Should i do anything, angry......

LegacyUser

broke up with ex nearly year and a half ago. went out for 5 years, i was mad about her, really thought she was the one. anyway she finished it, i'll be honest and say it wasn't totally out of the blue, we'd been having disagreements leading up to it, mostly from her side i think. when we finished though i was still devestated. really didn't want to lose her and was very upset.

bumped into her one day about 4 months later and she was arm in arm with this guy (she worked with who i had met a few times). emailed her telling her i was gutted and asked her had it being going on before we broke up, she replied saying we broke up because of our own issues. finding out she had got with someone else so quickly after 5 years was another very upsetting thing to me.

it has taken me well over a year to get over her. really really missed her and loved her as a person, found it hard to let her go. only in the last couple of months am i really starting to get over her. we had occassional contact even since i saw her with the guy, she txt me to wish me happy birthday, met at a mutual friends party, emailed a couple of times etc...

anyway, last night, i was on facebook (i know, here comes trouble) and against my better judgement i clicked on that guy's profile, obviously couldnt see his profile page but could see his photo's for some reason, in there was an album of pictures created exactly around the time we broke up last year, her arm in arm with him in pictures, looking cozy etc.... now i may be adding 2 and 2 her and getting 5, i dont think so though!! defo looks to me like something was going on while we were still together.

my question is, do i do anything? i'm just angry that i have lost over a year of my life pining after this girl, when in reality maybe she and this guy had something going on. i'd just like her to know what i have seen, i know that sounds very petty.....or do i just move on for good? she just never seemed like the girl who would cheat, makes me very surprised. maybe i'm just naive......opinions?

garp

Move on, move on. Nothing to see here.

TitoPuente

It's been 18 months. Get over her and move on with your life.

Wibbs

Yep move on. No good can come of it. I would even say finding this out is a good thing. It tells you it's definitely over, it tells you there may have been overlap between you and this guy, so why pine over that kinda thing.

LegacyUser

op here, ye i know you's are right, more just annoyed that there was something going on!!! don't like her thinking we are still some sort of friends and that i never knew about what had gone on!!!! makes me angry that i was nice to her even after we broke up cause i really thought she was finding the break up hard too!!! all of that just p*sses me off, it is true, nice guys come last!!! i was mad about her!!!

but yes, i do agree, its over a year ago, just let it go!!! still angry though...

LegacyUser

Believe me mate I know what you're feeling. I was put through the wringer a few years ago by a girl who kept me around and toyed with my emotions while all the while lining up her next guy and making sure she wanted him before dropping me like a hot potato.

Now at the time I was devestated, then absolutely furious because of the blatant lack of respect for me she showed. I vowed to get revenge and knew that she'd cheated on her current guy with me so I was going to tell him, make sure I ruined her happiness and make her see that she couldn't treat me that way.

But I didn't. I didn't want to be that petty, spiteful ex that does those sort of things. And even though most people wouldn't have blamed me if I had I tried to just let it go. Let him find out what type of girl she is for himself as I'm sure sooner or later she'll screw him and cheat on him over like she did to me and the boyfriend before.

The anger doesn't go away quickly. On the rare occasion I see her my blood still boils but it fades and soon you won't worry about her at all. You'll be more concerned with yourself than thinking about her.

So let it go. Move on. You'll feel better for it.

Wibbs

I had a similar enough thing to ListenGood123 and I agree with him, there's no point getting angry or worse getting revenge.

LegacyUser

op again....like i said before, i know you are right......just so frustrating now when i look back at the way i reacted and dealt with things, being all nice and friendly cause i thought she was hurting as much as i was. talk about pure lack of respect, never thought she was like that!!!

i won't do anything and i am moving on......last question though, if she texts me at Xmas to wish me happy xmas cause she has been doing that sort of thing, do i ignore, say thanks, or start abusing her.....

Wibbs

Well dont abuse her for a start. IMHO Reply, but just with "Happy xmas and a happy new year", nothing more nothing less. If she comes back with something ignore it then.

Chinafoot

angry09 wrote: »

op here, ye i know you's are right, more just annoyed that there was something going on!!! don't like her thinking we are still some sort of friends and that i never knew about what had gone on!!!!

Hang on a second, you still don't know for sure that anything did go on while you were together. You asked her and she said no. The fact that an album on facebook was created around that time means sweet feck all. They work together don't they? Could have been a work night out, or just a few pints after work. Going on when a bunch of pictures were put on a social networking site is hardly concrete evidence.

If this is really bothering you, ask her again. Ask her to please be honest with you about whether or not anything happened while you were still together. If she says no then accept it and move on with your life.

