Girlfriend's Done Everything, I haven't :/

LegacyUser

My girlfriend is in her mid 20s while I finished school a year ago. She has told me that she tried everything sexual when she was younger other than threesome with 2 guys (though she did one with a girl and guy). I dont have any problem with this but the other night I suggested doing some stuff and shes just not interested because she doesn't like doing it or has done it before. I love her but I also want to experience different things (and before anyone jumps to conclusions I didn't ask about a threesome as she told me she doesnt want to share me and I understand). I want to watch porn with her, tie her up, role play, make a movie and more. I really just want to experience these things and dont think I am being unfair by asking her if she would do them with me. I dont want to end up never trying any of these things. She lets me do anal which is great but only because she likes it but literally wont let me do anything else. I'm kind of jealous of all her ex boyfriends who got to experience all these things with her (especially the guy who had a threesome with her the lucky ****er ) and just want to experience them as well.

opinion guy

Have you told her what you've just told us then ?

LegacyUser

Yes her response is usually that she doesnt want to

Wagon

If she's completely closed off to any ideas with you, id suggest breaking up. I know it sounds harsh but it's probably neccessary. Sexual compatability is really important and if she sin't willing to try anything new with you, find someone who will.

G-Money

This is an awkward situation alright. Your gf has got to experience different things and you haven't. The problem is if she decides she doesn't want to do the stuff and you still do, could you handle that? Will there always be a nagging voice in your head? Will you always be wishing that you'd got to experience more, to the point where you become resentful of the situation?

You could leave her, go experience stuff with other girls and then realise it's not all it's cracked up to be and you end up wishing you hadn't finished with her. At the same time, if you stay with her, it could snowball into so much of an issue that you end up cheating on her or you two finish anyway.

Also ask yourself what would happen if the situation was reversed and it was her who had the limited experience. Would she be throwing around the "I want to discover myself" line which basically translates as she wants to f*** other guys?

Terodil

I think it's rather egoistic not to want to try out things with YOU when she's done so in the past (i.e. has no fundamental inhibitions about it) and knows about your desire to try them out AS WELL. Things may work differently with different people so...

How much in love with you is she?

Taltos

jj23 wrote: »

I want to watch porn with her

In fairness now - watching porn with someone else - have you seen how crappy that stuff is out there? My OH loves watching gay porn - but I would not even consider doing that... While I would prefer to watch 2 women - again nothing for her there. Provided you both agree that it is ok for you to watch porn if you want then grab it - do you know how many threads there have been recently from people horrified to find their partners watching it?

jj23 wrote: »

tie her up

She might really just not like being at someones mercy. Why not offer to let her tie you up - this goes for the next quote too.

jj23 wrote: »

role play

jj23 wrote: »

make a movie

Oh man - come on - dating 1-0-1 - never ever make a movie as you never know when it will appear on the net...

jj23 wrote: »

...and more. I really just want to experience these things and dont think I am being unfair by asking her if she would do them with me. I dont want to end up never trying any of these things. She lets me do anal which is great but only because she likes it but literally wont let me do anything else. I'm kind of jealous of all her ex boyfriends who got to experience all these things with her (especially the guy who had a threesome with her the lucky ****er ) and just want to experience them as well.

You are not being unfair with expressing your desire. However if she has said no - then you are being unfair with constantly pressuring her. If she is not into it then she is not into it.
I think your comment here about being kind of jealous of the ex's might be more to the point. Is this more about you and your insecurities at what she got up to and with who?

At the end of the day - if you love her and have a good sex life then don't drag up the past. Maybe rethink some of what you are looking for and see if you can reach a compromise?
eg - she tieing you up / filming you / - ie see if you can explore other avenues before you throw it away. For example even anal is more than some folk are willing to go - so already you are ahead of the curve on that. Yes she likes it - so there is the key - have fun finding out what else she likes. No one likes being asked/hassled to do things they are uncomfortable with or just dislike..

Sexual compatibility is wonderful and for a lot a must have - but here I am not sure if that is the case - might be more wishful thinking / jealousy than anything else.

krudler

Its a bit of bizarre logic to say once you've done something once with one person you wont ever do it again, by her logic if you break up she'll never do anal with someone else? she's going to run out of sexual options altogether with that line of thinking, fair enough if she had an expermental phase but tying up and watching porn isnt exactly way out there sexual stuff, I've done that with pretty much every girl I've been with, maybe she felt pressured into these things by previous boyfriends and doesnt want to go down that route again?

Darthhoob

perhaps she did it once and just didn't like it?? why on earth are people saying she should do stuff she doesn't like just cos he wants to try it? she does anal...cos she likes it...and cos you wanted to try it...that's something. so it;s not just a case of her not wanting to do stuff with you.

Wagon

Darthhoob wrote: »

perhaps she did it once and just didn't like it?? why on earth are people saying she should do stuff she doesn't like just cos he wants to try it? she does anal...cos she likes it...and cos you wanted to try it...that's something. so it;s not just a case of her not wanting to do stuff with you.

True, but then that means that they arent really compatable. And it's pretty much useless continuing a relationship where he's going to be unhappy with the sex life.

Darthhoob

i'm by no means saying they should stay together...though it depends HOW important this is to the OP. it;s a tricky choice and a successful sex life is vital to a relationship...but shouldn;t be the only thing about a relationship.

i just do not think it is fair at all to imply she doesn't love the OP just cos she wont do things in bed she may not like doing.

i mean...i'd try anything once (well...maybe not anything lol)...doesn't mean i have to like it and continue doing it.

davyjose

OP, did you ever think that maybe she didn't enjoy a lot of the stuff she tried out? I mean, it's not as if she's a prude who only does missionary in the dark, there are some things you mentioned she does, that a lot of women would rule out... trust me. But there just seems to be other things she won't do.

I understand there might be a bite of jealousy here, that you feel all these guys had a great time sexually with her, and you're getting average, but if you step back and look at the situation, you'll see you've got the best of her. You've got a sexually experienced girl who knows what she does/doesn't like, and hey - you are in the "like" category. Those guys aren't.

But if she says she doesn't want to do these things, why would you want to make her do things that she won't like? Hell, for me sex is about getting them to enjoy themselves; I certainly don't like the idea of a girl having sex with me and thinking it was crap. I thought every guy shared that philosophy?

Terodil

Darthhoob wrote: »

i just do not think it is fair at all to imply she doesn't love the OP just cos she wont do things in bed she may not like doing.

i mean...i'd try anything once (well...maybe not anything lol)...doesn't mean i have to like it and continue doing it.

I know where you are coming from, Darthhoob, but I don't think that's what the OP wants at all. He wants to try it out, not make that stuff a regular occurrence. And as I said before, what's to say that she wouldn't be pleasantly surprised.

I just get the feeling that she is not 'wild' to have him. And faltering attraction (which is not just physical, but mostly emotional and as such independent of time spent in the relationship) is a bad sign.

ash23

Terodil wrote: »

I know where you are coming from, Darthhoob, but I don't think that's what the OP wants at all. He wants to try it out, not make that stuff a regular occurrence. And as I said before, what's to say that she wouldn't be pleasantly surprised.

I just get the feeling that she is not 'wild' to have him. And faltering attraction (which is not just physical, but mostly emotional and as such independent of time spent in the relationship) is a bad sign.

^^ +1


I know that has happened to me. I didn't recognise it at the time but it was a faltering attraction. I've been with guys thar I've been open to trying stuff with that my ex tried to get me to do for years. I was lazy and complacent with him but a lot of it was down to me not being attracted to him. I loved him but the chemistry just wasn't there.