Christmas party boyfriend accosted

LegacyUser

Hi I work with and live with my boyfriend. 2 years together, a success story in the company etc.

I ended up sick like a few others , and couldn't go to the christmas party. But he did.

One of the girls we work with, who has always been a nosy parker, interested to know about our holidays, plans etc, always saying what a cute couple we are etc... Came on to him at the party, saying "well your girlfriend isn't here now so what do you think of you and me?" He told me he refused, saying he loves me and would never cheat on me. He came home and told me about it and I was fuming. And still am.

I want to confront this person and give her a warning she won't forget.

How do i do this whilst maintaining dignity and pride?

I'd be a fool if I didn't say or do anything.

Help please!

LegacyUser

You'd be a fool if you did say anything. Seriously what age are you guys? This sounds like tennage drama of the highest order.
Dignity is best maintained by silence in a situation like this. No matter what you say to her you'll come across as a possesive psycho. Nothing actually happened so why cause a fuss when the incident let to no hassle for anyone.

LegacyUser

In response to the age question, I'm 23 he's 25.

daisybelle2008

+1

Leave it alone. It is second hand info, not sure why your boyfriend bothered telling you if nothing happened, other than to massage his own ego.
You will come out looking bad and damage your own reputation. It would be a really chavvy thing to do to go having a cat fight about your oh at work.
He is your boyfriend, you win, end of.

stackerman

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

+1

Leave it alone. It is second hand info, not sure why your boyfriend bothered telling you if nothing happened, other than to massage his own ego.
You will come out looking bad and damage your own reputation. It would be a really chavvy thing to do to go having a cat fight about your oh at work.
He is your boyfriend, you win, end of.

Agree 100%
Your work mate is a fool and you should just look upon her as just that. Rise above it and enjoy your relationship

opinion guy

Well I presume he told her as he was just being honest when she asked how the night went. Besides if he didn't tell her and the other girl did that would have looked suspicious. He did the right thing telling her.

OP as about what to do. Do nothing. Who cares ? Tramp tries it on with your fella and he knocked her back. No point being angry. In fact what you should do is be as normal as possible. If you get angry or anything you will only encourage her - she will think you see her as a threat.

LegacyUser

Leave it alone. your partner was 100% in what he did, if you do anything then your jealous side would be further flamed by the rest of the staff in the future.
The heading to the thread shows how dramatic you want(?) this to be but it isn't really.
She could have been simply teasing him as he may have been the "safe" one to chat to.


"other than to massage his own ego."
he was right to tell you, would be worse if you were in the dark with her thinking she's one up "oh he never said anything... then perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.."

If anything is said to you then laugh it off..

Fysh

Being that nobody's life is improved by behaving as though you're in an episode of Fair City, I'd say you should leave things alone.

Your boyfriend turned down her advances and told you about the incident; whatever you think you'll achieve by "giving her a warning" all you'll do is establish the basis for some sort of on-going grudge match. This will not enrich your life; the only likely outcome is that you'll make your working environment less comfortable and manage to come across to a bunch of people as being mentally or emotionally unbalanced. And that's before the risk of getting to the stage where HR and disciplinary actions come into play.

dublingal80

i agree. i know how angry you must be with her but i wouldnt say anything to her. if she did say that she is quite pathetic and i would just leave her be, hold your head high and know how amazing your boyfriend is and how much you love him

MissHoneyBun

dublingal80 wrote: »

know how amazing your boyfriend is and how much you love him

Are you deciding he's so amazing on the basis that he didn't cheat on his girlfriend of two years? Are women's expectations so low these days that they feel the need to 'reward' their boyfriends for treating them with even the most basic respect? Sad situation, if that's the case.

OP I'm sure your boyfriend is wonderful and all but I wouldn't go treating him like some sort of hero for managing to keep it zipped.

As for your wan, well, she's not even a blip on your radar -breath is wasted on vacuums like her.

krudler

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

Are you deciding he's so amazing on the basis that he didn't cheat on his girlfriend of two years? Are women's expectations so low these days that they feel the need to 'reward' their boyfriends for treating them with even the most basic respect? Sad situation, if that's the case.

OP I'm sure your boyfriend is wonderful and all but I wouldn't go treating him like some sort of hero for managing to keep it zipped.

As for your wan, well, she's not even a blip on your radar -breath is wasted on vacuums like her.

cynical much? a lot of people cheat so a guy (or girl for that matter) who turns down an offer of sex or whatever it was she was implying they do should be commended, he refused her advances, and told the op about it so she wouldnt hear it from someone else and draw other conclusions, sounds like a decent guy to me

MissHoneyBun

krudler wrote: »

cynical much?
sounds like a decent guy to me

Can't read much? --->>

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

I'm sure your boyfriend is wonderful

krudler wrote: »

a lot of people cheat

Plenty of people murder too Krudler, do you go around thanking everyone who spares your life? I'm sorry but I don't think it's healthy for anyone's self esteem if somebody has to be applauded for treating you with a bit of basic common courtesy and respect. Appreciated yes, thanked, no.

Pete P Peterson

I disagree. Don't ignore the situation. The girl stepped on your toes. I'm all for being the bigger person, and being PC and all that crap, but the girl needs to be put in her place.

Punching her in the face might be extreme. Punching her in the ribs, less so, but still probably not right. Waiting until the next time she feigns interest in your relationship, before telling her to take her novelty-sized chops out of your business ... that would be just fine.

krudler

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

Can't read much? --->>



Plenty of people murder too Krudler, do you go around thanking everyone who spares your life? I'm sorry but I don't think it's healthy for anyone's self esteem if somebody has to be applauded for treating you with a bit of basic common courtesy and respect. Appreciated yes, thanked, no.

