My boyfriend's physco mother

photogirl

2nd June this year my boyfriends mother had an episode and hit me on the arm with a framed mirror, and started shouting at me saying "Is that why your mother died?" Cause she got it in her head that I wanted her out of the house she rented from her son.

That was the last thing I heard from her,I did shout at her that she sould be locked uo in Dundrum.

Then today my boyfriends brother gets married. I didn't realise she was getting up to give a speech. When she statred I turned my back on her and covered my ears with my hands as I didn't want to listen to her.

Then his other brother who was best man said I was wrong to do that as people didn't know what had gone on before. But she disrespected my mother so why should I have to listen to her? He would have felt the same if the same thing had happened to his bird. I am trying to think that she is dead. She is a 2 faced cow as she called one of her sons girlfriends satans daughter but they were all pally today. We really need to get them out of his house. They haven't paid the last 2 months rent, but he lives in the house so the tenency agreement does not come into play.

Was I right to do what I did and can he tell them to get out of his house now?

opinion guy

photogirl wrote: »

Cause she got it in her head that I wanted her out of the house she rented from her son.
........
We really need to get them out of his house.

Um ?
Got to say this is making me wonder how to take your story

MizzLolly

To be perfectly honest you covering your ears and turning your back was done intentionally by you to make a statement. Of course you hate her for what she said, that was a really nasty thing to throw back at you but if you genuinely didn't want to hear her speech you could have excused yourself and pretended to use the bathroom, get some tissue, wash your hands, take a call etc. You did what you did to be seen, didn't you?


Getting them out of the house has nothing to do with you I'm afraid. Any such decision must be made by your boyfriend as it is is house. My advice would be to stay out of it. What she said was nasty but deliberately trying to put a wedge between her and her son is equally as immature. I'd say be the adult here and keep your distance, stay civil for your boyfriends sake. No more game playing.

liah

You were wrong to cover your ears and turn your back at the wedding.

The wedding was not about you. Your reaction was childish, and I think you know that. You may not want to listen to her but everyone has to do things in life they don't want to do. It's not like her speech was about you, or referenced you in any negative way. It wouldn't've killed you to just tune out without making a big show of it.

That said, how she has acted towards you in private has been equally childish. How does your boyfriend feel about the matter? I'd talk to him, family is a touchy subject, she may be crazy and he may know that, but she's still his mom. That means something to him.

Talk to your boyfriend. If he agrees with you, then you both need to sit down and talk to her about her behaviour. If it doesn't change after you both speaking to her, it's fair enough to ask her to leave, but give her plenty of time to do so, it's hard to find a place to stay lately, and again, she is his mother.

photogirl

opinion guy wrote: »

Um ?
Got to say this is making me wonder how to take your story

I had no problem with them living in his house why should I I live in Dublin and was enroled on a course in Dublin his house is up near the border. After she spoke ill of my dead mother, he backed me up and wants to get them out. She may as well go up and dance on my mothers grave.

bronte

You don't have to like her, but adulthood calls for us to be civil sometimes and you didn't do that at the wedding.
Like others said, you could have left and gone to the toilet until her speech was over.

opinion guy

photogirl wrote: »

I had no problem with them living in his house why should I I live in Dublin and was enroled on a course in Dublin his house is up near the border. After she spoke ill of my dead mother, he backed me up and wants to get them out. She may as well go up and dance on my mothers grave.

Fair enough so!

Hmmm so were you right to do what you did ?
meh, right or wrong it doens't really matter, whats done is done. You're porbably going to get a fair amount of stick for it either way.

can he tell them to get out of his house now?
sure he can say that if he wants. Whether they actually leave or not is another story. if they refuse it kind of becomes a legal issue i'd imagine

Johnnnybravo

OP You were completely in the wrong and it was a very childish thing to do.

Yes you dont like her but it was her sons wedding day, a day you were only involved in because you happen to be seeing his brother. How dare you attempt to cause a scene like that at somebody elses wediing?

To be honest if you were my gf or even my potential sister in law I would want you out of the scene.

Also what exactly has her renting got to do with you?
Shes his mother your not, blood id generally thicker than water, sounds to me like your on a vendetta since June to get this woman out.

The ear covering :rolleyes: you can not listen to a person without that kind of nonsense, if I was your bf and you did that at any of my siblings wedding where what 90% of the other guests dont know about your slanging match 6 months ago, I would be absolutely mortified. It was one day you should of copped on and sucked it up for the day, we all meet people we dont like etc but most people dont attempt causing **** at other peoples weddings over it. Im sure youd be delighted would you if somebody caused tension like this at your wedding?

sam34

Johnnnybravo wrote: »

OP You were completely in the wrong and it was a very childish thing to do.

Yes you dont like her but it was her sons wedding day, a day you were only involved in because you happen to be seeing his brother. How dare you attempt to cause a scene like that at somebody elses wediing?

To be honest if you were my gf or even my potential sister in law I would want you out of the scene.

