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How to get him to talk about feelings?!

  • 15-12-2009 1:58pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi All, going unreg for this, i'm in a relationship with a guy and neither of us seem to be very good at opening up about feelings etc.
    it's just the last couple of months we just seem to be talking about very general stuff, work, weekend plans etc.. He cheated on me before but we got back together (1year now) and i went thru a miscarriage a few months back, and anytime i tried to talk to him about any of it his answer was "Forget about it, it's over now.." or "You're thinking too much.." or "It was months ago, why are you still thinking about it..."
    It's like he thinks i'm trying to start a fight by talking about it or else he just doesn't care, and i don't want to go back to fighting again cos he's been great in every other way since we got back together...
    Obviously we talked about things for about 2 days after the miscarriage cos i was upset but to him now it's a closed case never to be spoken of again.
    The baby was due yesterday if i hadn't lost it so i was a little upset for the day and he refused to even enter a conversation about it...
    so i guess my question is, am i wrong to want to still discuss this? or does he just not care?


Comments

  • #2
    Sinall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 813 ✭✭✭Sinall


    No, you're not wrong to want to discuss this at all. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure he cares, of course he does and he is probably grieving in his own way. People have different ways of dealing with things and maybe he finds it hard to open up. Whereas for you, talking about things is helpful and I would probably be the same way.

    Have you said to him that you don't want to fight, you just feel it would be helpful for you to be able to talk about things with him, as he is the closest person to you? This might sound a bit cheesy, but if conversations on this topic tend to turn into fights, have you considered writing it? You could write a note with lots of positives etc eg, how much you love him and then say that you would love to be able to be more open with him as it would be really helpful to you. And that you know it is hard for him as well and that different people have different approaches, but that you would really appreciate it if you could both make an effort to talk.


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