I have a date tonight

LegacyUser

sounds great - but the person I'm meeting is married

i know i shouldn't be dumb enough to get myself into this but i've worked wit this person for 2 yrs and i'm really longing for them - i hope that by meeting up and getting this out of my system will help me put this to bed

can i ask peoples thoughts?

Silverfish

Okay people, emotive subject so keep it civil.

Warning in advance.

opinion guy

My thought is - do you like drama ? Cos that is what you are letting yourself in for. Now you may tell yourself they are amazing etc etc etc and maybe they are. But regardless this situation = drama and you know it or you wouldn't be asking us this

daisybelle2008

bitontheside wrote: »

sounds great - but the person I'm meeting is married

i know i shouldn't be dumb enough to get myself into this but i've worked wit this person for 2 yrs and i'm really longing for them - i hope that by meeting up and getting this out of my system will help me put this to bed

can i ask peoples thoughts?

You don't really believe that, now do you?. You want as much emotional and physical contact as possible and want to start something. You are already emotionally invested after 2 years of longing, that is why common sense is not working. You are not trying to get them out of your system you are trying to get them in.

You are walking it too a big ball of headwrecking sh*t. Working with the person too....that is really double trouble.

Are you female or male?

Novella

This person is MARRIED.

It shouldn't matter that you are "longing" for them. They have made a promise to someone else, a commitment. If I were you, I most definitely would not go on that date. Respect his/her marriage vows, even if he/she doesn't.

muboop1

bitontheside wrote: »

sounds great - but the person I'm meeting is married

i know i shouldn't be dumb enough to get myself into this but i've worked wit this person for 2 yrs and i'm really longing for them - i hope that by meeting up and getting this out of my system will help me put this to bed

can i ask peoples thoughts?

Sure don't mean put him to bed??? wooh...

Sorry... to much time in after hours...

What do you want to get out of this?
Like really?

You want to get over it... But what if it increases it?

How do you see this evening going, and please be honest... We can only advise to the best of the knowledge you are giving us. That means for accurate advice we need all the details... not a version you tell us that your telling yourself to justify it(not sure that sentence makes sense...)

Wagon

bitontheside wrote: »

i know i shouldn't be dumb enough to get myself into this but i've worked wit this person for 2 yrs and i'm really longing for them - i hope that by meeting up and getting this out of my system will help me put this to bed

Here's the reality.

1. You are going out with someone who already has a wife/husband at home. You know this. You and the person you are seeing tonight are both at fault.

2. You don't want to get it out of your system. Normally, to get something out of your system in this case is to avoid and keep distance until an infatuation passes.

3. Say you got emotionally involved with him. do you think he'll leave his wife for you? Doubt it. You are (as you say yourself) the bit on the side. And when he calls a halt to it and you have stronger feelings what will you do then?

3. You could both be found out and their marraige could end.

4. Do they have kids? Makes it a hundred times worse because then they'll be effected too if it all goes to shít and they didn't do anything.

I'm not telling you what you think you should and shouldn't do. That's for you to decide. but those are the truths of the situation and if you still decide to go ahead with it, well...no offence but im glad im not you.

D rog

There's plenty of unmarried lovely people out there. Why not find one of them to have a crush on? Which is really all it is until you do something worse to make it a messy reality.
So many things could go wrong for you if you head down this path. Be kind to yourself and choose a relationship with the possibility of a happy future instead of wrecking yourself, and possibly someone else's marriage and life.

LegacyUser

I am sorry but it is posts like this that make me hope to God i am never stupid enough to think that marriage holds any sanctamony in this world!!
OP, if you have longed for this person for 2 years, and you KNOW they are married, how could you go on a date with this person?? Ignoring the fact that this person is also doing something so insulting to their partner, you are an adult and have the choice to walk away before this even starts, but you are CHOOSING to get involved with someone who is in a relationship with someone else!!!
I dont know whats wrong with the world sometimes, i have no problem finding unattached single people to date, believe it or not, there are plenty of them out there!
I would never want to be a home-wrecker, or the other woman, i'd much prefer to be the only woman! And i would NEVER want to cause the kind of hurt your about to cause to someone, just imagine if his/hew wife knew, saw ye, how could you do that!

Why not focus your attention on someone who after your 'date' tonight, wont be going HOME to their partner... FOR LIFE...!(or so they say!!!)

G-Money

It sounds like the OP has already made her mind up and the date is tonight. I think it's bad to go through with it for so many reasons, but it's up to the OP.