Why bother wasting your time and energy being angry over a relationship that ended long ago. She moved on before you did, yeah it sucks but it happens. If it makes it easier for you to deal with cut contact with her. Don't email her or text her anymore. You say you've gotten over it but this strong reaction (to a few people on the net saying "hmmm maybe...") really highlights that you haven't.

Cut her off, let it go and move on with your life.

Wagon

angry09 wrote: »

op again....like i said before, i know you are right......just so frustrating now when i look back at the way i reacted and dealt with things, being all nice and friendly cause i thought she was hurting as much as i was. talk about pure lack of respect, never thought she was like that!!!

I understand exactly what you mean, especially when you're thinking that if you had found out she cheated you'd be over her a lot quicker.

i won't do anything and i am moving on......last question though, if she texts me at Xmas to wish me happy xmas cause she has been doing that sort of thing, do i ignore, say thanks, or start abusing her.....

Ignore it and delete her number and facebook as well. Why should you give a crap about her and maintain contact if you really don't feel like it? If she asks for an explaination, ignore that too. This is why ex's shouldn't bother remaining friends. And anyway, you're moving on from her. Getting rid of her out of your life completely will seal the deal and you'll never have a reminder of her again. I think after a year and a half, you owe it to yourself.

kenbrady

angry09 wrote: »

i'm just angry that i have lost over a year of my life pining after this girl,

It was you who wasted a year pining over the girl, she broke up with you, when she got with the other guy would have no impact on that.
Don't waste anymore time on her and just ignore her completely. It's not healthy being so worked up about something that happened so long ago.

LegacyUser

op here, chinafoot, i agree with you.......like i said in my original post, i may be adding 2 and 2 together here and getting 5......tbh though the pictures dont suggest that in twas just a work night out, they are arm in arm hugging, holding hands, lots of pictures 2 of them together etc.

i have totally accepted it is over and all of that, i havent been in contact with her in months and deleted her of facebook a long time ago, not looking to get back with her. more just angry that she had lack of respect for me which has annoyed me. i wont do anything about it, but there is a small bit of me that would like her to know, i know something was going on. only because she knew how hurt i was and how hard i found it breaking up......i know the right advise is, just forget about it though, my win, her loss.

Moomoo1

This sort of thing happens over and over again

It's a bit late now OP, but if someone breaks up with you after so many years, it usually means the presence of a third party.

simple as. It may not be true in all cases, but it's more often true than not.

I, like you, just wish people would be more honest about it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I understand your anger OP, having experienced a similar situation and felt I was shown little respect after being togerther a long time.

You know yourself that the relationship is over. You are best to get her out of your head and out of your life.

I would say what you need to do is to handle your anger but only in a safe environment and well away from your ex. Scream out loud into a pillow or in the house with loud music on if that is an option. Scream out your anger, letting out all the venom of your hurt. You'd be amazed how cathartic it can be. Even if you have to repeat occasionally, bit by bit, you'll hurt less.

If someone can hurt you so much, there is no way back. That way lies madness.

You deserve better. Retain your dignity, man, and let her go.
More importantly, let yourself go from her. She's not worth the energy you're using on her or feeling bad about any more.

Chinafoot

angry09 wrote: »

op here, chinafoot, i agree with you.......like i said in my original post, i may be adding 2 and 2 together here and getting 5......tbh though the pictures dont suggest that in twas just a work night out, they are arm in arm hugging, holding hands, lots of pictures 2 of them together etc.

Also forgot to point out that when you add photographs to an existing album on facebook it will still show the date the album was created. For example, on my own profile I have an album called "random nights out" and there are pictures in it from a night out about a month ago. However, if you check out the date the album was created it says 2 years ago. Therefore it is very, very possible that the pictures were added at a later date than when you actually broke up. Facebook is not a reliable source of evidence in this case.

angry09 wrote: »

i have totally accepted it is over and all of that, i havent been in contact with her in months and deleted her of facebook a long time ago, not looking to get back with her. more just angry that she had lack of respect for me which has annoyed me.

But you don't know that she disrespected you. You broke up and she moved on. There was no lack of respect in that regard. She was with someone 4 months later, thats not disrespectful because your relationship was over. End of story. There is no minimum amount of time that she must mourn the end of the relationship. You took it harder than her. It sucks but thats life. You can't expect her to react the same way you did.

angry09 wrote: »

i wont do anything about it, but there is a small bit of me that would like her to know, i know something was going on. only because she knew how hurt i was and how hard i found it breaking up......i know the right advise is, just forget about it though, my win, her loss.

Again you don't know anything. The fact that this is still bothering you (checking the fellas facebook...come on now) shows that you aren't fully over this. You to think sensibly about it and let it go.