Bad Friend?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Sorry if this makes no sense, just need to write this down and sort it out in my own head.

I'm 24, female, living with my OH about 3 yrs now. I've always got on brilliant with my friends, since we were young a group of us were always together! We had the best of fun! I was always the pushover, always did what ever everyone else wanted to do. Even when we all went to Oz I went/did what ever the girls wanted to go/do even if it wasn’t what I wanted.

A few months after we got back from our travels I met my OH. All of my friend really like him and they get on great. Me and my bf moved in together after about a yr, and with bills, rent, saving etc I couldn’t afford to go out as much as I used to. I would still always make an effort inviting my friends in for dinner and drinks.

I do try to avoid the mad girls nights out because even though my friends all have bf's, they don’t act like that when they are out. They are all over these boys in the nightclub swapping no's, kissing. I wouldn’t act like that if my bf was there so I wouldn’t when he's not either, its disrespectful.

My friends see me not going out with them anymore as me picking my bf over them. I still go out but just not every wekend but thats not good enough for them. I don’t want to go out waste my money on drink and nightclubs every weekend in the same town in Cork. But as much as I try to explain this to them, they're never happy. I’m happy now, I have so many plans for the future with traveling and working in different places all over the world but all they see is the following weekend. The girls still come over to my place for girlie nights in but they want more. I'm always there for them, I tx them all every week. Lately I found out one of my friend had some problems and never told me. They said its because I'm never around. They make me feel like I'm a bad friend and I dont think I am at all and its really getting me down.

OS119

your 'friends' are immature, inconsiderate, self-centred and self-absorbed.

problem solved. have a nice day.

dubdcugirly

Hi there first of all I feel your pain. I am in a long distance relationship and I go to see my OH one weekend a month and he comes home one weekend a month. Therefore for the other two I make a real effort to see the girls, I call up to one of their houses for tea and chat most Wednesdays, I see them the weekends I am here, always go out if I've money and if there is a group going out the weekend my OH is home I invite them. However it never seems quite enough - they always discuss the times I am not there rather than all the times I am, snide remarks about spending time not with them etc etc. For example recently I went out to them in the local nightclub, I had just dropped my OH at the airport and was feeling so down, I drove so didnt drink - went down at 7.30 left at 11, work in the morning. And I know they were annoyed at me! You can't win sometimes!

I was the pushover too but honestly hun you need to try and let it roll over your head. "Unsurprisingly" the ones in my group who dish out the grief are those in unhappy/no relationships. You need to live your life the way you want and once you have done all you feel you can do then be happy and satisfied. The same happened to me when I met people in college, best friends from different groups etc...sometimes its difficult to admit but I know these girls since primary school and sometimes people are friends because they know each other and not because they want to know each other.

Sorry for the long post but I know exactly how you feel and its not right for so called friends to bring you down. I would advise making your points very clear once more and if they persist as soon as they say something about you not going out, say would you ever change the record just cause I dont want to live my life like you doesn't mean I should be punished for it - hope it all works out for you and Happy Christmas with what sounds like your lovely OH!

MissFlitworth

As long as you still spend time with them and it's not always in your house (that would get annoying pretty fast) or with your boyfriend around then you really aren't being a bad friend. Sounds like your friends are having trouble accepting that you aren't as close as once you were and that you have someone in your life who is more important to you than them now.

On the other hand if they all spend loads of time together and you only pop in and out now (which is fine, you're not doing anything wrong) you can't expect to be as close to them as you were before. Your friend is entitled to not tell you things that are going on in her life if she feels you aren't really around that much, it works both ways.