I think she should leave this guy alone but it doesn't sound like she wants to.

dublingal80

its not gonna get it out of your system if you have wanted him for two years. you are getting yourself into a messy messy situation which is SO unfair on his wife. and someone that you work with too!!

because you work with him i can guarantee you that it WILL get out in the office, people have a way of finding out these things so there will be lots of rumours and horrible things said about you-for having an affair with a married man and him-for cheating on his wife.

it will get to the stage where work will get so uncomfortable and awkward that you will have to leave

honestly, he is not worth it. you will regret this.

LegacyUser

You ask for thoughts?

AVOID like the plague. This is a DISASTER waiting to unfold. You know the reasons why. You don't need a 10 page thread explaining how wrong this is in 50 different ways.

Avoid, I'm telling you here and now.

Liam Byrne

My 2 cents:

OP, you don't have a "date", at least, not in the normal sense.

BroomBurner

Put yourself in the place of this person's husband/wife, how would you feel if you knew your other half was organising this?

For their sake, don't go.

dellas1979

Even your post name "bitontheside" suggests you know what you are doing. I am wondering, besides fancying the pants off this guy - which isnt a good enough reason, why you are doing this?

T "real deal" J

Ignore everyone else and listen to me. Do not get involved. It's up to him to grow a dick and get a divorce..not take it out by sleeping with you..this is an unfair situation on his family...just be upfront and say that you like him but this is an unacceptable situation...anyway there's 3 billion other guys in the world...he's not the be all and end all

Again, don't get involved...you'll get into trouble

krudler

bitontheside wrote: »

sounds great - but the person I'm meeting is married

i know i shouldn't be dumb enough to get myself into this but i've worked wit this person for 2 yrs and i'm really longing for them - i hope that by meeting up and getting this out of my system will help me put this to bed

can i ask peoples thoughts?

What goes around comes around, remember that for when if you ever get married and someone goes on a date with your husband knowing he's married to you, you can look back on this and accept it as helping to ruin a marriage is something you'll have already done yourself so shouldnt feel to bad about it. Does this guy have kids? he may be the one who's being unfaithful but you're facilitating that

LegacyUser

it has taken you two years of flirting and "longing" for this man for him to agree to go out with you,, how special can that actually make you feel?, to be honest its very much sounds a bit desperate,,,

and i totally agree with previous poster, what goes around comes around and if ever you are married and this happens to you, i hope you will realise that its Karma coming back at you,, he has no feelings for you, he will not leave his wife for you, and maybe after 2yrs they might be having some problems in their relationship and he is slipping through the cracks a bit, but to have someone so willing to help him fall !!!!!

this man is not out looking for fun - it is being offered to him on a plate for 2years!!!!!

i actually feel some sympathy for him which as a woman i really never saw myself saying,,

kikkidee03

at the end of the day just don't know why someone would knowingly and willingly choose to be that person?

Emme

bitontheside wrote: »

sounds great - but the person I'm meeting is married

i know i shouldn't be dumb enough to get myself into this but i've worked wit this person for 2 yrs and i'm really longing for them - i hope that by meeting up and getting this out of my system will help me put this to bed

can i ask peoples thoughts?

This guy's name isn't Tiger Woods by any chance????:D

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Seriously, why bother with somebody who's married. It doesn't matter whether you like them or not, they're off limits. Besides, anybody who cheats isn't worth having. Find somebody who is single and available. You deserve better than to be somebody's bit on the side.

Stella777

Liam Byrne wrote: »

My 2 cents:

OP, you don't have a "date", at least, not in the normal sense.

ITA. Stop thinking of it as a date. It's NOT a date. Tryst, fling, hookup, NSA encounter etc would be better words. I'm not saying that to be cruel, but if you insist on going through with this, then I think you need to get rid of any romantic notions.

date= flowers, romance, walking hand in hand IN PUBLIC,

What you have planned sounds more like a illicit quickie while your coworker keeps dodging calls on his/her phone from the spouse.

Liam Byrne

I just had to check back as to whether there was any indication that the OP was male or female.....and there's none.

Strange, then, that all the replies are either neutral (saying "avoid him/her") or assume that the married person is a man and the OP is a girl.

It could well be the case, but there's only a 50/50 chance that it is.

Loopsie

Im actually gobsmacked........you KNOW this person is married and yet you agreed to a date??!!!
I know a few people who have had marriages ruined by people like you. Im not for a second saying the other party is blameless. Seriously cop onto yourself, you will never be anything more than their 'bit on the side'

Carter12

Hi.. Just wondering how your date went ? Have you got it out of your system ? Because I bet you feel worse today

I was in the exact same position as you a while back.. and it can only get worse. Take care x