Also what exactly has her renting got to do with you?
Shes his mother your not, blood id generally thicker than water, sounds to me like your on a vendetta since June to get this woman out.

The ear covering :rolleyes: you can not listen to a person without that kind of nonsense, if I was your bf and you did that at any of my siblings wedding where what 90% of the other guests dont know about your slanging match 6 months ago, I would be absolutely mortified. It was one day you should of copped on and sucked it up for the day, we all meet people we dont like etc but most people dont attempt causing **** at other peoples weddings over it. Im sure youd be delighted would you if somebody caused tension like this at your wedding?

+1
the ear covering was completely ott and unnecessary

Danniboo

OP, your mother in law hitting you with the mirror was wrong. However, trying to get your bf to throw his mother out is a bit low in my opinion. Why are you doing this, do you want to get your foot in the door. You must do otherwise I can't possibly see why it bothers you so much if you're not living with her. I think your mother in law did those things out of frustration. If one of my siblings made a scene at a family wedding i'd throw her out on her here, that wa pure selfish. You seem to be painting the old cleche of mother in law from hell, however I don't think your as sweet and innocent yourself as you're making out.

seamus

Ah yes, the insane mother. There are plenty of people with severe mental issues walking our streets OP, and they don't get treatment because either their family makes excuses for them or because they are able to maintain some form of facade to the outside world.

I have a friend with a mother like this. Severe delusions, constant need to have control, total narcissicm, completely devoid of any empathy whatsoever.

It can drive you completely insane to the point where you're the one who looks like the horrible one because you never say anything nice to her and she spends her time telling everyone how you're "satan's daughter".

You basically have to learn to let it all pass you by. Ignore anything she says - she's manipulating people for her own ends and by allowing things to affect you, you're allowing yourself to be manipulated. Be straight with her (but not callous or mean) and she'll soon realise she has no control over you and will stop bothering you. She may badmouth you to other people, but who cares? Anyone important (i.e. his family) are aware that she's ill and don't really take it seriously.

What you did at the wedding was wrong, on two counts. First off, you were making a statement where you had no authority to, i.e. at someone else's wedding.
Secondly, you acted childishly, effectively stooping to her level and giving her ammo against you for years to come.

Until you're married, you have little or no say in what your boyfriend should or shouldn't do in this regard. It's his house, his mother and his responsibility. You have to accept that no matter how much you dislike this woman, no matter how much you don't get along, she is still your boyfriend's mother and that is not going to change. She is not going to be out of your life until she dies or you break up with your boyfriend.

So you need to find a way of existing which includes her but which doesn't involve butting heads with her constantly. Remove her power over you, don't react to her insults and don't indulge her delusions and she'll grow bored of talking to you.

fend

At the end of the day.... Blood is thicker than water... So id stay clear of this and let your boyfriend make the decisions and carry them out... By you being involved, your only making yourself more of the bad guy.

Chinafoot

photogirl wrote: »

She is a 2 faced cow as she called one of her sons girlfriends satans daughter but they were all pally today.

Of course they were. It was a family wedding. We all suck it up and get along for one day at events like this. Perhaps you should take a leaf out of this other girlfriends book and adopt some leve of maturity. Turning your back and sticking your fingers in your ears while the mother of the grrom is making her speech is so immature, disrespectful and quite frankly, disgusting. I'm amazed you weren't asked to leave to be honest, because I can assure you, if you did that at a family wedding of mine you would have been out the door so fast your feet wouldn't have touched the ground. If I were you I'd making a very grovelling apology to your boyfriend, his brother and the bride.

photogirl wrote: »

We really need to get them out of his house.

Absolutely none of your business. He needs to sort this out himself and considering your past encounter and your behaviour today you need to keep your nose well and truly out of this.

You don't have to be friends with his mother but you do need to accept the fact that she is exactly that, his mother. She isn't going to just disappear because the pair of you don't get on. Sort out a way for you to be civil and if you can't do that, stay away from all family events because it will be you that is ruining other peoples' special occasions.

Stella777

I had an almost Mother-in-Law like that. My boyfriend happened to be her only child...you can imagine. Thank God we didn't end up getting married. Her own mother had Alzheimer's disease, and I noticed early signs in my BF's mother too- flashes of completely irrational rage etc. Of course no one wanted to talk about that.

YOU CAN'T WIN THIS FIGHT. She's had years of practice manipulating everyone around her and playing all sorts of of mind games. She probably thrives on the drama.

Don't say another word about the house to your BF. Pushing him to evict his own mother is making YOU look bad. Being a landlord to a family member is a terrible idea, but it's too late now. If he kicks her out, where would she go? What if she came to live with him?? :eek:

Ignore her as much as possible and hopefully she'll lose interest in you and focus her rage and craziness on the wife or GF of another one of her son's. Don't talk about her to anyone either.

And remember in the future not to make a scene at someone else's wedding, for ANY REASON. It's supposed to be the bride and groom's special day. How would you like it if someone did that at your wedding?