Yeah thats the same thing :rolleyes: you;ve gotta love bat**** insane woman logic when it comes to these things

I dont thank my girlfriend every day for going 24 hours without cheating on me, but its nice to know she wouldnt if someone made advances towards her, thats all i meant.

dudara

Don't say anything to her. It's a sign of insecurity if you go after her to give her a warning. It's not very classy on your part either.

Ultimately, if she's the type of woman who throws herself at taken men, then she's the one who's going to end up looking daft.

kenbrady

krudler wrote: »

cynical much?

++

OP do nothing because

1. It makes her look like a threat, when she was nothing, a silly girl who got blanked by your boyfriend.

2. It's a work situation and you want to keep your personal life private.

3. Your boyfriend could have got the wrong end of the stick and miss read something completely innocent and it could end up making you look nuts.

dublingal80

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

Are you deciding he's so amazing on the basis that he didn't cheat on his girlfriend of two years? Are women's expectations so low these days that they feel the need to 'reward' their boyfriends for treating them with even the most basic respect? Sad situation, if that's the case.

OP I'm sure your boyfriend is wonderful and all but I wouldn't go treating him like some sort of hero for managing to keep it zipped.

As for your wan, well, she's not even a blip on your radar -breath is wasted on vacuums like her.

Im deciding her boyfriend is amazing because she has been with him for two years and obviously loves him. She wouldnt be with him if he was treating her like crap.

Amazing is a word I use, just like how you have called him wonderful. Tomato, tomAto

moco

The next time you're talking to her you could say something like 'How was the x mas party, my borfriend told me you had a little chat' then laugh. Then she knows you know, you haven't made a fool of yourself by being aggressive or anything and hopefully she feels like a fool knowing your boyfriend told you!:)

LegacyUser

moco wrote: »

The next time you're talking to her you could say something like 'How was the x mas party, my borfriend told me you had a little chat' then laugh. Then she knows you know, you haven't made a fool of yourself by being aggressive or anything and hopefully she feels like a fool knowing your boyfriend told you!:)

+1

kittenkiller

Next time she talks to you I'd kill her with kindness.
A very sympathetic look can do more damage than a slap across the face.

You now know that she's the type of person to throw herself at a taken fella at a work do.
How desperate!
Ask her if everything's ok, tell her you heard that she and your bf had a chat at the party and you were concerned in case she something was wrong that she felt she needed to throw herself at someone who was in a relationship and that she was putting herself at risk of being used and discarded.
Tell her you think she's worth more than that.
The sarcasm of the words will hit home and she won't be an issue again!

MissHoneyBun

krudler wrote: »

Yeah thats the same thing :rolleyes: you;ve gotta love bat**** insane woman logic when it comes to these things

Christ, is there any chance you could make your point without the sarcasm and aggression and 'bat**** insane woman logic' crap?

My point is Krudler, that just because 'lots of people' cheat doesnt make it ok nor does it mean you congratulate those who dont. Not cheating is a basic requirement for most people, not a treat. That's all I have to say on the subject.

OP, the biggest message you can give to this girl is your unity with your boyfriend. Be nice to each other in work and let her see the strength of your relationship. That and her already being rejected should make a strong enough point without saying a word.

Emme

sunflower27 wrote: »

If it were me, I'd be more inclined to give her a big knowing smile next time you see her. You know, the look of the cat that got the cream.

I agree. That would do more damage than any little "speech". Say nothing because everyone in work probably knows what she did and they will be watching your reaction. Don't give them the satisfaction. Just come into work every day with a big smile on your face!

If you come in together make sure you can be seen arriving in the morning all lovey dovey! That'll kill her altogether.

seamus

anonymous123 wrote: »

One of the girls we work with, who has always been a nosy parker, interested to know about our holidays, plans etc, always saying what a cute couple we are etc... Came on to him at the party, saying "well your girlfriend isn't here now so what do you think of you and me?" He told me he refused, saying he loves me and would never cheat on me.

She's jealous, plain and simple. She's not in a relationship, is jealous of your relationship and wanted to try and prove to herself that it's not all roses and that you're just as badly off in the relationship stakes as she is. It failed for her and she already looks like a complete idiot, so you don't have to do anything about it.

She's been shot down by your boyfriend, and will be if she tries it again, so there's no need for a "warning". We're not animals, we don't need to piss on our territory.

LegacyUser

Hi guys thank you for the replies.

I took your advice and you know what I did? When I saw her at work I was doing something, she came right up beside me and said "HI!" really happily. I turned round and gave her a smile, looked her up and down and then turned back to continue what I was doing.

She said "how are you then?" I said "Oh great thanks! couldn't be better, I've been sick, as you probably know! But all better now! I just lay around in bed while my boyfriend brought me cups of tea and soup.... It's so nice having someone there to do things for you when you're sick...."

I asked her plans for christmas, and since we're flying overseas (in a few hours!!) to spend christmas with his family , when she said she was staying here, I made sure to let her know I was so tired because I was going to be spending christmas with my boyfriend and his family abroad, because since our summer holidays to Crete we haven't been able to fly away anywhere. I said "Christmas, me and my boyfriend, his parents, overseas, OH! THIS WILL BE SO NICE!" Really positively.

She stepped down, never looked me in the eye for the rest of the day.


Job done! thanks for the encouragement guys!!!

Merry Christmas!!