say that I'm not going to stop being friends with this girl, we have too many mutual friends and I genuinely enjoy her company. Also, it kind of came across in my OP that this girl gets around, which really isn't the case. I have scored a few of my friends and we both realised it was a once off thing. I guess I told ye that to just underline the fact that she's not not physically attracted to me. (Apologies for the double negative!)

Tho saying all that I do realise that its not a great idea to go to places where theres a chance of her scoring other guys. Saying that, I will just have to accept that over time and there's nothing else I can do if its not mutual.

At the minute I'm leaving it to her to make the first move as regards texting/chatting to me as she knows how I feel. I don't think asking her out would be a smart move as it would only make things more messy and lengthen the awkwardness. She's a smart girl and if there's any feelings from her than she will tell me.

My problem is that I'm going to a gig tonight which she'll be at. I have only one or two friends going so I don't know what to do. I can't ignore her but I can't talk away as if nothing happened. My plan I think is to joke with her at the start about what happened, but I do want to talk to her about everything and know where we stand. Am I a fool?

Again, all replies greatly appreciated

lilirish

Deleted User wrote: »

I stopped reading here.. He can get in a mood if he likes, (thought police?) and if she asks, he can say what he likes too.

The Op and this girl are not going out and have set no boundaries regarding who kisses who, she is single effectively and can do what she like. If you HAD gone on to read my post you'd see I'd expressed an opionion that what she had done to him was also wrong and disrespectful.

OP you have feelings for this girl which are not reciprocated. You can ask her how she feels but at the end of the day if she doesn't want to be with you and you continue to go out and be together then you will just get hurt.

So have some respect for yourself. If you go out tonight and see her with someone else then you have to deal with the consequences if you choose to continue being friends. So as I said, either just be friends and deal with it or cut contact.

Not trying to sounds harsh, i know how hard it is when your attracted to someone, you cant help yourself but you will be much happier if you just move on.

kjl

I don't know why would want to be friends with her. She gives you mixed signals, goes off and scores someone in front of you, then gets into a huff when you are upset about it.

kjl

kjl wrote: »

I don't know why would want to be friends with her. She gives you mixed signals, goes off and scores someone in front of you, then gets into a huff when you are upset about it.

Exactly..



And lilirish, it doesn't matter what happened.. The OP is allowed to get annoyed/hurt. He didn't give out to her or anything, she knew why he was down and he admitted it. Should he lie because there's no boundaries set?